Who's the dumbest person you've ever met?

[displacedtexan]

One of my former students:

She asked me how you say 'bon voyage' in French.

When her boyfriend got another girl pregnant, she stuck by him. When he got a second girl pregnant, she was outraged!

At the end of her senior year, she confided that she was worried about her new job at Taco Bell. She had mastered the beef taco, but she was having trouble with the chicken taco.

This was a white, middle class girl in an all white H.S. in the 'burbs.

[Bunny]

1. Well, that's pretty dumb.

It's hard to imagine who could top that, and I'm not sure I would want anyone to be dumber than her. That would be scary!!

[AngryYoungMan]

2. I knew a girl in college...

...who, when I recommended a particular edition of Shakespeare (The Pelican one with the Oxford editors) asked, "Is it a better translation?"

[displacedtexan]

7. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

B-)

[Maddy McCall]

3. My brother's ex-wife...he told her that her sister was so ditzy that if

he told her sister that a UFO landed in the town square, her sister would believe it.

His wife said, "It did???"

She was a dimbulb. :-)

[displacedtexan]

9. She sounds like my niece...

who, while eating banana nut ice cream, wondered what a banana nut looks like when it's growing.

[ironflange]

22. Aw, that's cute!

Cute if she was six, not so cute if she was 24.

[mlawson]

4. A new teller I had to train.

This young lady was the niece of a bank big shot (imagine that). She was dressed like a streetwalker (I am not kidding), and she could not learn how to do anything. Period. Her typical response to a serious statement or question was to giggle and roll her eyes.

Finally I informed the manager that it was impossible, and that maybe she could do something like keep stacks of papers in order, and things like that (or counting paper clips). But the branch mgr said, 'we have no choice, the VP says she will be on the teller line'.

So, for the next few months we all had to stay late every day, trying to find her transactions errors. Soneone had to balance her window; she had no clue how to do it. What a waste of time and resources, just to please some repuke asshole bank officer! And things like this happen every day, everywhere!

[displacedtexan]

13. You should have some fun with her!

Stop helping her and see what happens... and don't forget to fill me in!

[mlawson]

20. This was 16 years ago.

The problem was, if no one had helped her she would have had the bank computer so f----d up, that no one would have been able to straighten out anything. And the problem with that is that customers would not have had their transactions recorded properly, and then they would be in our lobby, quite irate, at US.
So, it was like working our own jobs with a monkey on our backs. I resigned as soon as I was able to. I can still hear her idiotic braying laugh, every time a male customer made remarks to her...

[saltpoint]

5. Myself -- in 7th grade algebra class.

[displacedtexan]

23. Grades and intelligence have almost nothing in common.

You're here at DU, which means you're pretty damned smart!

[saltpoint]

33. Hi, displacedtexan --

-- and thank you for the kind words.

Much appreciated & good wishes to you.

[lovedems]

6. My sister-in-law

She HONESTLY thinks the chimp got into Yale because of his intelligence. She goes on an on about how smart he is. I kid you not.

When I try to explain otherwise, she rolls her eyes at me like I am the stupid one!

[displacedtexan]

14. I'm related to people that dumb (my Texas relatives).

And they love the freak monkey!

[alittlelark]

8. These are people I had never met before.

An older couple was walking back from a Wal-Mart (my optometrist uses the same parking lot). As I was walking towards my car I saw them staring and pointing at the back of my car.
I had a Bush/Orwell 2004 bumper sticker. As I started to get in my car, they asked me who Orwell was - because they loved Bush*, but really disliked Cheney. They were excited, thinking that there was a push to get a new VP. I was kind, I explained that Orwell wrote a book called 1984. They still didn't get it, but the lady said she had heard of it. When they realized that the sticker was actually anti-* they got huffy, and walked on to their car.
I took off the bumper sticker later in the week. I replaced it w/ an American flag w/ the word THINK on the blue field.

[displacedtexan]

11. Leave the Bush/Orwell sticker on!

Just tell dumb people that you have inside information on the upcoming election!

