The Parents' Guide to Embarrassing Children

[MineralMan]

It occurs to me that not everyone knows all the ways one can embarrass one's children. I'm sure we all have ways to do this, but I'm equally sure we can all learn from the experiences of others. So, what are your unique ways to cause squirming, hot, red-faced embarrassment for your children? Note: Aunts and Uncles may also contribute. Here are a few starters:

1. When the child is with friends, always refer to the child by a pet nickname, like "Stinky", or "Bubbles."

2. Send clever, loving notes to school with the child's lunch. The gushier, the better.

3. When meeting your teenager's date for the first time, make a good impression by dressing in the styles you wore when you were the teenager's age.

4. Use words like LOL, Awesome, and ROFL frequently when your children's peers are present.

5. Give your tween a hug and a cheek kiss when dropping him/her off at school or a party.

6. When your child has a birthday or other party, be sure to insist that the youngsters do the Hokey-Pokey. That's especially good for teen parties.

7. The family photo album or home videos from years ago are wonderful entertainment that you can have playing when friends drop by.

8. When shopping at the mall with your tween or teen, be certain to suggest absolutely hideous clothing and insist that he/she try it on for you.

9. When your child is leaving on a date or with friends, ask to make sure they have their "Cellular telephone" with them.

10. When conversing with a group of youngsters which includes your offspring, talk at length about the days when you were a "young person" like them.

Add your own suggestions, please...

[HopeHoops]

1. Just showing up is usually sufficient for me

[Roon]

2. My older buddy used the family car to drive us to high school

every day. It wasn't really his car, but he got to drive it like it was his. He picked us all up and brought us all home.

One day I got picked up and his Father was driving. Apparently Dad's car was in the shop and needed to use the kids' car for a day.

My friend was really embarrassed that Dad was driving us to school and really didn't want the other kids to see us piling out of the car at the main entrance.

My friend told his Father,"Here!Just drop us off here!"...but Dad went ahead and pulled up to the main entrance of the school. My friend was freaking out by this time but the group of kids standing by the front door wasn't paying attention. So my friend just wanted to get out of the car and away as quickly as he could....just as we started getting out of the car,my friends Father honked the horn and all those kids' heads turned and they all saw us.

My friend was so embarrassed!

[DarkTirade]

11. Heh... that reminds me of the one time my dad's car was in the shop.

I was 24 or 25, and he had just gone back to school. So I ended up giving my dad a ride to school. I was sooooo tempted to yell out the car window as I dropped him off, maybe something like, "Do you have your lunch money?" or "Don't let the bigger kids pick on you!" :P

[Roon]

37. Hysterical! eom

[babydollhead]

38. this is what I do for fun...

when I drop off my teen son, I holler in to the mother, "He has a pull-up on, but, if you could, just remind him, from time to time, that would be great!"

[sarge43]

3. "Dear, show them that trick you did with your tongue when you were five." n/t

[Radical Activist]

22. Better yet, the one you did when you were 25.

[sarge43]

31. Oh yeah. The one Lucas boosted for Jar Jar Binks?

OK, stand back, this could get messy.

[Fire Walk With Me]

4. Bathrobes. There is magic there.

[Chan790]

5. My mother...

used to hand out condoms and give safe-sex lectures in front of our dates...especially first dates. When I went away to college and I'd bring a girlfriend home to meet the family, she'd lecture on the importance of kegel exercises over dinner.

I was in my early 20s before I figured out that this was all an elaborate plot to make things awkward, insuring there would be no untimely grandchildren; also to get rid of prospective girlfriends she disliked.

[arcadian]

6. Fantasy scenario

Me, going to pick up my date at her mom's house. Mom starts giving sex lecture as you described. Feeing uncomfortable, then looking up and seeing date with big grin on her face winking at me. That unfortunately never happened to me.

[Red State Rebel]

7. Lick your fingers and smooth their hair or wipe a pretend smudge off their face :)

[sohndrsmith]

8. I don't mean to be a dud, here, but what is fun about this - especially

done deliberately? I embarrass my kids unwittingly, as every parent does - but teasing is not a harmless thing, especially if there is underlying meanness involved ("Stinky" is not a pet name, it's an insult and a put down - no matter how cute an adult might think it sounds. Calling a kid such a name in front of friends for the purpose of being funny or in hopes to embarrass them - is - really _awful_ in my view!).

Obviously most of the things listed here are pretty mild, but teasing a kid with the intent of embarrassing is not something I understand. It's doubly hard on them, because they're supposed to "laugh it off" because it's "only a joke". But it's not. The only difference between being outright mean and insulting is that the person it's directed won't be further embarrassed by getting hurt and upset or defend themselves. When it's a joke, it can be just as mean - but they have no recourse because it wasn't "meant" to be mean, (it just WAS mean). Teasing meant to harm (and finding such a result entertaining) is not harmless, it's malicious, but people do it because it's a way of hurting someone without the consequences of being directly mean. Calling it a joke doesn't make it harmless, it's just easier to get away with.

I understand that I'm veering from the lighthearted nature of the original post and other than my reference to the first example, I'm really not taking issue with the suggestions here, I'm taking issue with the idea that adults say really devastating things at the expense of their kids and that's a problem for me. I've seen how painful teasing can be to a child - especially when it comes from an adult, and especially when they're told it's just a joke.

Don't get me wrong, I goof around with my kids regularly and ridiculously, but never at their expense or with the intent to cause them pain (and embarrassment can be VERY painful to kids, more so than a lot of other things). And of course, I know I embarrass them unintentionally - it's just the way it is (and I'm very much an oddball) but more often than not, the things I say and do should embarrass me to no end, and the kids end up laughing so hard that tears stream down their faces... but I'm not embarrassed easily - and laugh right along with them. But as a kid being teased and thus embarrassed really hurt.

I guess as mild as most of the ideas in the OP are, I just don't understand how this sort of stuff would be considered funny.... (and yes, I realize I'm focusing on harsher situations, but kids can be fragile... why risk hurting them just for kicks?).

Hopefully I've misread or misunderstood the good-natured intent of the post. Even so, I fervently believe in what I've said (even if I'm way off target) : )

[sarge43]

10. Well, hate to disappoint, but I don't have children and, if I did, I

wouldn't deliberately embarrass them.

I posted because it's near the end of the month and I'm getting behind on my snark quota.

[sohndrsmith]

16. I deserved that... : ) n/t

[sarge43]

19. I wasn't trying to be snippy, sohndrsmith.

I agree with you. Deliberately embarrassing children just to embarrass is a form of abuse.

Now, messing with their minds a bit -- when my goddaughter would start the "Are we there yet?", I'd answer, "Yes." That would stop the nonsense for a few miles.

[sohndrsmith]

40. Oh, I didn't mean to imply you were! I love your "Are we there yet" answer -

I've tried various things with that too, but that's perfect.

I remember one time I was driving my daughters on the monotonous 2-hour trip to their dad's house (a trip we seemed to take every other day (and did sometimes - and I would have the pleasure of another two hours for the trip back alone).

Anyone familiar with what is known as the Husdon Valley in NY is familiar with the Taconic Parkway - the most monotonous, dangerous (because of deer) long stretch of road that ever existed. Only two narrow lanes, cutting through woods, basically, grassy medians and a speed limit of 55. Nothing to see except trees, grass and the occasional roadkill or grazing deer - the only signs of civilization being a diner right about at the midway point.

This particular snowy day, my kids had moved well beyond "Are we there yet?" and were just brewing exponentially festering ugliness at each other. I spoke sternly a couple of times, which was effective for about 3 seconds. I realized that they were understandably squirrelly, but that didn't make it okay for them to make things intolerable. Suddenly, I pulled off the parkway into an overlook/rest area - and didn't say a word. They were quiet for a second as they assessed how much trouble they were in. But, as kids will do, they started right back up - this time accusing the other of being at fault for everything under the sun (and if possible, the sun as well).

I ignored them completely, got out of the car trying my best to look serious and mad. I caught a sidelong glance at their puzzled, tentative faces - they had no idea what I was up to. I went straight for the snowbank and started pummeling the car windows as fast and as frequently as I could with the biggest clumps of snow I could manage (aiming AT THEM - knowing I couldn't hurt them). After their initial shock, they caught on soon enough, and proceeded to pummel me. After a few minutes, we were all out of breath, cold, wet, laughing and having a blast.

When the girls started heading towards the car I told them they could get back in only upon meeting certain conditions - in full. I told them their prior behaviour was no longer available, and that they were going to honor the change in mood (for all of us) by ensuring the rest of the trip would be at least a civil, if not pleasant for the others in the car. That meant they were responsible for the feelings of those other than themselves. They were fantastic and it's one of the most fond memories for each of us.

It takes some effort to come up with redirection rather than overt power and control, but it's a heck of a lot more effective and the kids actually have an opportunity to learn how to change their own behaviour, which is really, after all, the point... : )

[sarge43]

41. That's what they needed - blow off some steam and then a reality check.

Goddaughter recently told me she was going to use the "Yes" on her kids when they start the nonsense.

She's in pre-med (they grow up so fast); so it'll be awhile before I get some feed back.

(I've driven the Taconic. That's a gruesome stretch of road.)

[MineralMan]

12. There's teasing and there's teasing...

In any case, this thread is designed to get people to remember all the embarrassing things their parents did, or to remember embarrassing things they've done, unwittingly. Now, my parents occasionally embarrassed me intentionally, but it only caused me to laugh.

