I am worried about Little MB - advice please....

[malta blue]

I am worried about the Little MB. She will be 10 in June, and she has no friends. I mean NO FRIENDS. :cry:

She does not socialize with the kids she goes to school with at all. She socializes at school, but no play dates, etc. Is this normal? Everyone in the family is worried about it. I just figure I can't force kids to call her, etc.

She did invite a bunch of kids to a birthday party last year and not a single one showed up - they told her they were coming and then they just didn't. Thank the gods/goddesses that my friends brought their kids, and they all get along pretty well, or I would have had a party without a single guest.

She doesn't seem to be bothered by it outwardly, but she was very sad when no one came to her party, and she still mentions it to her grandparents, etc.

Any ideas/suggestions? Please keep in mind that I am a single parent who works full time and really can't get involved in many extracurricular activities that I would have to transport her to/pay for,

Thanks

[alsame]

1. I'm not a mother, so I can't really help, but that

story about her birthday party pretty much broke my heart.

:hug: to little mb

[malta blue]

16. it is so sad

:cry:

[FKA MNChimpH8R]

27. Broke my heart too

:hug: for you both.

I've been there, I am a dXd Aspie.

[coffeenap]

2. Can you describe her a bit? As a mom of two, one of whom

is quite unusual, but wonderful, I would be glad to share whatever insight I can. :hug:

[malta blue]

10. As an only child she tends to be quite content playing alone.

She reads a lot. She is a computer whiz, and loves to play WoW with her dad.

She is not very girlie, nor is she a tomboy. Most of the time, I find that she gets along better with boys, usually one or two years older than her.

She has a junior black belt in Tae Kwon Do, but no friends from there either. :shrug:

[Parche]

3. I would

See if she would be interested in things outside of school
clubs, etc
she could meet so many people there
i was the same way in school, as i didnt and have never liked peer pressure, i dont
kowtow to people and that thing, but now adays i have very good friends
that i have known and had for many years

:hi: :hug: :hug:

[malta blue]

11. she does tae kwon do, but we haven't been going lately because of

weather, schedules, etc.

Thanks :hug:

[SPKrazy]

4. If you could find out some of her friends parents names

or maybe you know it, maybe plan some play dates for her, even sleepovers?

That makes me so sad that no one came to her party.

She's such a cutie pie, I can't imagine that people don't want to socialize with her.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[malta blue]

12. I can't imagine how she felt

:cry:

Thanks for the tip.

[SPKrazy]

19. awww sweetie

the most important thing is that she had people there and she knows you love her.

I still can't imagine what it is. Is she very shy? :hug:

[malta blue]

20. not shy - and every adult who meets her loves her

:shrug:

it's kids - they are mean and they don't like the smart, pretty ones.

[SPKrazy]

35. kids are mean...

smart and pretty well someday she will be sought after. Then you'll be standing at the door with a shotgun :P

but kids are mean and no telling what they think...

[AlCzervik]

5. That thing about her birthday party makes me so sad.

Is it possible that her friends at school just have a lot of extra curricular stuff, maybe they have really busy schedules?

[malta blue]

17. but wouldnt they at least try to do something with her if they were interested?

:shrug:

[AlCzervik]

31. some of the kids at my daughters school have o free time on the weekends

soccer and volleyball and the like. Maybe little MB can try inviting the one she talks to the most to the movies, maybe plan it a couple of weeks in advance.

[Lavender Brown]

6. Are there any after-school activities that you wouldn't have to take her to/from?

My school had a "late bus" for kids doing school activities. That was the only way I could go, because my parents were always working. I can't believe the kids flaked out on a birthday party! :wtf:

[malta blue]

13. She stays after school for child care. There are tons of

extracurriculars at the school itself but she never brings the paperwork home :banghead:

[Whoa_Nelly]

36. Call the school secretary

Am sure you can get a complete list of the activities, and have the paperwork mailed to you. :hug:

[trof]

7. Do the two of you talk about it?

Is she an introvert, shy?
our daughter was a bit shy when she was very young. We sent her to dancing and modeling school, which gave her a lot of poise, self assurance, and confidence.

My daughter had no close, long lasting (BFFs, I guess they call that now) GIRL friends for most of her life until after she was married.

But she had boy friends.
Not 'romantic' boy friends.
It was just that all her good friends were guys, through high school and college.
She had no bridesmaids in her wedding, just her closest buddies in their tuxes. They were also close friends of her husband, since high school, so they kind of served the purpose of groomsmen and bridesmaids.
;-)

[malta blue]

14. she is shy at first, like most kids, but within 10 minutes

she will talk your ear off about cats, and books, and whatever the obsession du jour is.

[yellowdogintexas]

23. bet she is reading way above her level and a really good student?

Kids are really mean to the brainy ones.

Did you send invitations for the party to the home so the parents would see them? Kids are bad about saying to another kid that they will do something then not telling their parents about it and ultimately forgetting the exact day.

If the other girls her age are in a tight group, she may just not be able to crack the code of being accepted. Hopefully she is not bothered by this.

Mine was a reader, who did not make friends easily, but she was happy to just sit in a corner with her book. She said she never had to care about what the others were doing if she had her book. She decided they weren't that important. She did have one BFF in the neighborhood and they played all kinds of fantasy 'games' that they made up as they went along, almost like long epic stories. They loved dragons and horses and fairies and books and did not care about fashion or boyfriends or anything ..in other words they did not grow up too fast for their own good.

I wish you success in working this out for her. I was a fairly unhappy kid at that age, not very cute, brainy, bookworm, clumsy, pudgy and got left out of stuff often enough to have it hurt. I never really felt that I fit in until high school. So I understand how all that can feel.

I agree with contacting the parents of the girls she likes best at school and arranging a cookout or some sort of Saturday or Sunday afternoon activity for them ..that could get some ice broken.

Good Luck.

[malta blue]

25. She reads at 10th grade level

they are really mean to the smart ones. Not to be shallow, but I thought she would be more acceptable since she is pretty too, but maybe that's the fatal combination...

[Haole Girl]

8. The suggestion by Parche is a good one...

getting her involved in activities outside of school.

If you think it is anything she might need to talk to someone about, maybe an objective and professional counselor (one that specializes in children) would be good... even just for a session or two. Maybe she will open up a little more to someone else.

That was very sad about her birthday. Glad there ended-up being guests there, in spite of that!

:hug:

[malta blue]

18. I was thinking about counseling or something too.

:hug:

She never says anything to me about it.

[Midlodemocrat]

9. call me tomorrow.

I'll be in the office from about 9AM on.

:loveya:

[malta blue]

15. thanks sweetie

:hug:

I will drop you a line on my break around 1130ish....

[GCP]

21. Is it possible she has Aspergers?

My younger son never socialized, he seemed content in his own little world. It wasn't until he was in his teens that a work colleague described her daughter who has Aspergers, that I realized my kid was the same. Not picking up on non-verbal facial and body language, not making eye contact, being obsessed with rotating objects. He was on the higher functioning end of the spectrum and was never diagnosed. His pediatrician described him as 'manipulative', because he wouldn't talk until he was 3 and a half. Did your daughter have late speech?

[malta blue]

22. she started speaking at 6 months, maybe earlier

She would say "have it" and hold out her hand

She was reading at 3. She is in the "gifted" program at school and I would hope that all the testing she has undergone would have pointed toward something like that.

Interesting about "manipulative"....that is how her kindergarten teacher described her - not in the bad way, just that she was able to logically think through situation to manipulate them to end the way she wanted.

[FKA MNChimpH8R]

28. Ahh, this is starting to add up

Very bright, verbal early, very early reader, yet logical and socially isolated. This sounds like the story of my childhood. I think Asperger's is a very distinct possibility.

[malta blue]

30. really? I think I need to do some research then.

Thanks :pals:

[FKA MNChimpH8R]

32. Glad to be of service in my small way

:hug:

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions I might be able to answer.

[Deja Q]

24. Seconded.

My childhood was, in this respect, very similar to that of Little MB...

[coffeenap]

26. I'm gonna PM you, ok?

[malta blue]

29. got it, thanks

:hug:

[dembotoz]

33. does it bother her as much as it bothers you????

some folks just are not very social.

and they are ok with that.

Don't force her to be someone she is not.

[emilyg]

34. Invite one classmate over to your house.

[Kat45]

37. Are there other smart kids who she can be friends with?

Other kids in the gifted program? If the other kids are mean to her for being smart, odds are they're being mean to the other smart kids too.

Edited to add: That's good that she takes tae kwan do so at least she'll be able to kick some ass if it should ever become necessary (which I hope it won't).

[rockymountaindem]

38. People who say they're coming and don't show are the bane of my existance

I hate that shit. I'm only 22 and have zero parenting experience, but I'd say any adult with a kid in their care who would let them totally bail on a commitment like that is not being a good parent. The kids don't know they're acting like jerks, after all. It should be the adult's job to point that out.

Once in high school my best friend and I decided we were going to have a party on the same day by accident. So we decided he'd host the party at his house and I'd bring the food and drinks. Unfortunately my friend was not the most popular person and a lot of people who said they were coming to my party said "I'm not going if it's at his house... it'll be boring". I had no problem telling them it was going to make our mutual friend feel really shitty if nobody showed. Didn't hesitate to play the guilt card. You know what? Two dozen people showed and we all had fun. Imagine that!

Even good people can be asses sometimes, but there's no call for letting your kid pull that kind of crap on another kid that just wants to have a party. You should call up these parents and royally chew them out. Nicely.

[A-Long-Little-Doggie]

39. talk to her teachers

And any other adults who see her in a social situation. They may have some insight into how she interacts with her peers and if they see any issues.

And I also agree with the suggestion regarding Asbergers.

[rug]

40. She has had a tough year though, hasn't she?

[alarimer]

41. That sounds like me.

The very same thing happened to me. I had a party no one showed up to. That was in 8th grade I think.

Like your daughter I was smarter than most yet I do not recall any obvious cruelty. But I never felt like I fit in. Still don't. I still don't have any friends either. And I have always gotten along better with guys. My family moved a lot, which didn't help me since I am an introvert.

I don't have any advise but I do sympathize.