[alittlelark]

19. They were not the only people who didn't 'get it'

they were just the worst. I had a neighbor that came over to talk about Iraq - She was all for nukin' the place!!!
I decided to ignore the word '*' on all future stickers. Some people have blinders on that are so narrow they can only see '*' as being positive.

[ncrainbowgrrl]

26. LOL!! I have the same sticker- haven't heard that one yet...

mostly get blank stares.

[catzies]

59. That flag sticker sounds really cool, where did you get it?

I want some!

[The Sushi Bandit]

10. My Ex-Wife!

Dumb as a Thumb

[alittlelark]

12. Then why did you marry her!!!!

:crazy:

[displacedtexan]

18. Sorry it took so long to reply!

I was copying your great pic!

Yes, why DID you marry her?

[The Sushi Bandit]

42. I was like the song "He's so young and dumb, young and dumb"

But I got mo-smarter later!

[AlienGirl]

15. Someone I work with

She has the intelligence and personality of a cocker spaniel. She couldn't figure out how to change numbers on a pricing gun (by turning a little knob) after THREE different people had explained and demonstrated it!

Tucker

[ikojo]

16. Is she from the middle class side of the Bush family? nt

[Fenris]

17. Two cheerleaders

Cheerleader #1: "You know what, Heather said she's going to be bringing chips and Queso to the party on Friday."

Cheerleader #2: "I hope it's cheese Queso."

Yes. I actually overheard this conversation. I had a friend there witness it too. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the epitome of stupid.

[displacedtexan]

21. I surrender! YOU WIN!

HAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!

[Fenris]

25. Nothin' as dumb as a rich East Texas cheerleader

:D

[ironflange]

24. I worked at a bar one summer

Live band. After a few days, a co-worker came to me and said, "That band's not very good, they just play the same stuff every night."

hee hee hee

[alittlelark]

27. My sister is not really stupid, just naive and confused at the time.

We grew up in New Mexico. There are joke postcards of 'Jackalopes' It's a jackrabbit w/ antelope horns. My sister discovered they were not real when she was 20 years old! It took myself and a few of her friends to convince her.

[displacedtexan]

28. My neice thought those were real, too!

And she was a Ft. Worth cheerleader.
(See banana nut post)

[MrBenchley]

29. Zach Wamp

Republican representative frrom Tennessee.....I swear, I don't know how he keeps rainwater from puddling on the top of his skull....

[DemoTex]

30. "Rogers"

My bunk mate in basic training at Ft. Polk, La. I have been meaning to search "The Wall" to see if his name is there. God, that Okie was dumb. Stupid too.

[izzie]

31. Oh dear this is a hard one. I have met so many over the years.

Lots are not, they just do not think. That sounds odd but this is how so much of life is lived.

[Nikia]

32. Summer coworker's son

Between my junior and senior year of college, I lived with my my now husband in our college community and had a bout a mile walk to get to work. Since I was in good shape, this wasn't too bad. I met a woman though that worked there that lived really close to me. She offered to give me rides so I accepted. She had a 20 year old son who during the course of the summer got fired from his fast food job. He had briefly been a marine but was discharged because of a health problem.
Anyway he took his mother's car and went looking for jobs at several temp agencies the one day. This was during the second Clinton administration and the job market was very good in our area. Anyway, I got done with work on time that day while his mother had to stay about a half hour late. He told me all about his job search and wondered why no one offered him a job since a few friends had told him that a couple of these agencies were begging for people. These are a couple of his quotes:
1. "Then they asked if I knew how to lift safely and I told them that we just heaved sand bags in the Marines. Lifting safely is for sissys."
2. "They asked me to do a math test and I says 'I ain't no good at math. I don't need a test for that'"
3. "They asked why I left my previous job and I says "I was fired because the manager was a dumb bitch and I told her so.'"
He really didn't understand why he didn't get a job.

[Red State Rebel]

39. That one is a few fries short of a Happy Meal for sure....n/t

[ploppy]

48. LOL!

That is funny! :dunce: He will never understand.

[ChiefHappyButt]

34. my reflection

I need some photoshopping.

I'm too damn good looking (that's my edit, take it or leave it)

[ChoralScholar]

35. In my beginning choir class a few weeks ago

ChoralScholar: Thank you class for being quiet while I was working the Alto section.

Random Girl: Mr. ChoralScholar, was that sarcasm?

ChoralScholar: <in jest> Young lady, we dont uuuuuuuse sarcasm in THIS classroom.

Rest of Class: <laughter>

Clueless 7th grade girl: Huh? I don't get it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
To displacedtexan: I swear if I didn't know better, I'd think you taught at my school.

[CanuckAmok]

36. A hairstylist...

So beautiful, and sooooo dumb.

She had an asshole boyfriend (don't they all?), who spent their vacation money on a fake convertible roof for his lowrider, to which she said "you know, he keeps saying it's for us, but I think it's really for him..."

And once, as a totel non sequitur, she punctuated a hair-related statement with: "ya know what? I drank bleach!"

She was so freakin' dumb.

But really hot, so I kept getting her to cut my hair. One of my friends met her once and nicknamed her "Boobles".

[Skittles]

53. see, that's a big difference between men and women

we really do not like stupid men no matter how they look.

[lazarus]

75. honestly

most intelligent men don't like stupid women, either.

Me, I prefer a brain be factory-equipped.

[mitchum]

37. Myself...

during my misspent youth, a friend and I thought it would be a really good idea to take narcotics in a convertible parked in a mall parking lot at 1:30 in the afternoon. Yes, the police did show up. Miraculously, I talked my way out of it. I can't ever imagine doing something so stupid again...but there is always tomorrow.

[TrogL]

38. My current priest's wife

You do not scream "Hallelujah" in an Anglo-Catholic church during High Mass.

[Interrobang]

40. I went to high school with her.

She was sooo dumb she "graduated" from high school at age 21, when most people in my area at the time would have graduated from her programme at 18 -- they basically passed her finally to get rid of her. She had gone to this private, unregulated "Christian school" up until Grade IX, and she couldn't figure out why she was failing in high school. I figured it out pretty quickly when she brought in one of her "math tests" from "last year" to show me -- it was a photocopied page with shapes, asking the test-takers to identify whether the shapes were *open or closed polygons,* and this supposedly in Grade VIII math!!

One day I saw her reading a fairly hard book, and I knew she was pretty stupid, so I said, "Can you really read that book?" She said, "Sure. I just don't understand all the words in it."

Her ambition in life is to get married and have *lots* of kids. I met her family, and they're all about as dumb as a bag of hammers, so I've kind of been hoping that she gets hit by a bus or something before she manages to breed...

[jus_the_facts]

41. A girlfriend from high shcool once named Maine as a continent.....

....when asked what the 7 continents were....she said...uhm MAINE!!! D"OH! I STILL can't believe she graduated! :eyes:

[On the Road]

50. Maine?

Hell, Aroostook County thinks it's a continent all by itself! Like the time they declared war on Canada.

[gator_in_Ontario]

74. I had an ex who thought

New Mexico was the capital of Arizona....

[skypilot]

43. My foster mother.

An absolutely malevolent woman and dumb to boot. When I was only a kid she once asked me how to spell the word "escape". Considering how much I despised her "escape" was a word I was very familiar with. I started spelling the word for her, "E-S...". She interrupts me, "It is NOT E-S...it's E-X--something!!" I tried to correct her, "No really, it's E-S.." Once again, she interrupts, "It is NOT!! It's E-X--something! What the hell do they teach you in school?!"

Malevolent AND dumb.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

54. yikes!!

i feel bad for you!

[skypilot]

55. Don't worry...

...I survived (and EScaped) that bitch. She is neck and neck with Shrub for the top spot on my MOST HATED list.

[On the Road]

44. The Person Who Asked Me

while talking with me in my kitchen:

"Where do you keep the ice cubes?"

[Red State Rebel]

45. High School student - is New Mexico in the United States?

[alittlelark]

46. That only happened ONCE!?

I'm from NM and have had 10+ people be completely unaware that it is a state!

[Red State Rebel]

62. Hey, the same girl....

Got upset when I told her there were artichoke hearts in her salad because she thought an artichoke was an animal.

[alittlelark]

69. Damn, that is Stoooopid!!!

like...uh...yeah.

