So I loaned some money to a friend.

[AirmensMom]

It was several months ago and was supposed to be paid back in two weeks. I could really use it now! Everyone is going through such a hard time these days. I'm afraid to ask about it. What should I do? Just suck it up and try to get along without it ... forever? Ask for it and risk upsetting my friend? What would you do?

:shrug:

[Shell Beau]

1. Exactly why I will give money and not loan it.

It puts you in a weird situation now and all you did was help someone out. I would ask. I would just say how you need it. It is a hard time of year. I hope you are able to get it back!

[AirmensMom]

4. That's what we normally do.

But this is more than we could give and I felt like we had no choice. There was a lot of pleading involved.

Thanks. I doubt I will get it back, but I wouldn't mind if it came in smaller amounts instead of all at once ... perhaps I could suggest that.

[SoCalDem]

18. Yup.. never "loan" money you may need..

I have loaned my best friend money, and since I know she would not need the loan, if she had ready access to money, I never expect a timetable..I opened a savings account for her at my bank, and she deposits money when she can.. When it's up the the amount she borrowed ($3K), we'll close the account..

When her son was killed by a drunk driver, I loaned her $5k for the funeral ..she paid back every dime.. and we never talk about "the money".. I know she'll pay it back when she can.. It would be worth it to me, even if she never paid me back.. The $3k I loaned her, helped her move away from an abusive spouse & paid the 1st, last & deposits necessary for her new place:)

[AirmensMom]

23. Too late for that.

And it's the only time I have ever done it.

Our situation has changed between then and now. Otherwise, I wouldn't be so concerned about it.

[SoCalDem]

41. You might try writing a very nice letter to them

recapping your friendship over time, and tug at their heartstrings a bit..about how YOU were there for them in their time of need, and how disappointed you are about their lack of respect for you, by not paying it back.. It sucks to have to beg for money you are owed, but it may be the only way you get it back:(.. It hurts to lose a friend over money, but most times, I think that's just what happens:(

[Tuesday Afternoon]

2. shit...

You guys are so good to everyone.

[AirmensMom]

7. Hey.

:hug:

Thanks. We didn't expect the job to end and I thought it would only be for two weeks anyway. It's been WAY longer than that now. :cry:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

11. ~

:hug: check your PM.

[blueraven95]

3. hey!

:hi:


Is it a lot? Because if it is, and it was supposed to be paid back I would ask about it. I would offer to set up a pay schedule, if possible.

[AirmensMom]

9. Hey!

:hi:

Yeah. Too much to just give away. I'll ask about a pay schedule. Thanks. :hug:

[blueraven95]

10. I'm sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything

you guys really are too good! :hug:

[AirmensMom]

12. Thanks.

:hug: We try ... but lately we seem to have "kick me" signs on our backs. :shrug:

[blueraven95]

14. I know those times...

if there is anything I can do to help out, let me know.


:hug:

[AirmensMom]

27. ...

You're doing it. :hug:

[blueraven95]

32. ...

:hug:

[Marrah_G]

5. Never loan money- give it if you want

But never loan money that you need. That way if you get it back, great. If you don't, then you are still okay.

[AirmensMom]

8. Yeah, I know.

What do you do when your friend is in dire need, just until the first paycheck comes in and you can't afford to give away that much money? Send them away? It was a hard decision and I couldn't say no. But it was more money than we could afford to give away. I surely won't do it again, but I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place.

[Marrah_G]

15. I totally know where you are coming from

It's a sucky place to be.

[gmoney]

6. I'm sure they're aware, maybe hoping you don't ask...

Maybe ask when they think they can get you at least part of the money?

If they're employed, they may be getting some sort of year-end bonus, so might have a few bucks to spare to pay you back.

I'm kind of in the same boat, but I was pretty businesslike on the front end. Got some collateral and a signed note. My friend has paid 1/4 of the money back, and is promising another 1/4 soon, as she's getting back on her feet a bit. Doesn't seem to be hurting our friendship though.

UNLIKE the friend who borrowed money, allegedly for one purpose, but instead wasted on another. I even agreed to take part of it in trade, which was never even provided to me. This friend has had a big fat windfall, but I doubt I'll see anything one way or another before he skips town.

[AirmensMom]

13. That's my thought.

So I guess I'll ask for part of it. They do have money coming in now.

Sounds like you did it a LOT smarter! :thumbsup:

[The2ndWheel]

16. Ask another friend for a loan

Then you ask a 3rd friend for a loan to pay off a portion of the loan you took since you didn't collect on the original loan. Then you get a group of friends together, take out a giant loan for the 4 of you, and then return the loans you took out between yourselves. And then when that doesn't work, you get an even larger group of strangers to give that group of friends a loan, so that they give you 4 the money to pay back. And then when that doesn't work, you just start printing money. When that doesn't work, just enter a zero here and there into the spreadsheet, and then make it look like you have the money that you're now paying to 15 different people. That's when you make a call to someone in another country...

Spread the risk. What could go wrong?

[Heidi]

17. What are you afraid of? If you really need it, ask for repayment. If not,

write it off as a lesson learned.

I personally would not ask for repayment, but I don't make loans. I either give it, or I don't, after talking first with my husband and my cat. Loans can get messy. Gifts: not so much. :hi:

[AirmensMom]

24. I don't want to

embarrass her.

I don't make loans either. I give or not. This is the first time a friend has ever asked to borrow money and I couldn't say no. I couldn't give it to her, either. Sounds like everyone here is a lot stronger than I am.

