Big preschooler potty problem

[Ellen Forradalom]

My 4 1/2 year old son won't poop in the potty. He pees like a champ, but flat-out refuses to poop in the potty. So he poops in his pants. He seemed open to it for a little while, but then he clamped down after I got upset about some more poopy spells.

He is in day care right now and they are OK with it, but he is going to start kindergarten next year and get a rude awakening if he doesn't get with the program. My pediatrician is no damn help at all, and neither are the grandparents. My in-laws tut-tut from the comfort of their fresh-smelling home 800 miles away, and it's humiliating.

What the hell should I do?

[Ellen Forradalom]

1. Mrs Grumpy? populistmom? Other parents?

Are you out there?

[rwheeler31]

6. We are dealing with the same problem

with a 3 almost four year old grandson. He will let us know and ask for a diaper when he needs one but will not poop in the potty. Any sugestions would be welcome.

[snoochie]

2. Does he have his own potty?

Or a seat adapter thingy?

Maybe if he hasn't had his own, getting one and getting some stickers or some other special reward might be a way to get him to do it again.

I find bribes to be the most effective means of persuasion. :)

[Lars39]

3. Hmmm. May be a control thing.

Take the pressure off of him. He may be reacting to your reaction in some passive/aggressive way.Make no comment or facial expression. Just be very matter of fact when cleaning up him or the mess. Good luck.

[GCP]

5. yes it is a control thing

I had the same problem with my younger son, he'd go a week without pooping. It's a long time ago now, but I think he just grew out of it just before KG.

[oregonjen]

4. My daughter had a problem with it too

She would hold it in for days. Finally, I decided to put her on the potty at the same time every day. She went poo once and then it was okay. She was scared of it falling out of her. Anyway, everyday since then, at the same time, she goes poo. Try putting him on the potty at the same time every day and create a habit.

Can't hurt to try. ;-)

[Maddy McCall]

7. First, find a new pediatrician.

If you are seeing a pediatrician who you feel is not helpful, it is time to find a new one.

One of my friends has a daughter who is 12 and still having the problem you describe. The mom refuses to get help for her daughter, and, like you, trusts the pediatrician.

Here is some info I found on the web that seems to be helpful:

Potty-trained children often get constipated simply because they refuse to go to the bathroom. The problem might stem from embarrassment over using a public toilet or unwillingness to stop playing and go to the bathroom. But if the child continues to hold in stool, the feces will accumulate and harden in the rectum. The child might have a stomachache and not eat much, despite being hungry. And when he or she eventually does pass the stool, it can be painful, which can lead to fear of having a bowel movement.

A child who is constipated may soil his or her underpants. Soiling happens when liquid stool from farther up in the bowel seeps past the hard stool in the rectum and leaks out. Soiling is a sign of fecal incontinence. Try to remember that your child did not do this on purpose. He or she cannot control the liquid stool and may not even know it has passed.

The first step in treating the problem is passing the built-up stool. The doctor may prescribe one or more enemas or a drink that helps clean out the bowel, like magnesium citrate, mineral oil, or polyethylene glycol.

The next step is preventing future constipation. You will play a big role in this part of your child's treatment. You may need to teach your child bowel habits, which means training your child to have regular bowel movements. Experts recommend that parents of children with poor bowel habits encourage their child to sit on the toilet four times each day (after meals and at bedtime) for 5 minutes. Give rewards for bowel movements and remember that it is important not to punish your child for incontinent episodes.

more at http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/fecalincontinence/

[greatauntoftriplets]

8. The triplets' mother was desperate to potty train the two boys.

And I realize that this was for both kinds of potty training, but... maybe it will help.

Alexandra (the one girl) got trained easily. The boys were more difficult -- and a couple months past three.

This winter, she set aside a Saturday for each of the boys. Grandparents cared for those left and home and each boy in turn went out for a day with their mother. They went out for breakfast and various places. The boys were allowed to wear underpants vs. diapers for these outings. My niece at every stop asked if they needed to go. If they did, they said yes; if not, they said no.

The days were great for all of them and the upshot is that the boys now only go to bed at night with diapers on. They very occasionally have accidents, but they are rare. Maybe a special day with your son will help. Hope it does.

[cally]

9. My story and it relates to yours

My youngest, a girl, basically potty trained herself at less than two years. I thought it would be fine but she would ask for a diaper to poop. This went on two years. It got so bad that I had to leave work a few times with a phone call from daycare that my daughter was moaning with intense abdomimal pains. I carried her to the car and she asked for a diaper. She was too embarassed to ask at daycare.

One day some old family friends stopped by with their 7 year old and 1 year old. The four year old watched as the diaper was changed. The mother nochalantly said that you have to change diapers for babies. You don't need to for big girls like my daughter. My 4 year old went and gathered all her diapers and gave them to the mother who had no idea what she had just said or what had happened. My four year old never used a diaper again.

[ScreamingMeemie]

10. We had this problem with our youngest. Here is what I did.

I only put him in underwear, even though it made a mess. Whenever he would poop in his pants I would bring him in the bathroom, take off the pants and he would watch while I swished them out in the toilet and then rinsed them out. It was very hard to not make a big deal out of it. I did it as calmly as I could, always keeping him there with me. After a week of this, I think he got the message and realized he either 1. didn't want to spend all that time in the bathroom instead of playing or 2. realized the scope of the mess and how much easier it would be to just go on the pot. I kept a collection of stories in a basket by the toilet and told him if needed I would sit and read to him. It became less of a "job" and more of a nice experience for him. I can happily say he went to kindergarten sans training pants. Best of luck, I know how trying this is for you. :hug: Laura

[SmileyBoy]

11. I used to be a preschool teacher. I had dealt with kid like that.

I forget the specifics of how we got him to go in the big-boys crapper, but we were using some type of extreme positive reinforcement. We gave him a present everytime he went normally. It eventually worked.

[1monster]

12. Some of the sweetest words I ever heard were

"Mommy! Mommy! I just made a doo doo in the potty!"

My son was about 3 1/2 years old before that happened.

Try offering him some incentive to use the potty like a big boy... something he wants to do. If he uses the potty, then he earns the "big boy" privilege. If he has an accident, don't get upset or frustrated, just tell him that he's not ready for the "big boy" privilege.

[gate of the sun]

13. the poo-poo fairy

I read it on some site.....What it is a reward thing. If you child goes poop in the pot the poo-poo fairy gives a little treat. My son for about 4-5 months held in his poop sometimes for days and refused to go in the toliet. It was hell. He wouldn't go in his pants but he wouldn't go at all. My son has a pretty healthy organic natural diet. So we gave him Jelly belly beans only 2 or 3 when he would go. We'd wrap them up and put them on his table so when he came out we'd say the poo-poo fairy brought it. It didn't help immensly the first week but after that it was a breeze. Now he goes everday no problem and well it was a huge relief. I'd try it and give the kid something they can't allways have or something they really like and make sure they think it's from the poo-poo fairy. I'd come out sometimes wrap it up and say "oh look the poo-poo fairy brought it. He knows that his parents are the poo-poo fairy now. I don't know if it will work for everyone but it worked for us. Good Luck. This will pass.

[Ellen Forradalom]

14. He just went again in his pull-up while we were playing

Lately I've taken him to the bathroom and told him to clean himself up. He is cleaning himself up at school. Sometimes he's cooperative at home, but more often he yells no no no and winds up staying there until he's ready to clean up.

[Maddy McCall]

15. You really need to find a pediatrician who is sympathetic with the problem

Have any tests been run on him to make sure he is physically ok?