Talk me down...

[crimsonblue]

My life sucks. Were a God to exist, he is actively fucking with me. I feel like I am never going to graduate from college (I switched majors last spring after nearly 4 years of school), and all my friends have either moved away, have real jobs, or significant others. It's a bit lonely sometimes, and I'm worried: A) I won't ever find a career path that I am passionate about, B) I won't ever do anything with my life, C) I won't ever find somebody. Blah blah blah. It's a bit sad that DU is my best friend at this current juncture. Oh well, I suppose that's life. rant over.

[IdaBriggs]

1. Weren't you the kid doing drugs in your parent's home over Christmas?

If so, please update. Thank you.

[crimsonblue]

2. Yes....

It ended up working itself out. I got a nice lecture from the parents, and I'm pretty much cut off. Oh well. It had to happen sometime.

[IdaBriggs]

5. Sounds like it isn't God that is fucking you.

It appears you've been making choices that have put you where you are -- example, changing majors. Your choices aren't necessarily bad ones (altho drugs in the parents house -- well, I've already scolded you for that one), but you walked into them knowing they were going to make your life challenging.

And now it is, and you are having a middle of the night panic attack, looking for some reassurance that you will get through this.

Kindly note that I am also awake at the moment! LOL!

Anyway, it sounds like stuff that will get better. Study = Graduate. Decide each class is the most exciting thing you've ever been in, EVEN IF ITS NOT, and become an expert at it, instead of just doing the minimum to get by. And then, in the 'get a hobby/get a life' category, where you benefit the rest of the planet -- easy! Pick a cause, and start working on it. Animals, Clean Water, Abused Children, Homeless Helpless People, Financial Training, Wayward Teenagers, Better Laws, Star Trek, Religion -- Just PICK ONE OR TWO. Example: Do you like animals and want to save them? Go volunteer with some of that time you've been spending being bored at the local rescue group. Don't feel super enthusiastic (because picking up dog poop is boring)? Fake it. They need you more than you need to be bored, and you will discover that feeling of ennui dissolving. This can work with any topic you decide to be interested in -- and notice that I put *DECIDE* in there. Very few things in life are interesting 100% of the time, or continue to be so the 90th or 300th time you do them, but they are important, and sometimes, just because you've done it ten billion times, you have to remember its a 'first' for someone else. "Look, lady, just fill out this form -- " might be something you say a zillion times at a shelter for battered or homeless people, but it might be the first time someone in need found a place to reach out for help, and pulling your humanity/compassion up EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO FAKE IT UNTIL ITS REAL will make a difference, even if its just for a moment.

As for your love life, no help there -- you probably shouldn't be with someone until you are someone worth being with. It sounds as if you expect a significant other to provide diversion, enjoy your hobby (avoiding boredom at your parents house), and have sex. Anybody with passion, interests, and a plan for their future that includes a meaningful relationship with a future isn't going to be interested in indulging your pity-party for more than a moment or two because they are going to be too busy living life to do more than pat you on the head, and rank you as a friend. However, once you quit numbing yourself down, and start feeling the emotions (even the unpleasant ones, which are there for a reason -- 'hey, this sucks! maybe I should do something different!'), you will probably attract someone, and be in a relationship before you know it.

If this useful advice isn't deemed relevant to your life, I'm okay with it. Trying to help you has helped me already by reminding me that there are things I can and should be doing/enjoying that matter to me. I'm a lucky woman with too many bills, two fabulous toddlers, and a good/loving husband who is my best friend even if (I just delete a flaw of his that totally torques me off!).

Good luck. I'll keep watching for your posts.

:hi:

Good luck.

[crimsonblue]

8. Thanks...

a good ass kicking has been in order for me for a while. I've been a lazy, apathetic douchebag for much of my life, and I'm really just kind of tired of it. I sometimes wonder why my life isn't better, and I guess it really won't be unless I do something about it. I should probably stop daydreaming about what I want to do with my life in 40 years, and figure out what I want to do with my life now.

[IdaBriggs]

19. I am a Good Ass Kicker. Call anytime. LOL!

So, out of curiousity, how are you going to hold yourself acountable?

Why don't you take a couple of minutes to write down some (gasp!) goals.