[battleknight24]

47. When I was really young, my family and I went on a trip to Mexico...

... We were at a museum in Mexico City that had a lot artifacts of the native Indians of Mexico. My family and I were looking into a glass case that a lot of primitive knife-like objects when a woman next to us said:

"look honey, letter-openers!"

She was being serious.

By the way, I was watching the headlines segment of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Their was a newspaper clipping with a sound off segment asking High School Students what their hardest subject in school was; this one guy replied:

"Spanish, because its, like, a whole other language..."

[Dogmudgeon]

49. Here's one from my mother

She's an intelligent woman, and managed three different and profitable businesses in the course of her life. She reads, she used to write, and she's a politics junkie who also hates Bush.

Last week she asked me if, when you took natural materials and made something out of them (like a house), the total weight of the finished project was greater than that of the parts.

She actually thought that the activity of building something added mass to it.

I find that most people have a few wierd ideas like this floating around in their heads. And, yes, it has happened to me, too.

--bkl
See my monograph, The Female Prostate

[MissMillie]

51. Not that she's particularly dumb

But my sister informed me this week that Bush's plan for a constitutional amendment (to define marriage as the union of a man and a woman) would eventually be found unconstitutional.

I tried to explain it to her, but she really just didn't get it.

[Skittles]

52. one of my brothers' girlfriends

way back in high school - I was with them in the car on a highway - the truck ahead of us advertised a company as being located in 48 states. She wondered what the other two could be. :o

[rsdsharp]

56. Does talking to them on the phone count?

Years ago I worked in a jewelry store that was part of a large chain. I call the home office in Houston to order a piece of merchandise, and told the woman who took the order to send it to my store in Cedar Falls, Iowa. She responded "We don't have no store in Ohio." I politely told her that I was in Iowa. "We don't have no store in Idaho, neither," she said. Again I told her I was in I O wa, store 50538. "There ain't no state called Iowa," was the response.:wtf:

I think this was the same person who refused to send me order forms unless I sent in a form ordering the order forms. I told her I was calling because I was out of the forms needed to order more forms, but she wouldn't send me any of what I needed unless I sent her something I didn't have. (I called another store and got some).

BTW this chain is now out of business. Who'da thunk?

[afraid_of_the_dark]

57. Welcome to DU!

:hi:

[LuLu550]

58. An ex-boyfriend

was telling me how sad it was that most people in the world were too poor to have meat to eat, their main food source was cereal. Then he adds, "I don't think I could live if all I had to eat was Wheaties or something like that." He was cute, but dumb!

[geniph]

60. Probably my stepfather

a nasty, stupid, aggressive bigot who thought Archie Bunker was the only really sensible character on television. He looked and sounded just like him too - not like Carroll O'Connor, like the Archie Bunker character. He got violent anytime I said anything to correct any idiotic statement of his (and he was prone to some doozies), so I learned to keep my mouth shut. One of his true classics was his statement to prove that all professional sports are rigged: "Otherwise, all those colored people wouldn't do so well, because those people aren't smart enough to understand the rules." Oh, and I suppose YOU are, brainiac? :eyes:

But if you want anecdotes, all the funny anecdotes are dumb user stories.
The one who couldn't power her computer up no matter what she did. I finally went over to look at it, and the power strip was plugged into itself.
The one who was getting "no signal" on her monitor, and after 15 minutes, we finally established that the monitor had TWO cords, and the one that wasn't plugged into the wall was just hanging there in space "Oh, that box thingie? I have to have one of those?" She didn't have a computer!
The one whose printer never printed anything after 3:30. Not too surprising, since her cubemate left at 3:30 and turned her computer off at the power strip, which the printer was also plugged into.
The one who called to complain about having trouble getting into a particular Internet site (I was third-level support at the time, mind you, so this had been escalated twice). After half an hour of troubleshooting, we finally established that he was having difficulty getting to a site to buy classic car parts. At work. At a time when personal use of the Internet was strictly prohibited, let alone wasting techs' time troubleshooting it.

I have millions of those.

[ThePittsburghKid]

61. This girl

in my intro to Political Science class. We were discussing theories of power distribution. A theory came up that says that the most power is distributed through a group called "homo politicus"/political man, basically people who devote their lives to politics.

This girl raises her hand and asks: "HOMO politicus? Does that mean they're gay?"

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

63. A few people

have asked me how long it takes me to drive back from Ohio to Puerto Rico. But only one believed me that it depends on how high the tide is around the bridge that goes over Cuba and connects to PR. THESE WERE ALL COLLEGE PEOPLE!!!

[Bundbuster]

64. I once knew a full-grown man

who, twice a year on daylight savings changeover day, would stay up past his normal bedtime 'till 2 a.m. to change all his clocks & watches. I tried to explain to him that he could do it maybe the next day, but he was convinced that it had to be done exactly at 2 a.m., when the "official" changeover occurred.

I never did get a full discourse on what might happen if he made the change at some other hour, but he was thoroughly convinced that it would be cataclysmic.

[Whitacre D_WI]

65. RandomKoolzip.

I keed, I keed.

[Breezy du Nord]

66. These 5 girls in my HS science class

I'm in honors english and social studies but just the regular Science, but the honors people have classes together, so I am forced to wonder every day how these girls got into ANY Honors classes. They waste about 20 minutes asking the teacher the STUPIDEST questions. (those I suppose I should thank them, a lot of times they waste so much time that he doesn't have time to give us homework)

[Logansquare]

67. My ex-boyfriend's brother

He stole a phone from a hospital where he worked and gave it to my boyfriend, saying "it's a good phone, but you have to dial 9 first.."

[Shopaholic]

68. Another cheerleader story

When I was in high school, one of the cheerleaders once asked me what day Christmas was on that year. "Saturday?" I said. "No, I mean the DATE!" she said, as if I were the stupid one.

[EstimatedProphet]

70. I've seen a bundle, but let's go with this one

In college there was this guy that hung around with us that we called Toad. Not the brightest guy...
We were playing football at a party when Toad got tackled. Bit his tongue near straight through. Had to have it stiched up. So, after getting stitches, Toad comes back, kinda mouthed something to the effect that he wasn't supposed to eat or drink for 24 hours, and IMMEDIATELY picked up a chicken leg and started chewing on it. The real funny thing was the way he ate: <chewchew> OW! <chew> OWWWW!
And, kept it up for about 15 minutes.

[Gung_Fu]

71. Holy Crap that is some funny stuff!

[NJCher]

72. truck rental place

When I was in college, I had a friend who had a part-time job working for Ryder Truck Rentals. She had to answer the phone in a cheery voice, "Ryder rents trucks!"

People would always respond the same way, though. "Do you rent trucks?"

Drove her nutz.


Cher

p.s. these are some hilarious stories. I really enjoyed reading this thread.

[KC]

73. Well there have been several, but

people I meet who voted for Bush in 2000 and still plan to vote for him in 2004 - they are really dumb !!

KC

[lazarus]

76. Here's a couple

There's the folks in Brewton, AL, who put a bumper sticker on the front bumper of their car. The bumper sticker read, "If you can read this, you're too close."

And the customers who would call when I was managing one of my pizza stores.

Me: "Domino's Pizza, may I take your order please?"
Them: "Yeah, I'd like to order a pizza?"
(They always ended with a question mark on that one, as if they weren't sure.)

Me: "Okay, sir, what would you like?"

Them: "Hold on. (to crowd in background)Hey, everybody, what do you want on your pizza?"

Begin 10 minute session of listening to idiots arguing about what they want on the pizza, after they've called and gotten us on the phone.

Of course, they always made sure to include the fact that they wanted cheese and sauce on the pizza. "I'd like pepperoni, and mushrooms, and onions. Oh, and cheese and sauce. And none of them damned fish!"

To which I wanted to reply, "Sir, would you like crust, as well?"

And why do people assume we'd just put anchovies on a pizza at random? We sold maybe 3 or 4 pizzas a month with anchovies (not counting my several a week. Yum!). It's just craziness.

Oh, and they always assumed it was 30 minutes or free, even though that promotion ran for exactly one summer, and hadn't been in effect in many years.

Peoples is stupid.