Serious question about the way men and women view things

[skygazer]

At the risk of starting something ugly, this does really baffle me.

Okay, exhibit A -

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8293857

Now, the question -

Why is it that many, many men would find something like this just wonderful if it was a female employee coming into their tanning room but most women find stuff like this creepy and disgusting? Seriously? (not that anyone in the thread said that but it immediately came to mind)

I've seen reactions like that with sexual molestations by teachers - the 13 year old boys who get molested by their female teachers - there are always a bunch of guys whose reaction is, "Why didn't that ever happen to ME?" I don't know any female who would wish to have been molested by a male teacher in middle school.

So why is that? Really? I've never understood it. And I'm not looking for a fight - I just really want to understand the mindset. :shrug:

[redqueen]

1. Perhaps it is because

men only think about "hot" females doing this to them. Since relatively few have to cope with the reality of "NOT hot" people doing it to them... they manage to hold on to the fantasy.

If it was an "interesting looking" woman who sexually abused some kid, I bet the responses would be far different than they are for the sicko lookers who make big news with their crimes.

[ccharles000]

6. You should add "straight"

Gay men do not "think about "hot" females doing this to them"

[redqueen]

9. Do gay men say "I wish that happened to me!" about

stuff like the tanning salong story?

[ccharles000]

11. I would not say "I wish that happened to me!"

but I can not speak for any other gay man.

[skygazer]

10. Well, to be fair

The question was about straight men and women, just because those are the cases in which I've heard that sort of statement.

[redqueen]

12. I get that a lot.

I must be the one of the very few people here who doesn't explicitly include or exclude gays or bisexuals in all my gender-related posts.

I sure don't see that kind of thing addressed to others too often.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

2. Because only creepy guys do this to women all the time.....

....and hot women never do it to men.

Really....that's it.

[skygazer]

3. You know, that makes perfect sense

I guess i was trying to think too logically. :P

[LeftyMom]

4. That's what it is.

Most women have dealt with some creepy mofo at some point, and most men haven't.

[XemaSab]

7. I'll add to that:

Most men are bigger and stronger than most women, and having some creepy mofo who is twice your size groping you up is just. :scared:

[hunter]

17. I ran into a few creepy mofos when I was a teen...

... until I started looking like I'd be much too dangerous to mess with. Physical size and stregnth are part of it, as XemaSab says.

Nothing quite like visiting a urinal and the guy next to you starts staring at your dick and playing with himself.

But creepy Mark Foley types are much less common than the creepy mofos women have to deal with.

[JVS]

5. What if the teacher looked like Mimi from the Drew Carrey show?

[supernova]

8. Men boys almost never worry about

being physically vulnerable, IMO.

We, OTOH, almost always think safety first. Many variations here; all I'm saying is that the general trend is for women to think of safety first. I know I definitely don't feel sexual if I don't feel safe. Is that genetic or environmental? :shrug:

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

18. And just for a moment, let's move the word "safe" out of a criminal situation

If a hunky tanning booth attendant walked in that you had flirted with and attempted to seduce you, and suddenly you are in that situation, does the word "safe" mean "no one will ever find out about this unless I choose to tell them"? And would knowing no one would allow your mind to take the opportunity?

Again, the whole debate of how women are either raised or wired to see random sex with an attractive stranger as slutty, where as a guy who does it is a stud. Also a genetic or environmental question.

[supernova]

19. If I'm flirty with a guy

that means I already know him, at least casually. I have had a chance to observe him in his natural habitat and deemed him "safe," as in "I know he's not a rapist, respects women in general. He's patient and sweet to his mom and grandma. Then I move on to OK, am I attracted to him? A: He works hard, has a great sense of humor, kind eyes (whatever turns my crank about him).

Yes, I'm a secret stalker! :P

In short, I don't flirt with anyone I've just met, or only met briefly before.

YMMV, but those are my particular methods.

By the same token, anybody trying to approach me is better off with a low key approach at first. I'm really not a spur of the moment person.

edit: back to the tanning salon. I'd do it if I've been going there for months and have already struck up a friendship with the boy in question.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

20. As a guy, I am the same way......

As much as I talk a good game, I'd be one of those rare men who if some Angelina Jolie look-a-like strolled in the first day I met her and wanted to get busy would not know what to do.

[Danger Mouse]

13. It would make me very uncomfortable.

But that's just me.

[skygazer]

14. Yeah, I realize it's not ALL men by a long shot

But I am always amazed at how many I do hear make remarks like that. I guess it's more of a fantasy thing than anything else.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

15. I agree

If a man WAS put in that situation, it wouldn't be such a sure thing they'd act on it.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. only if the female employee was hot. if she wasnt and was much bigger/tougher

than the man, i think men would have a problem

i think it comes down to power. when you are in control (both physically and societally), you have control of the situation. this woman was likely not in control because men are generally stronger, have more societal power and this was HIS working area and not hers.

secondly, she said no and he forced it on. i think most men, who have REFUSED a woman, and yet she insisted on feeling him up would feel violated too.

[latebloomer]

21. plus she was naked

which tends to make you feel a bit powerless.

[KoKo]

22. If you Google you'll find there us "HUGE DIFFERENCE!" LOL's

Go AT IT!

[MorningGlow]

23. Men and women have different fantasies

Yeah, I'm going to generalize here. If this doesn't apply to you, don't flame me. But as far as I can tell, men fantasize about anonymous sex with mysterious, hot women...although I do wonder how many would really go through with it and not truly be freaked out...so let's say men THINK they want anonymous sex with mysterious, hot women. On the other hand, women usually fantasize about sex with men they get to know and have strong feelings about (romance before sex).

Again, this is a vast generalization.

[skygazer]

24. No flames from me

You make perfect sense to me and I suppose I should have realized that. I just hadn't gotten that far in my thinking.

[MorningGlow]

25. Addendum

I was thinking more about this after I posted and went back to what I learned in my anthropology classes--men and women are also hardwired differently regarding survival of the species. Men are wired to seek sex with as many partners as possible to procreate as much as possible (the original drive was not to get sex but to have as many progeny as possible to achieve dominance genetically), while women are wired to create stability, which includes establishing hearth and home, for the survival of those progeny (fewer sex partners, and those sex partners would be men who passed a rigorous screening to determine if they were good genetic donors). In other words, men are all about quantity, while women are all about quality. It's genetic. :evilgrin: