Ever walk by a street light and have some hideously deformed insane lumberjack cut your head off

[Rabrrrrrr]

and shove it up your ass, then mail your carcass to some dwarf in the Cayman Islands to be used for ritualistic bondage porn videos?

Nah, me neither. No one has. Stupid question. Forget I asked it.

Don't even read this.

[ghostsofgiants]

1. Man, every fucking time I walk by a streetlight it happens.

What the hell?

[Parche]

2. Fukin Insane

:woohoo: :rofl: :hi:

[Schema Thing]

3. being a moonbat liberal, I tried not to see his deformity as "hideous"

...but now I just can't see it.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

4. Yes, just last week, in fact.

The Caymans were great; but I still don't quite have the circulation back in my feet.

[PVnRT]

5. I KNEW you did it, you sick fucker

[mainegreen]

6. What baffles me is that I clicked this thread, with that title, and read it.

Even more oddly, I enjoyed reading it.

[TX Screwball]

7. Only on St. Andrews Day.

Oh my! That's coming up soon!

Need to get my assless chaps out of the cleaners.

[suninvited]

9. That will teach me to take a drink while reading DU

now my keyboard is all wet.

[matcom]

8. sort of

but they mailed it to a Catholic Priest instead. i'll never forgive them for THAT either

[Mutley]

10. Three times last week.

It's beginning to leave a mark.

[tigereye]

11. never a dull moment for you Rabrrrrrr

:thumbsup:

[Rabrrrrrr]

12. It's pretty entertaining inside my head.

I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else, though.

[petronius]

13. No, but that's because I take proactive measures to prevent such occurences:

whenever I pass a streetlight that flickers on-and-off in that creepy horror movie way, I immediately grab the nearest person, cut their head off, shove it up their ass, and then mail the carcass to some dwarf in the Cayman Islands to be used for ritualistic bondage porn videos.

Oh... Oops.

[Inchworm]

14. No, because lumberjacks go for the trunk

Then they chop off the limbs and put them in a different pile.

Your trunk would then go in a swift river among all the others where lumberjacks would spin you as they prance across the water.

Jest sayin...

:hi:

[vixengrl]

15. Not at all. I am trained to best any hideously deformed insane

lumberjack in any duel, even with the weapon of his choosing, which is invariably an axe, and an axe is not really the best duel-weapon. I myself have used a katana, being schooled in the fine arts of self-defense by the "highlander" franchise and many Steven Seagal films. I go into every battle fully expecting that my head just might, just *might*, be shipped to a dwarf in the Cayman islands for use in ritualistic bondage films.

In fact, the very image of that eventuality is emblazoned on my family crest, with a band gules across it running sinistrally, as I come from a long line of left-handed bastards. In actual fact, I have had people accost me from behind stop-signs and even street-signs, although they were kidding themselves if they thought they were even kind of sort of hidden in the shadows (carrying a sword often causes shadows and fog to form-I don't know why.) You have to be especially skinny to hide behind a stop-sign. Hard to do with a trench coat and possibly a sword or an axe--or full lumberjack kit of overalls, plaid shirt, high heels, and a bra.

Now that I've read this, I've got to wonder if you are also of our ancient lineage? You don't have to reply in person, just leave a well-aged sopressata under the Liberty Bell within the next five days, and one of my minions will report back to me. They usually do, since I pay in cans of chili and six-packs of rather good microbrew. Sometimes they eat the sopressata, but then I can smell it on them and things get unpleasant, because of the aforementioned samuri sword.

Or respond here--no big. Not like the lumberjacks are united and totally read the Lounge here at DU.

They mostly post in GD:P.

[Danger Mouse]

16. Almost. I was able to do some...favors...to get out of the whole decapitation thing.

You know, running to the store for him, getting his dry cleaning done. Favors.

[qwertyMike]

17. Yeah, I hate it when that happens

That and being told I have a terminal illness.
Every freakin' day

[jobycom]

18. No, but I've been the insane lumberjack.

Took a lot of stamps.