Random life lessons you have learned?

[mcctatas]

one of mine was NEVER clean the litter box with bleach.

[TZ]

1. Okay...Not gonna ask about the consequences of that!

But in all seriousness...unless you take risks, you are never going to accomplish anything....

[NMDemDist2]

2. urine=ammonia

bleach + ammonia is very very bad juju

[mcctatas]

4. it made a toxic cloud of gas that burned my eyes and made me

cough, tweren't fun :crazy:

[Lucian]

56. Ammonia + Bleach = Chlorine gas released.

Burns on the way down. I (stupidly) combined the two once in chemistry class (under a hood), but it still burned. Man, it burned...

[NMDemDist2]

3. dont tutch the but

:evilgrin:

[krispos42]

50. I'm surprised this only #3, frankly

Loungers are getting complacent, I guess...

:-)

[GOPisEvil]

5. Red pepper flakes hurt when they fly into your eye.

x(

[TZ]

9. Oh my mother recently learned a corollary to that...

After chopping up ORANGE habanero peppers whatever you do DON'T touch your face..:wow:

[GOPisEvil]

14. This happened in YOUR town, by the way.

Ella's Pizza. A bunch of DUers were there for something or another. Protest, maybe the march for Women's Rights. Anyway, a bunch of us went to Ella's and the stupid big-ass flaky red pepper flew right into my eye. They took me in the back and let me use their dishwasher sprayer to wash out my eye.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. My dear mcctatas!

One of the more important lessons I've learned...

Love is the answer, and for the lucky ones, it's the reason for living...

:hug:

[mcctatas]

12. Peggy my friend...

as always you are dead on balls accurate :hug:

[CreekDog]

53. she's so right and if i may i'd like to add:

[bigwillq]

7. Never to stick my head

between the railing posts again.

[flvegan]

8. Don't fry bacon in the nude.

Not from experience, though.

[sniffa]

11. I learned that the hard way

You stole that from me.

[flvegan]

19. You had a boner frying bacon?

[sniffa]

21. I pity your impotence

:hug:

[mcctatas]

13. fail...

the assignment was lessons you have learned, implying experiences you have had, must you bogart the experiences of others? :P

[flvegan]

17. They you should have asked lessons one has learned through experience.

I live outside the box, I don't just think there.

[mcctatas]

27. Well it would be hard to fit a big guy like you and all your dogs inside

a box anyway silly :P

[flvegan]

28. Wait...a big guy like me fitting into a box?

It's not THAT big. Jeez.

[mcctatas]

36. DUDE!!!!

:spank:

[flvegan]

37. What?

I told you my milkshake brings...well, you get the idea.

[PaddyBlueEyes]

39. Alright you two

pev on...pev on..LOL

[sniffa]

10. Everyone is trying to fuck you

and/or fuck you over.

[HEyHEY]

29. That's cause I'm so hot

[applegrove]

15. Be careful who your friends friends are. Your friends friends could coincidentally all be

a power network of a psychopath who felt slighted by you when they were the one being really rude.

[Guava Jelly]

16. If something says "collectible".

It will most likely never be worth anything.

You can do anything you want to do ,when forced to.

Truly beautiful people don't believe that they are truly beautiful people.

"You can't always get what you want but you get what you need" is bullshit!

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

18. That you can never, ever, ever,

change the 'other' person in your life, nor they you,
try at your own risk! :)

[kayakjohnny]

20. Don't wipe your butt with a snowball.

[Kali]

22. while duct tape is one of humankinds greatest achievements,

it doesn't work worth a shit in sunlight.}(

[lightningandsnow]

23. No matter how good it smells, lip gloss is not edible.

[Chan790]

24. If you snap one wheel off your bedframe...

don't sleep on it for two years while it's uneven. I thought I had a bad back...it turns out I was just corkscrew-twisting my spine in my sleep.

[lightningandsnow]

25. Oops.

My bed is constantly breaking that way. I can put the wheels back on for a bit, but they don't stay.

That's what happens when you use the bedframe the last people left there...

[DarkTirade]

26. I'd just take the wheels off both sides and be done with it.

:P

[Chan790]

38. Well...

I didn't know they came off until I took the bed apart. :dunce:

[DarkTirade]

45. Well, technically ANYTHING can come off...

it just might take a hacksaw or a blowtorch if it's REALLY on there. :P

[dawgmom]

69. delete - wrong place

oops

[MilesColtrane]

30. Don't put your lips on it.

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/79/79awhatthehell.phtml

[HEyHEY]

31. An extra ten dollars a month for collision insurance is worth it.

[Aristus]

32. If you ever drop your keys in a pool of molten lava,

let 'em go, 'cause man, they're gone! B-)

[fizzgig]

78. well played, sir

:thumbsup:

[Inchworm]

33. When bridge jumping off the Haulover/Bal Harbor bridge in South Florida...

Consider the current.

It rips through there!

:rofl:

[JTG of the PRB]

34. Don't Google yourself.

I have done exactly NOTHING of interest on the intertubes, or, apparently, in the rest of my life. Sigh.

[Oeditpus Rex]

35. As deadline draws nearer,

increase the frequency with which you hit ctrl-s (or command-s) — because computers know, and they're ee-vill. x(

[PaddyBlueEyes]

40. Wait for true love

because when it happens...Its incredible.

[mcctatas]

44. and much more pleasant than bleaching the litter box...

ILY

[PaddyBlueEyes]

46. rofl

ILY 2

[CreekDog]

54. well, that comes afterwards

:hi:

[UrbScotty]

41. You can lead someone to knowledge, but you can't make them think

[csziggy]

42. When a horse falls on you, count your bones before you send help away

Make sure there are no extra bones and that all your joints work properly.

It really sucks to have to use the horse that just dumped your ass on the street as a crutch for the half mile back to where you left the car.

[struggle4progress]

43. Don't jump across the dry desert gullies before checking for rattlesnakes on the other side

[rug]

47. Always respect the zipper.

[XemaSab]

48. Don't put the wine glass on top of the TV

This was a lesson I had to learn a few times... in the last week. x(

[petronius]

97. A corollary: if you put a candle on top of the TV, blow it out before going to bed...

Oops... :)

[TrogL]

49. Always know where your parka is

[Name removed]

51. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[krispos42]

52. Reynold's Release is the best kitchen invention ever.

Eclipsing sliced bread, microwave ovens, and Sham-Wow... combined!

[mcctatas]

58. Nothing eclipses the sham-wow!!!!!!

[krispos42]

65. Then you have not experienced the bliss that is Reynold's Release

You know not of what you speak, Madam!!!

[mcctatas]

66. It sounds like some kind of weird tantric excercise

;)

[krispos42]

83. Imagine, if you will...

...you're going to make a lasagna.

You spend hours making sauce, rich with garlic, oregano, basil, and onions. It simmers on the stove for most of the day, filling the house with savory aromas.

You make meatballs, lovingly adding seasoned bread crumbs, eggs, oregano, basil, and other fragrent seasonings to ground beef. You mix them and form them into balls. Then you fry up the meatballs along with some spicy Italian sausage in olive oil until browned, then drop them into the sauce to simmer and add their own delicious aromas to the smells filling the house.

Finally, as evening approaches, you boil the lasagna noodles. You mash the meatballs and sausage together in a bowl. You take a heap of ricotta, add a mound of mozzarella and parmasan, a couple of eggs, and mix that together in another bowl.

You line the pan with sauce. You add a layer of noodles, a layer of mixed cheese and some sauce, more noodles, a layer of meat, more sauce, more noodles, cheese, sauce, noodles...

Finally the pan is full. You add a final layer of noodles and sauce, then coat the entire thing with mozzarella.

The pan goes in the oven. Now the aroma of baking lasagna fills the house for about an hour and a half. Family members comment on how great dinner smells. A tablecloth snaps and china clinks as the dining room table is set.

Finally, the culinary masterpiece is ready. The gravy boats are filled with savory meat sauce. Bowls piled high with fragrant grated parmasan stand sentinal beside them. The silverware gleams in the candlelight; yellow highlights glisten from the china.

With the family seated, you draw a spatula and with deftness and skill slice out a square. Seconds later, a perfect square of lasagana sits on a plate, steaming gently in the candlelight. Appreciative murmurs rise up from the assembled family members. Quickly the lasagna is dished out, and the chatter and laughter of your guests are quickly replaced with the clink of silverware on china and mumbled compliments to the chef around mouthfuls of gooey cheese.

Sounds good, doesn't it?

Now, if you didn't line the pan with Reynolds Release? Instead of your lasagana squares separating cleanly from the pan with a flick of the spatula, you have to hammer and scrape each square out like a miner swinging a pickaxe. And instead of that beautiful Home&Garden-quality piece of lagasna on a plate, you have something that looks like "Hamburger Helper".

Thus, the tantric joy of Reynolds Release. :-)

[CreekDog]

55. 4 inches of water will float a car

x(

[Lucian]

57. Don't hit on a married guy's wife.

I'll never do THAT again. :scared:

Edit: I did this in a bar last week and I have the black eye to prove it. :scared:

[jobycom]

60. Noted. Only hit on unmarried guy's wives. nt

[Adsos Letter]

59. Just because a thought comes into your head....

doesn't mean it has to come out of your mouth.

I am reminded of this daily...

[jobycom]

61. When leaning over the guard rail at the Grand Canyon, hold on to your keys extra tightly. nt

[WinkyDink]

94. Updated version: Do not lean over the guard rail at the Grand Canyon.

[raccoon]

62. Just because YOU don't know something's going on, doesn't mean it isn't.

Specifically referring to SO's and "outside interests."

[KansDem]

63. You don't have to answer a ringing phone...(nt)

[lost-in-nj]

64. That (insert deity) DOES

give us more than we can bear...

and keeps giving and giving :(




:hi:


lost

[Lethe]

67. never de-seed a jalepeno with your thumbnail and then masterbate a couple hours later

dont do it unless you are a fan of burning sensations

[Inchworm]

68. LoL

I still remember the scream of a buddy's wife...