Long term ones -- graduate/have a family of your own/be an expert at (fill in the blank)/have saved 500 animals from an untimely death/provided shelter for 75 people in crisis/saved 20 teenagers from living on the streets/whatever is important to you

Mid-range ones -- one year from now I will have accomplished *this* toward my goal

Short term ones -- this week/today I will take this small step toward where I want to be. (Do this one daily/weekly.)

If you've got time to get into a fight with a guy on a message board who doesn't like hearing you talk about being bored when he's dealing with desperate young men who ran with gangs because they were trying not to get shot, you've probably got time to write down some (gasp!) goals.

And for the record, rather than ignore the guy, you might want to consider him an opportunity, and see if he can point you in the direction of How To Help the inmates he's dealing with as a Volunteer Opportunity. He could be a fortuitous posting -- apparently he irked you enough to get you 'passionate' about ignoring him, which means hey! Not BORED!

LOL!

[crimsonblue]

24. I applied for a couple of jobs today...

I figure if I'm this bored, I could fill my extra time by doing something productive.

[Lil Missy]

3. Do you mind my asking your age?

[crimsonblue]

4. Not at all.

23. That's not that old, but I honestly don't know when I will graduate from college. It seems I'm going to be a 7-8 year student, and then there's grad school / professional school. Sigh.

[Lil Missy]

6. It will get better, I promise.

:)

Heck. Life doesn't even start till 30. You'll be just fine.

What's your major?

[crimsonblue]

10. organismal biology.

I will be attending medical school at some point. I've screwed the pooch a bit as far as school goes, but I've decided it's what I want to do, and I will find a way to do it. I've got the talent and intelligence to do it, I just need to get rid of the sophomoric apathy.

[Name removed]

7. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

9. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[vadawg]

13. project not at all

personally i am a real happy dude, i gotta a job i love, great wife, great kids etc etc. and unlike yourself i dont come onto message boards crying in my porridge. i think you need to actually spend some time with people who do have it hard then you might wake up, grow up and mayby even smarten up

[Name removed]

14. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[vadawg]

15. lol ignored, not sure if im upset about that

though the petulance explains to me why you have issues. Do you really believe that the world revolves around you and that you should get everything in life as you want it. If so you my son are in for a rude awakening.

[Midlodemocrat]

25. You know what? Your comments suck ass.

This is a nice kid coming here to vent and ask for advice. He is not asking for you to rub your 'success' in his face.

Grow up.

[SoxFan]

30. Congratulations.

[LanternWaste]

33. One would think that if...

One would think that if your life were really as great as you advertise it, you would have internalized such habits as civility, empathy and gentility...

However, I am aware of a subset of people who actually do get off by knocking other people-- it makes them happy. So maybe you really are a happy guy. :shrug:

[Name removed]

17. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[vadawg]

18. lol not my buddies, inmates i am supervising

Support and enabling are two different things, this kid expects the world to bend to his reality and everything to be perfect, hes headed for soapy bubble

[Lil Missy]

20. Well, I guess we should we have such a perfect life so we could judge others so harshly.

Good gawd, he is young, and has doubts and reservations about his future. Who has never been there?

I think you are bringing some personal baggage into this, and behaving like an asshole.

But I will give you the benefit of doubt, and add you to my buddy list.

:)

[vadawg]

21. lol i like your style but i disagree with you about his youth

23 is not young to me, 99% of the world by that age has already lived a large part of their whole lifes, i think he is missing out on the secret of true happiness that only comes with contentment with every single day, every minute and everything that happens about you. I got no idea about buddy lists, does that mean you will give me air miles or something. :)

[Lil Missy]

23. Kay. I don't even know the kid.

I just think you act like a jerk.

Buddy list means, "Welcome to DU" :)

[harmonicon]

37. some people have ambition...

they want more. More than you do. More than what makes you happy. I am one of these people, and I have sympathy for others who are like me, but I don't insult those who have made other choices with there lives. Sometimes we make choices which land us in bad places, but it's not because we're failures or idiots, it's because there is something else out there that may ultimately be unobtainable, but searching for it will always be worth more than being content.

that is so much fucking nicer than I should have been.

[Midlodemocrat]

26. Let me know how that buddy list thing turns out, will ya, doll?

And, I agree with you. What a douchebag.