One of the things that gentle, well-meaning teasing is designed to do is to teach the value of being able to laugh at onesself. That ability to laugh off some boneheaded thing we do is one of the most valuable tools an adult can have, since we all do things that are a source of our own embarrassment.

One should never belittle a child, of course, but there are many opportunities to teach children how to laugh at themselves. Showing the photo of Johnnie in his Cub Scout uniform to his girlfriend is embarrassing, but not harmful. Since the girl is likely to think the photo is cute, no harm is done.

Life's full of embarrassing moments. They can be a source of humor or a source of something else. Making sure that your children can laugh through such moments is teaching them a useful skill.

[sohndrsmith]

17. You're absolutely right. I guess it hit a nerve with me too close to the bone

because I've just been through some horrific stuff with my daughter - due to her father's "teasing" and I took it too personally... But I did try to convey that I was offering a more serious side to it.

I think I flubbed.

And you're also right that it's important to teach kids resilience and positive, healthy ways to use humor and not be too thin-skinned. I do all of those things and this particular daughter (who is teased and berated so hurtfully) is a strong, self-reliant, courageous young woman - in spite of all that.

I guess I just took my frustration at an individual situation too far and didn't really add to the conversation very well.

I sincerely apologize for bringing up my personal struggle. It's tough to see and hear the things she endures (and is hurt by).

There is an enormous amount of comic relief (usually provided by me), and I think the only way I can redeem myself here is to - lighten up - and try to recall an anecdote of my own that fits...

I'm really sorry.

[MineralMan]

18. No need to apologize...really.

You're right. There is a line between the sort of back and forth teasing that is helpful in developing a solid personality and the kind of belittling that goes on in some families. No question about it. Certainly, it was never my thought to encourage the second sort of behaviors.

In my relationships with youngsters, I know I've gotten their confidence when they start teasing me. When they feel comfortable enough to make jokes about my thinning hair, or my frequent need for a haircut to keep me from looking like an aging hippie, or about my stupid hats with funny sayings on them, then I know that they consider me worthy of friendship.

My father, who is highly skilled at the art of subtly teasing children as a learning tool, has as one of his standard comments, when someone has fallen or tripped or walked into a tree or some similar thing. After he has made certain that no serious harm has occurred, he always says, in a perfectly deadpan voice, "You should be more careful." It's the cue for a chuckle from the person who has done something awkward and an end to the trauma. The important point is that he has already made certain that nobody's hurt before offering his "advice."

[sohndrsmith]

30. Okay, I have one... : )

I was in high school (or almost in high school, because I guess I couldn't drive), back when movies were shown in full-size theaters.

My father took my friend and me to a movie (I don't recall what it was, but I supposedly had one of the "cool dads" so his watching the movie with us was not a problem. Well, not until he decided to make it one).

The theater had a full-stage with a red velvety curtain (it must have been used for performances before converted to a movie theater).

We waited for the film to start, but there was some sort of delay, and people were getting antsy. This was a small town, so even though I don't specifically recall seeing other kids (boys, in particular) from school, it was likely that most of the people waiting for the movie to start were kids from school, some of whom I likely knew or had classes with.

Momentarily, I realize that my father is walking towards the stage (it was well lit, unfortunately). He was dressed in jeans and a jean jacket, no shirt, long hair (even for the decade) a beard and dark glasses (why he had the shades on I can't explain - maybe for theatrical effect). Most people might assume he was a biker or a ruffian (he was actually a psychologist with an ivied education) and he looked a LOT Tommy Chong, just not quite as slender - or goofy (goofy as in Chong's character, I believe he wasn't wobbly-stonerized when not in character, either).

My dad went up the steps at the side of the stage and proceeded to do some soft shoe and tap dance - the only "music" being his sort of humming and half-singing...in key, thank goodness. My dad could actually dance, and had performed as a child for his mother's swing band when she's perform at local events, fairs and dances during the 30's.

The theater was silent - no one knew what to make of this sort of hippie-ish-but-oddly elegant man just seeming to be having fun on the stage. It didn't seem as though it was for the audience's benefit, he was just doing it to have his own fun. Needless to say, I was mortified. I was too shocked to figure out if I thought it was comical, too. That came later.

I forget what made him stop (either the movie was starting or he just stopped on his own) but he giggled delightedly all the way back to his seat after having amused himself for a minute or two.

[MineralMan]

42. That's a good one. Your dad sounds like

an interesting character.

[MineralMan]

14. I'll give an example of how these minor embarrassments

arm kids for more serious ones:

When I was sixteen, I was dating a 15 year old girl. We were "going steady" for over a year when this happened. Note: This was back in 1961 or 62. My family was nuts about the new sport of water-skiing, and we were always at a nearby lake, or so it seemed. Well, naturally, I invited my girlfriend along many times, taught her to waterski, and we all had a good time.