He lived above me and we just had polished off 12 beers, a block of cheese, and a jar of jalapenos. He left... and then...

Well, you know the rest :rofl:

:hi:

[dawgmom]

70. If a man really cares about you, he'll let you know if he asparagus for dinner the night before

It's a useful fact to know, if you're going to get busy in the oral way of things.....

[TZ]

82. Umm. ....

Ick!

[dawgmom]

86. "Ick" says the one with a strong gag reflex......

*running away very, very fast*

[Inchworm]

85. This adds an interesting angle to "casting asparagus"

hmmm...

:P

[Pierre.Suave]

71. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES

PUT AN ENTIRE HABANERO PEPPER IN YOUR MOUTH AND BEGIN TO CHEW...

It does not go well. Just trust me on this.

[TZ]

84. HAHAHA! Check this out..

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=8391606&mesg_id=8391632

[Pierre.Suave]

90. Oh man

I bet that hurt...

[Fire Walk With Me]

72. You'll shoot your eye out.

[azmouse]

73. Don't laugh at his jokes. You'll only encourage him.

Advice to me from my mom regarding my dad's jokes and also my husband's jokes.

Yeah, mom is a real deep thinker. :)

[LaraMN]

74. Don't wave back at semi drivers who are waving at you on the freeway.

It doesn't mean "hi".

x(

[mcctatas]

75. Really?

what does it mean?

[LaraMN]

77. Oh god.

Apparently, it means "ok, sure, let's pull over at the next rest stop and fuck."

:scared:

[mcctatas]

79. OMG!

Do you know how many truckers I have waved at in the last month alone?!

:scared:

[AngryAmish]

76. Don't hook with a hooker

You will go to sleep.

[Symarip]

80. There's no way you can get out of being caught wiping your ass on your friends pillow

Even if you yell 'surprise'.

[mcctatas]

92. Maybe if you don't wipe it on the one they are using at the time?

sicko!

[BeachBaby]

81. That many men just see women as another notch on their belt.

:mad:

[mcctatas]

93. Far be it from me to defend men, but there are some who don't

necessarily see it this way. Conversely, I know plenty of women that look at men as a notch on the bed post (then again, I hang out with a super twisted crew of chicks :P )

[BarenakedLady]

87. You can't live your life for other people.

Always make sure the seat is down first.

[scheming daemons]

88. Don't eat yellow snow

[Cabcere]

89. One of my brother's friends had a teacher who came into class one day

with some Lava Soap and said, "Guys, whatever you do, don't masturbate with this stuff." :wow:

[Zavulon]

91. Any time you subscribe to a magazine, assuming you subscribe to more than one,

enter your name slightly differently - such as Mark T. Jones for one, MT Jones for the second, Mark Jones for the third, and so on. That way, when the junk mail starts pouring in, you'll know which assholes screwed you.

For example, I now know that all of the ESPN junk mail I get is because of my SI Books subscription. I wouldn't have guessed that'd be the case, but there is no other explanation.

[dixiegrrrrl]

102. Along the same lines...

We subscribed using our dog's name and add the initials of the magazine..
thus: Lassie RD..
our last name on the 2nd line.

Really can tell the junk mail now.

[Angel]

95. I've learned

to trust very few people in life.

[Evoman]

96. -People will believe any lie that puts the liar in a negative light.

-Claims that you have diarrhea will get you out of ANYTHING. Yep..anything. No questions asked.

-Don't ever tell people your fears or secrets. Nobody is worth that trust.

-You can't learn anything significant about the structure of the universe by closing your eyes and talking to air.

[NewJeffCT]

98. save your receipts

always important.

[rrneck]

99. There are very few

really evil people out to hurt you.

Watch out for the incompetent ones.

[pokerfan]

100. Pick your battles

Many useful items can be had for half price, if you are willing to buy them used. (New things quickly become used things anyway.)

You need only 2 tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. (Stolen from Mark Twain but I'd figured it out myself by third grade.)

Learn something new every day.

[Doc_Technical]

101. When using a plunger or other such tools

to unclog a toilet, keep your mouth closed!!

It will take you and Johnny Walker several hours
before your mouth is completely disinfected.

[bookworm65t]

103. Try to get along with others as much as possible

My story:
When I was working my way through school about 17 years ago, I had a co-worker named Wayne who was a small time pot dealer on the side. He told me once in a friendly vein that if I ever wanted to off someone, he could refer me to an acquaintance of his that would do the job for $25. The prospective hitman used a sawed off shotgun and fired from a moving vehicle.

I thanked him for his offer and told him that I was not upset with anyone at that time but would keep it in mind if things changed. I smiled and tried to be a friendly as possible. He seemed disappointed but I tried to keep things friendly.

After that I always tried to have a good relationship with him as much as possible. My sisters were indignant about this when they heard the story for themselves. I had to remind them that if someone would kill another human being for only $25 WOULD YOU PISS THEM OFF?? They got the message.

And no, I never took him on his offer. I learded to be gracious whenever someone offered me assistance of any kind, because you may not know the outcome.

Sorry for being long-winded here. :)