[vadawg]

27. lol and like your opinion matters to me why

[Lil Missy]

29. Sure, I'll let ya know.

But I guess I should choose my words carefully, since it looks like a couple posts got deleted.

Now, strictly hypothetically of course, one could get a jones about dealing and caring for people who have no feet. To me, that does not mean a person with feet and no shoes has no right to say, "Hey, I have no shoes, and my feet are fucking freezing!"

That is not the analogy I would have chosen, but I think that is where "he" is coming from. I'm not sure I should say, lest my post get deleted again.

But honestly, I would think someone in such a profession would be glad and happy to see some young kid be able to articulate his feelings and just talk to iron things out in his mind. Why not? Is that not a healthy thing to do? BEFORE you end up in incarceration?

Well, color me dumb, I guess. I think asking for support and asking quetions at that age is a very good thing. But what the hell do I know.

:hi:

[Midlodemocrat]

32. Oh, you are one silly little girl.

It is much better to make the asker seem like a dumbass moran by bragging about one's own 'success'.

And, yes. I put that word in quotes on purpose. Suck it, Rabrrrrrr.


:hi:

[Lil Missy]

35. Yes, I guess I am pretty naive and stupid. He is FAR superior to me.

But crap, a kid cannot even express a question? I'm sure glad I never treated my son like that.

[Droopy]

11. I was in a similar situation, cb

I had been in college for couple of years after a little stint in a machine shop. I was 24 and I couldn't decide what I wanted to do with my life. I just wanted to go somewhere where no one knew me and kind of disappear. And that's pretty much what I did. I took up trucking. It's now twelve years later and I do not regret my decision to become a trucker even though I am looking to get into another line of work. Trucking has been good to me. I made 56k last year and I'm home every day with the weekends off.

[buzzycrumbhunger]

12. Believe it or not,

these are the years you'll look back on as your heyday. I'd have made a career of college if I could. Instead, I married the first sperm donor who came along (hormones are bad, mkay?) and the next 20-some years have been largely a waste. Take your time and do it right the first time. You won't be sorry.

When you can come back and say you're A) Fifty fucking years old, B) Your body's worn out from childbearing and injuries, C) It took you 20 years to kick an abusive arsehole to the curb, D) Your kids have moved out and most of your conversations are with animals, E) You're too messed up to even face the prospect of baring yourself (inside and out) to another stranger, and F) if you could, you telecommute a graveyard shift and hardly get out of the house and don't have a clue where to find one, then you can whine. Right now? You're 23 and not tied down to anything. How bad can it be, really?

LOL--fuck, now I'm bummed. :eyes:

[JCMach1]

22. Some of us NEVER leave college

[JCMach1]

16. There are many worse things than changing a major and not having a GF

A few other points...


Despite what society tells you, a job/career isn't everything. Major in something you believe in and then go for it. A career is not WHO YOU ARE. Americans are obsessed with this... i.e. identity is tied to a job. Just notice how often when you meet an American for the first time, the first words out of their mouth are, "so, what do you do?"

Won't ever do anything? Define anything. At least try something and don't worry about failing... you'll eventually get it right.

Find someone? Work on yourself first... keep in mind half of the people who are out there married are headed for divorce. You could be in that boat. So, make yourself someone who is ready for a relationship first. Work on that and let the relationship find you.

Oh yeah, and don't ever forget there is a WHOLE WORLD out there besides the U.S. You might just try your luck... worked for me anyway.

Ok, I will stop channeling Dr. Phil now...

[Tangerine LaBamba]

28. So?

What's your problem?

It's not like you're worried about paying your rent, feeding and clothing your kids, or the things most people are concerned about. So, what's the problem? You're bored?

Go do something for other people.

[dysfunctional press]

31. maybe things will get better, maybe they won't...

it's the journey that matters- don't cut yours short.

[Arugula Latte]

34. I find comparing yourself to most of the world helps a lot.

Imagine what people in most of the world would give to have your problems. Millions can't even go to elementary school, let alone worry about college and grad school. Millions don't have clean water or enough food. Millions have parents who are dying or have died of AIDs. Millions would be grateful just to have a roof over their heads, a place that is theirs, let alone a place that has heat regulation and hot and cold running water. And so on.

[harmonicon]

36. yeah, that's life

I'm pretty much in the same boat. I find that using the laptop in bed helps. And smoking in bed. Most things are better in bed.