Worst 80's Hair Band

[southpaw]

You know the drill...

[Screaming Lord Byron]

1. Where is Enuff Z'nuff? or Slaughter?

This is sacriledge!

[southpaw]

2. So many shitty excuses for rock-n-roll

so few slots in the DU poll machine...

[a_random_joel]

8. Or Stryper!

Miracle metal! Yeah!

[tridim]

10. Or Stryper? Or Kix?

I guess it really doesn't matter, they were all bad. Much worse than Disco. Just because they had 10 guitar lessons and an enthusiastic hair dresser doesn't mean they should form a band.

[a_random_joel]

19. Disco is cool.

Hair metal and disco should not even be mentioned in the same thread.

Blasphemy!

[Whitacre D_WI]

3. Got a picture of your house,

You're standing by the door.
It's black & white and faded,
And it's lookin' pretty worn.

[southpaw]

5. Pure Shakespeare

Janie Lane (sp?) is a bleeding musical genius...

[Sandpiper]

25. Now the lights are going out

Along the Boulevard
Memories come rushing back
And it makes it pretty hard

I've got nowhere left to go
And no one really cares
I don't know what to do
But I'm never giving up on you!

Heaven isn't too far away...

[jimbo fett]

4. Who the hell is Pretty Boy Floyd? I thought he was a gangster.

I avoided hair metal in the 80s so I must've completely missed this band to not even recognize the name.

[southpaw]

9. Pretty Boy Floyd

was a late 80's atrocity that made early Poison look like R.E.M.

They were poked fun at by the band Ugly Kid Joe (remember "I Hate Everything About You?") who chose a name that was the polar opposite of Pretty Boy Floyd.

[a_random_joel]

6. All of the above

There is no such thing as "worst"...

They are equally deficient satanic fecal matter.

[RandomKoolzip]

7. I don't see Trixter or Blue Murder anywhere....

Or Wildside, Bang Tango, The Stone Roses, or Love/Hate either.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

13. Love/Hate - I think I owned 'Blackout in the Red Room'

How truly lame is that.

P.S. Don't think I didn't notice, Koolzip. I'm on your case.

[RandomKoolzip]

16. Fiddlesticks!.....Accursed mountebank.....

You may have won this battle, but the war....is up for grabs.

[Whitacre D_WI]

18. I wouldn't call the Stone Roses "hair metal."

More like "hair poop."

[Screaming Lord Byron]

22. A calculated slur by Evil Sir Koolzip. He has thrown his gauntlet down.

I accept his indie-geek challenge.

[RandomKoolzip]

24. "Ears and noses will be the trophies of the day....

but this one crosses over whole." Daniel Day-Lewis in Gangs of New York...


Guys, this is between ME AND BYRON. You don't have to watch if you're squeamish....It might get ugly.

[a_random_joel]

20. The Stone Roses?

Hair Metal?

And they are cool. So cool I should point you in the direction of my Britpop thread.

[frylock]

28. love the remix lp

[BlueEyedSon]

11. Night Ranger? Skid Row?

[Red_Storm]

55. Night Ranger? not hair band....

[Sandpiper]

12. Where the hell is Firehouse?

Singers of some of the most maudlin power ballads of all time?

[southpaw]

21. Forgot them...

But I recall that one of their songs sounded really up-beat and happy, and when I saw the video the band were scowling at the camera and surrounded by burning, overturned automobiles...

[Doctor_J]

14. Survivor

That guy sings on the "Real Men Of Genius" beer commercials, and he's still got that mullet/shag. So glad we moved past that.

[Sandpiper]

15. Motley Crue? Bon Jovi? Def Leppard?

n/t

[bubblesby2002]

72. What the hell is wrong with Def Leppard?

I just went to see them a couple of months ago and they were great. Any band that waits for their drummer to relearn drumming with only one arm is okay by me. Pour a little suger on me.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

17. This begins and ends with.......

L O V E R B O Y !

[frylock]

31. loverboy is on the indian casino circuit..

they're playing at either Barona or Viejas down here in SD.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

32. They must be working for the weekend, then.

[hatrack]

75. A related TRUE story

A friend of mine was cruising through central Missouri when a billboard caught his eye.

It was plugging a small town (Mexico, MO?) and its upcoming Fall Festival. The lineup? "Steam Tractor Show AND Def Leppard".

"If I've told them once, I've told them a thousand times - it's Spinal Tap first, puppet show second!!"

[blackcat77]

23. Cinderella

My wife LOVES them and STILL plays their stuff all the time...

[southpaw]

27. Speaking of Cinderella

How could I have forgotten Brittany Fox, Cinderella's retarded sibling?

That's it... I'm editing the Poll

[frylock]

26. wouldn't be great if great white and white lion joined forces?

