How's this for a total lack of class? On Saturday we had a few friends and neighbors over for wine,

[ohiosmith]

and snacks. Everyone that came brought wine and/or something to eat for sharing. A neighbor couple, that we'll call Todd and Margo, that we met at a party last summer brought a bottle of Merlot and a cheese platter. As the gathering drew to a close Margo proceeded to put the leftovers on the disposable platter that they had brought. She then asked my wife for some Saran wrap to cover it. Which my wife provided. Todd then picked up a bottle of wine and said "I see our wine wasn't opened, I'll save it for when we have you folks over". My Buddy Tony said " hey man read the label, that's not your wine, you brought that crappy Merlot". Todd put the wine down as Margo took him by the arm and led him to the door with one hand while balancing the platter of leftovers with the other. She thanked us and fled the scene.

These are not people in need. They own several local businesses. He drives a Jag and she a Porsche. :eyes:

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. That's why they have money for a Porsche and a Jag.

And people like you, who didn't stop Margo, enable their tacky behavior.

I don't understand the thinking of some people. To think that she was entitled to the leftovers - that's fucking awful. And to think that they were entitled to take their gift bottle of wine back is even more tacky. And then, to try to take home "their" bottle which wasn't even theirs is - well, it's fucking Republican, that's what it is.

Merlot, by the way, has a t on the end.

[kentauros]

3. Perhaps really cheap merlot

is so cheap they can't afford the ink for the 't' on the end :P

Yes, they sounded quite republican to me, too.

[ohiosmith]

5. :

:rofl:

[ohiosmith]

4. "T" right. Thanks. I should have beat her ass.

[kentauros]

8. Or, after she had wrapped up the leftovers

calmly and politely taken it from her, thanking her for helping you put the leftovers away and promptly put it in your refrigerator ;)

[Bertha Venation]

17. Ooh, I like that!

:rofl:

[Citizen Number 9]

10. It's possible that "Margo(t)" has a "t" on the end, too.

I don't think this as clearly "tacky" as it might seem.

Didn't they bring the left-overs in the first place? Maybe Margot needed her platter back. I think it would have been sort of weird to make a big deal about transferring some crackers and cheese to another platter just to leave them.

As for the wine, maybe Margot didn't notice that it was their wine that had been drunk. Maybe they thought no one liked the Red, so they might as well take it back.

Posting this complaint on the internet seems at least as hyper-tacky as the behavior being complained about, unless of course they actually are Republican in which case it is entirely correct to jump on them.

[madeline_con]

21. Todd and Margo(t) are still anonymous, even if we all know

people just like them.

They are also symbolic of the tacky guest who wonders why they never get a 2nd invitation. Perhaps this thread will help others from committing such a horible holiday fuax pas in their own lives. :P

[Citizen Number 9]

27. Hee Hee. Maybe

But manners have been important for at least a couple hundred years and there still seems to be no shortage of the crude and rude and otherwise insensitive. :+

[madeline_con]

35. They may be going out of style somewhat.

Fellow adults seem a bit astounded when my 13 yo extends his hand when introduced to them.

[madeline_con]

19. "... it's fucking Republican, that's what it is."

May I use that when referring to cheap, low class antics? :rofl:

[Midlodemocrat]

2. I've never understood that kind of behavior.

I also don't understand a couple in my neighborhood who are very well off, hosting a Christmas party for their neighbors whereby you contribute $25 per couple for wine, beer and paper products and have to bring a heavy hors d'oeuvre or a dessert.

Talk about a friggin' racket. $25 for paper products for 40 people would last 5 years if you bought it at Costco. Not to mention all the beer and wine.

Cheap fucks.

[madeline_con]

22. Turn them into the ATF for running an unlicensed lounge! n/t

[LynneSin]

6. I do have one complaint though about the wine thing

I went to a party where gifts were not expected but I brought a bought of wine along that I was hoping would be used for the party. Instead she put it away and proceeded to give me a glass of the crappy jug red wine she bought for everyone.

Call me silly but when someone brings alcohol along especially when gifts were not expected - I usually ask my guests if that's what they want to drink or if there is something else they liked to have.

[ohiosmith]

9. That's an excellent practice. I usually ask what they would like to drink. Including the wine they...

brought in the question is a great idea.

[pitohui]

11. i'm not saying you're silly but miss manners says you ARE wrong

this issue has been discussed many times and she insists that hostesses should serve the wine they have already planned, and indeed it's correct for them to keep the "gift" wine for later or another occasion -- esp. in your case where it sounds like you did not bring along enough of the "gift" wine for everyone anyway, hence, you were served the same wine as everyone else

when you're the hostess in this situation, you are perfectly proper to thank the person for the gift wine but you don't serve it -- you serve what you've already got planned to go with the food you've prepared

either way, somebody's unhappy, a lot of times it's hostesses bitching that they were expected to serve a gift wine that did not go with their plans

now if it's a BYOB thing, sure, you drink what you brought, but that isn't what you have described

example -- if your hostess/thank you gift was a box of chocolates, would you expect the hostess to serve your chocolates for dessert instead of the chocolate mousse she'd already prepared -- course not -- well, it's the same thing

[kentauros]

16. However

How does Miss Manners feel about whatever wine/beverage being served is not something you can drink, whether because it's unpalatable or causes illness? Red wine gives me instant heartburn; thus, I don't drink it. However, if I brought a white and it was put away and I was served the red, I would refuse it, asking instead for the white I brought (were I so inclined to drink wine with dinner at all) and share the opened bottle. If Miss manners objects to this, then Miss Manners needs to be updated to food allergies and the like ;)

[Auggie]

20. I'm going to guess Miss Manners would suggest you ask for A white wine,

not necessarily the one you brought, citing the reason of your allergy/heartburn. Or, simply suggest you ask for a glass of water.

[kentauros]

25. Most of the time, I'm given a choice,

because the host understands that not everyone is the same for what's palatable and what isn't. So I'm asked if I have any food problems since I'm also vegetarian. It is amazing what people don't know about vegetarianism! :D

Yes, wine is acceptable.
No, fish is not a vegetable.

:P

[madeline_con]

23. I remeber my parents getting into one of these over the

thermos of coffee Dad's mother would bring to family dinners. My mother was livid! :rofl:

[pitohui]

26. kentauros, in the situation you describe, you didn't bring the hostess a gift, you BYOB

there is nothing wrong w. BYOB if you have an allergy, however, it would be rude in my humble opinion to pretend that your bottle of white wine was a gift for your hostess when you clearly plan to drink it yourself

for the record, my husband has a special diet, and we do sometimes bring our own food/drinks to events...but we do not pretend that these items are gifts for the hostess, we recognize that we're bringing them for my husband, to protect his health

you would still owe a separate hostess gift, in my humble view

[kentauros]

28. Well, luckily, I'm not invited to such things

so most of this is moot :P

If there's wine and it's white, I'll drink it, otherwise, it's water. If they didn't ask beforehand, maybe they'll remember to next time, as I feel that's a big part of being considerate of your potential guests, too :)

[LynneSin]

29. Seriously that's half the reason I brought it - I couldn't drink what she gave me

Some California reds will give me bad headaches and turn my face to flush badly

So I had nothing to drink

And sometimes I think Miss Manners is wrong.

but that's just me

[Auggie]

33. So what was the red wine? Inquiring minds want to know...

[LynneSin]

34. it was just my favorite $8 Pinotage from South Africa

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinotage

I believe it was Graham Beck but I also know it won't knock me out like a Cali Red

[Auggie]

14. Not everyone is as gracious a host as you...

though I believe etiquette would say it is the wine receiver's gift to do with what they want. Same thing has happened to me, lots of times.

[LynneSin]

30. Sometimes it is a gift but it's all in the wording

But sometimes it's clearly obvious that's what the person wants to drink. I never indicated to that person that the wine was a gift - it was a party to watch the Eagles in the playoffs - most of the people were drinking beer. I had brought food for the party and the wine (a South African Pinotage) was there specifically for me because I didn't feel like beer and I'm a bit fussy on wine. And for the few people drinking wine they were welcomed to share.

[pitohui]

31. this sounds like your basic misunderstanding then

i bet the hostess was not trying to screw you, she prob. did think it was meant to be a gift (even though you also brought food -- at least you prob. impressed her w. your generosity!)

i would have said something like "i'm going to open my wine now because i sometimes have a reaction to other reds and i know this one is safe for me, anybody else want some?" and i think she would get the hint and all would be smoothed over


of course you were there and i wasn't, and if she was just making a bitchy grab to keep your wine, well, i guess we can put her picture on the shelf with the evildoers in the original post! :-)

[RandomThoughts]

7. Funny thing is,

many upper middle class people, are actually really poor. They are in debt up to their nose, and over extend to put on an image of wealth, like the cars you mentioned. And many times they are hooked into consumerism, where they buy new stuff, when the old stuff would still work just fine.

Not always true, but sometimes they spend every penny they make times 2, so the more they make, the poorer they become.

[Bertha Venation]

12. LOL Todd and Margo

LOVE that movie.

[ohiosmith]

15. :

[Nye Bevan]

13. Much more like this here....

http://www.etiquettehell.com/

Go to this site and you will see that there are no limits to bad manners.

[madeline_con]

18. A lot of people live large by being cheap bastids in some ways.

The switcheroo on the wine was an example. I take it Todd and Margo won't be invited back for New Year's Eve. :rofl:

Taking the leftovers, without being offered? They've got lots of class. Too bad it's all LOW. :puke:

Happ Happy, Joy Joy! :hi:

[Xipe Totec]

24. Too bad they don't drive a T-bird

they could use that as an excuse to bring a bottle of Thunderbird wine next time.


Some people...

:eyes:

[Bunny]

32. Welll, in no way will I defend Todd's attempt to take the more expensive wine home.

That was tacky, no question. But you said that you invited some people over, and everyone brought something to eat or drink. Did you plan it that way? If so, it seems more like a potluck to me. And in that case, I don't think Margo was horrible to want to take the remainder of her food home. Did she try to take other people's food home as well as hers? That would be horribly tacky.

Having said all that, I wouldn't dream of taking anything home from a party, whether I had brought it or not. That's just not done, in my circles.