My parents, being the regular gentle teasers that they were, included my girlfriend in the banter and she was more than willing to give back what she got, since her family engaged in similar bantering.

So, one time, we were all at the lake. My girlfriend and I were in the water, ready to ski behind the boat. "Hit it!," I yelled, and my father took off. Shortly, we were both up on our skis. I looked over, and there was my girlfriend, sans bikini top. It had gotten untied and pulled off by the water as we were pulled up. She was unaware of her condition, so I pointed and we both dropped off into the water.

In the meantime, my mother, my brother, my sister, and my father, were in the boat, practically collapsing with laughter. My dad circled back around, a towel got tossed into the water, and my girlfriend got into the boat, laughing her ass off, too. Her face was pretty red, but she thought it was as funny as everyone else did. There was a spare suit in the boat, so she changed into it behind the towel, and we went on with our fun.

Her reaction was perfect for the situation. It was funny as heck, and exposed boobies aren't really that big a deal, in the long run.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

36. Don't come to

the lounge much, do you? :eyes:

[ismnotwasm]

9. Threaten to play

"Stink finger" Or even the tried and true, but less effective, "pull my finger" game.

It's a little known secret that those alone have enough embarrassment potential to actually help children bring up grades. Or keep them out of juvie. Never let kids think you won't do it.

[LiberalEsto]

13. All we needed to do was exist

Back in the days when our daughters were teenagers, we embarrassed them simply by breathing.

At the mall, they insisted on walking about 20 paces ahead or behind, so nobody would know they were related to doofuses like me and Dave.

When picking one of them up from an evening activity, we were sternly instructed to STAY IN THE CAR: do NOT get out to talk with other parents. Because heaven forbid their classmates might see us.

Fortunately, they have finally managed to train us to not humiliate them by our mere presence. We are once again permitted to walk next to them in public.

[AlCzervik]

15. i was just going to say exist as well, that's all we need to do.

and i remember being the same way when i was a teenager.

[Midlodemocrat]

25. Ha. When TM was about 15, she and some friends were

with me at the mall, walking behind me.

I turned around and yelled at her. "If you don't stop following me, I'm calling security".


:rofl:


Good times. Good times.

[MineralMan]

27. Oh, snaps for you, Mom!

That was brilliant. Very nicely played.

[sarge43]

33. Excellent

:applause:

[dembotoz]

20. go skipping down the aisle at the local grocery store

instant mortification even if no one else is in the store.

[MineralMan]

21. That'd do it, for sure.

Of course, a properly-raised child would just stand there, hands on hips, and shake his/her head, demonstrating bemused acceptance of her parent's wierdness. "My mom...Geez!," he or she would say to whatever other kid was nearby. The other kid would nod, knowingly.

[Midlodemocrat]

23. Oh, man. I have perfected the art of that.

I even have a T-shirt that says...

Embarrassing My Children.

Just one more service I offer.



That and my Cher impersonation gets them every time.


:rofl:

[MineralMan]

28. And a Cher impersonator, too...Wow!

You must cause many, many eye rolls. That's good, because it strengthens the eye muscles.

Why, you're the coolest Mom ever!

[Midlodemocrat]

29. Yup. Their friends love it though.

We just kid and joke around here all the time, so it's kind of the hang out house. WHich is fine by me.

[Deep13]

24. Ah, I though "embarassing" was an adjective.

Apparently it is impossible for parents to be embarrassed by their own children anymore.

[midnight armadillo]

26. My boys are 5 and 2

and they are still pretty convinced their parents are the most fun people in the world. I know it won't last, but I'm enjoying it in the meantime!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

34. My 10 year old is still pretty unembarrassed by us, too.

He doesn't mind when I tell him stories about how things were when I was a kid. :)

[lizziegrace]

32. Try being on an internet bulletin board with your daughter

and have her see your comments on a locked sex thread. :hide:

[whistler162]

35. Number 6 is incorrect....

"6. When your child has a birthday or other party, be sure to insist that the youngsters do the Hokey-Pokey. That's especially good for teen parties."

You forgot "and demonstrate how it is done."

[MineralMan]

43. Well, of course...you'd have to demonstrate.

That's half the fun, and twice as embarrassing.

[jmm]

39. Like the person they're dating or wish to date way too much

Once while at a restaurant with my mom the owner came up to us and offered her money for me. Apparently his son liked me and he was trying to offer a dowry. I got into an interesting debate with him about dowries and prostitution but it was difficult for his son and I to even look at each other after that.

Also letting the person a family member of yours is dating know you want them to make you a grandmother or aunt or etc. is always good for making them feel comfortable in your household.