They could be Great White Lion!!

[Sandpiper]

29. I totally forgot about White Lion

Little child
Dry your cryin eyes
How can I explain
The fear you feel inside

Blech :puke:

[southpaw]

30. Remember Vito Bratta?

I bet he prayed every night that he would wake up the next morning and actually BE Eddie VanHalen...

[MaineDem]

91. I heard he's a grandfather living in FL now

:D

[RandomKoolzip]

33. I know a lot of people would disagree, but...

I always thought Guns and Roses were a bunch of corporate hair-metal posers with no talent and a horrible guitar tone. Their appeal still continues to escape me. I never had a "GnR" phase as a teener. I lumped them together with the rest of the Winger/Bulletboys clan. I STILL can't detect a difference, either.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

42. I concur, RK.

[RandomKoolzip]

48. Good. Just for that, I forgive you for that Zappa/GbV thread....

and for stealing my bike in 2nd grade!

GnR were bloomin' awful.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

53. I believe that was Whitacre who stole your bike.

I wrote your fake love notes to Miss Johnson, you know, the hot civics teacher?

[RandomKoolzip]

57. You knob! Take it back, you femme!

Whitacre didn't steal my bike, he stole the oxygen around me with that fart he laid on everyone on Saturday night......

[jonnyblitz]

94. oh i agree. I could never stand Axel Rose's voice

and he was/is dumb ass homophobe on top of that...

[Sandpiper]

34. Whitesnake!!!

How could we forget David Coverdale and Steve Vai's musical abomination!

Now here I go again on my own
Going down the only road I've ever known!!!

[Screaming Lord Byron]

35. Again, Tawny Kitaen is in the videos. That covers a multitude of sins.

[RandomKoolzip]

37. What about that Coverdale/Page album, though?

n/t

[Sandpiper]

40. Heaven only knows

What Jimmy Paige must have been thinking. Just shows what too many years of qualudes and teenage groupies will do to you. :D

[Screaming Lord Byron]

41. Never heard it. I don't even have a witty rejoinder for you.

Sorry.

[LynneSin]

49. Just what I was thinking - where is the Led Zep hairband rip offs

:shrug:

[RandomKoolzip]

54. You mean Kingdom Come?

"GEEEET it on!" A chocolate cupcake to whoever remembers their lead singer's name without Googling it.

[southpaw]

71. Was it Lenny Wolf?

I swear I didn't google... but I was in a band that played "Get It On"

[BlueEyedSon]

36. Spinal Tap?

LOL!!!

[Screaming Lord Byron]

44. Dude, you can't LOL your own posts. That's like, superlame.

LOL!

[BlueEyedSon]

46. Double LOL!

just in a wacky mood today.
you too, huh?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

50. I'm afraid so. Financial services will do that to you.

It's a real slow day.

[BlueEyedSon]

52. Can you refi my house?

It'll give you something to do....

[Screaming Lord Byron]

56. Can I interest you in a mine in Nunavut?

That's what we're financing today.

[BlueEyedSon]

59. Brrrrr!

[MrSlayer]

38. All of them suck but Poison was the worst.

The poster boys of poserdom, the enemy of all things Metal. Glam Rock was some of the cheesiest garbage ever to affront our nation. Don't dignify it by calling it Metal because it was not.

[BlueEyedSon]

39. Imagine the tour they could do together.... Hairapalooza

[RandomKoolzip]

43. Fastway? Y&T? Anybody remember those?

How about Helloween, Raven, Helix, Autograph, or Giuffria?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

45. I see your Helloween and raise you one Annihilator.

Helloween? Deutscher Dumbkoffs!

[RandomKoolzip]

51. I shoulda known you'd go Canuck with that post....

"ALice in Hell!" Now there's a flashback....

Killer Dwarfs, anyone? Savatage, maybe? How about Accept?

[Screaming Lord Byron]

58. The Almighty were bad, but at the bottom of every barrel of metal sludge..

there lies KING DIAMOND!

[RandomKoolzip]

61. Oh no, have some Mercy(ful Fate)!

Or I'll sic my Armored Saint on you....

[Screaming Lord Byron]

65. And I shall reply with Christian Death, Lita Ford and GWAR.

[RandomKoolzip]

67. Yeah? Well.......Pseudo Echo!

Hah! (I know, they're not metal....neither was Hipsway, but dammit, the names themselves count!)

[Screaming Lord Byron]

69. The Quireboys!...no, I'm out. Unless you want to include Living Colour.

But they were sort-of-OK, actually.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

70. But I have to mention Yngwie Malmsteen.

[Red_Storm]

66. I know I wasn't the only one that.................

was singing along to TURN UP THE RADIO

Come On People :evilgrin:

[cosmokramer]

47. FLOCK OF SEAGULLS!

The absolute WORST!

[RandomKoolzip]

60. Um.....

"hair METAL?" I see where you're going with the "hair" thing, but.....

On edit..: okay, I saw the title of this thread again. You're right, it doesn't say "metal" in the title. Flock of Seagulls is acceptable.

[cosmokramer]

63. Didn't see 'metal' referenced anywhere.

They DO have the worst hair though. ;)

[Red_Storm]

62. worst hair.....yes............worst band....probably not............

[cosmokramer]

64. My bad--didn't fully read the question.

:P

[Touchdown]

68. I can't believe you left off Ratt!

The couldn't play their instruments, couldn't write songs, and couldn't use hair spray right. They were notorious for being out of tune, off key, and off time, and generally sucking in LA before they signed a record deal, and ...well, they just sucked!:puke:

[jus_the_facts]

73. So what sorta GARBAGE were you all listening to in the 80's then??

.....Spandou Ballet...Tears For Fears :puke: :D

[Screaming Lord Byron]

74. I was listening to bad metal, myself.

Thankfully I escaped!

[Sandpiper]

76. I was listening to crappy hair metal

like any good self respecting junior high school boy.

[jus_the_facts]

77. Well then it musta not been all that bad if ya'll still listened to it....

:P

[Screaming Lord Byron]

78. No, it really was. I was fourteen ferchrissakes!

What the hell do sex-starved 14 year old boys know about anything?

[Sandpiper]

79. My tastes are somewhat different now

than they were when I was 13. :-)

[jus_the_facts]

82. Ahhhh so it was actually all their GROUPIES you enjoyed the most huh?!

....it was all the half nekkid women in the videos....I getcha!! :evilgrin:

[orangeotter]

80. Grim Reaper.

only hit "I'll see you in Hell". British Hair Metal --beat that.

[Screaming Lord Byron]

81. Saxon

[southpaw]

83. How about Ded Engine or Snatch

Both were wanna-be metal bands that took out ads in sHit Parader and Circus trying to promote themselves

Snatch's album was called "If The Party's In Your Mouth, I'm Coming"

[southpaw]

84. WASP

Blackie Lawless...

mmmmkay...

[SpaceCatMeetsMars]

85. Was watching some hair band videos the other night and thought --

Never were people of so little talent promoted so much!

[pstokely]

86. Stryper, a fundy hair band

is that acceptable music at Liberty University?

http://www.liberty.edu/StudentAffairs/index.cfm?PID=1465

[TheMightyFavog]

87. Stryper

End of Line.

[NightTrain]

88. You mean, I can only choose one?

You're a stern taskmaster!

[Kat45]

89. This poll is pissing me off!

I object to your mixing the good bands with the dreck! And yes, there were good bands. I loved "hair bands"; I still listen to some. And I'm still pissed off at Nirvana for ending a great era in rock'n'roll. I wrote for a local rock magazine back then, and this area was my specialty. Yes, a lot of the bands sucked, but there was a lot of good shit out there. I haven't heard as many good singers since that time. (Nor have I seen as many gorgeous rockers.) Lot of good guitarists too. Good songs. And some really good times. :-)

I object to Cinderella and Great White being included in this poll. Cinderella played some good bluesy hard rock. Great White, while mainly doing covers, was a really fun bar band. As for the other bands in your poll, I'll give you those--they did suck. Some people must just think/assume that all 'hair bands' sucked, because folks are naming other excellent bands: Guns'N'Roses, Bang Tango, Whitesnake. Just the term 'hair bands' is demeaning; I hated the invention of the term, because it implied that all the bands had going for them was their hair, and that just ain't true!

[Dr Fate]

93. While I dont prefer heavy Metal, I agree with your premise...

that bands today cant sing or play very well.

"Hair" guys like Steve Perry could sing rings aroud any of these indy-rockers. At least the classicaly trained metal guys could PLAY and it was not just "attitude"...

When did it become "cool" to not be able to sing good or play well?

I like Blues, Old Country, and Jazz, rather than Metal, but I do know what you are saying...

[MaineDem]

90. Nobody's said White Lion yet?

That creepy lead singer from Denmark or someplace... Ewwww

I always did like "When the Children Cry" though.

On edit...yes, someone mentioned them. I just missed it. Duhh.

[Dr Fate]

92. You could call this poll "The Best 80's Hair band" and...

...it would be the exact same poll...

[WoodrowFan]

95. Kiss (sans makeup)

and they were still better than Kiss in the 70s!

ctually, I LIKED some of these bands, and I wans't a horny 13 yo boy, I was a horny 25 grad student!! LOL

TUUURRNNN UP, THE RADIO!!!!!!