:hi:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

30. Embarrass her?

Oh, honey, you've got it totally backwards.

Now, pay attention.

She was supposed to pay you back TWO WEEKS after you loaned her the money, right?

When that didn't happen, and you didn't say anything, she decided to take advantage of you. I'm not saying that her behavior is malicious, but she's acting in a dishonorable way, and, in my world, anyway, that would make me very wary of such a "friend."

Call her and tell her - not "ask" her - in simple language, just like you posted here, that you need to be paid back right away. If you found the words and energy to post your dilemma here, you can do it just as easily over the phone.

I suppose it seems noble of you to loan money you could ill afford, but I think it's just foolish. I hope you get your money back.

[Oeditpus Rex]

19. Very interesting dynamic in these cases

We'd rather do without the money we need than risk embarrassing a friend, because that embarrassment would slingshot back to us and possibly damage the friendship — or, at least, that's what we fear.

I could really use the $1,300 I lent a friend for moving expenses several years ago, and I gather she could afford it. I talk to her regularly on Facebook, but I just... can't... bring myself to mention it.



Humans are strange.

[AirmensMom]

21. That's it exactly.

I don't want to embarrass my friend.

Wow, that's a lot of money. I'm sorry your friend isn't coming through.

Yep, we're strange alright.

[Whoa_Nelly]

20. Ask THAT friend for a loan

hard times and all...

Seriously, would ask for repayment. Your friend is not a very good friend if s/he has chosen to ignore paying you back. It was never your friend's money; it was yours.

So, why worry about upsetting that friend when that friend is already upsetting you by ignoring the friendly terms of original agreement?

Hope things work out :hug:

[AirmensMom]

22. LOL!

:rofl: GREAT idea! But she keeps telling me how broke she is and I don't want to make her feel bad. :wtf: I'm hopeless.

Thanks. :hug:

[Kali]

25. I totally know this situation.

I loaned a few bucks to a friend who was really having a hard time. He since had what seems to have been some kind of heart attack and subsequent medical issues so I am pretty sure he has forgotten (it was more than a year ago). I could use the money but I am embarrassed to ask for the both of us! How stupid we are about sex and money in this culture.

I'm close to writing it off as I know he still isn't doing too well financially. oh well.

[AirmensMom]

26. You know it alright.

:fistbump:

I'm sorry it happened to you too.

[ScreamingMeemie]

28. I've been there. MrG always said we wouldn't loan money

expecting to get it back. We've never gotten money loaned back. Now, I just give money. I'm so sorry.

[AirmensMom]

29. We never did before.

We always give money. But we couldn't really give this much at the time and we REALLY can't now.

How's the packing? :hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

31. It's a lonely job.

[trof]

33. "Neither a borrower or a lender be.

For a loan oft loses both itself and friend.
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry."
- William Shakespeare

Good advice then and good advice now.

[JVS]

34. Kneecaps

[HEyHEY]

35. Just say, "Dude, got any of that cash I lent you? I could really use it"

[Genevieve]

36. ditto, nt

[emilyg]

44. Yep.

[harmonicon]

37. ask about it, but don't seem desperate

rule #1 about lending money: don't ever lend an amount of money to a friend that it would hurt to never get back.

[LaurenG]

38. Ask for it -

The age of honesty is upon us, hold them accountable but be flexible. It's your money, not theirs.

[hippywife]

39. If this person is a good friend

they would totally understand that your situation has changed and now you could use the help. Personally, I think it would give her a chance to do something good for you, which could make her feel better, not embarrassed. Just let her know you wouldn't be pressing her for it if it weren't absolutely necessary.

Good luck :hi:

[mokawanis]

40. I'd call the friend

the agreement was a two-week loan and you've been more than patient. Maybe half asap and the other half in a week or two?

[wartrace]

42. Call them and ask for your money.

If they refuse there is little else you can do except break their kneecaps. You have to hit it from the side to really get a "good" break that they will remember the rest of their lives. Use a wooden ball bat as the aluminum bats are not as effective. Make sure you let them know that it hurts you to have to do it before you whack them, that way they understand that it is THEIR fault it is happening.

Unless you are willing to follow the advice above you can always just write it off as a mistake you made. Obviously the individual doesn't respect you enough to keep his/her promises to you. If I owed money to a friend I would make EVERY effort to repay it even if it meant taking a second job, selling something or donating plasma.

[cemaphonic]

43. Ugh, that's a rough situation, and can easily lead to losing both money and friend.

If you can possibly afford to, write the loan off in your mind (and even then be prepared for strained relationships, since your friend probably is feeling anxious about the situation too).

If you really need the money, ask for it back, and try to negotiate a set payment schedule, even if it is very long-term, since a "chip a few bucks in when you can" is almost guaranteed to kill the friendship. This might blow up in your face, but at least it will be out in the open, instead of being a festering sore in your relationship, and you might get the money back.

If you *really* need the money, that's what small-claims court is for, although you'll lose your friend for sure.

Good luck.

[Skittles]

45. tell them you want your fucking money back

if they are not forthcoming, kick their ass

[Eurobabe]

46. I would call the person up and

just be direct. You need them to pay the money back ASAP. It was a loan.

[Callalily]

47. I'm so sorry that you have

this decision to make in the first place. I suspect your friend struggled with even asking you for financial help.

Can't think of any advice that hasn't been said above, but my personal feeling, if you need some of your loan back, you should not feel bad about asking for it. Your friend will understand. After all, your friend is in the same situation.

Sending prayers and hugs.

:hug: :loveya: :hug: