When I come to power, my first objective will be

[flvegan]

to target those that cannot, for reasons other than medical, negotiate an intersection with a 4-way stop. I will take their licenses, tattoo "DMV Rejected" on their heads, and burn their automobiles to the ground.

Then, on to those that cannot figure out how to use their ATM card at the supermarket.

[LeftyMom]

1. Jesus, you need to get laid.

:popcorn:

[flvegan]

3. Odd suggestion coming from Bible Spice.

:eyes:

[LeftyMom]

5. Odd objection from somebody who thought that costume was hawt.

:rofl:

[flvegan]

6. Where in my response did you see an objection, Vlad the ImPalin?

[LeftyMom]

7. "Odd"

BTW, what do you want for your birthday?

And I can't be Vlad. Vlad is the theoretical flvegan jr, assuming I've suffered a serious head injury and let you get away with such a thing.

[Lucian]

2. You have my full support.

:patriot:

[flvegan]

4. You sir, are a true American.

[Parche]

10. magistrate is that you............sir?

:rofl: :hi:

[flvegan]

14. Likening me to The Magistrate might get you banned again, buddy.

[hobbit709]

8. Next, the ones with a full cart

in the 10 items or less Cash Only line and then they start to write a check.

[flvegan]

13. Executive Order #71: All store clerks are armed.

I'd spend a decade weeding through all the grocery store violations of nature.

[AlCzervik]

9. if you can throw in some punishment for fools who buy aftermarket xenon headlights

that blind me you have my full support.

[LeftyMom]

12. Death penalty for sure.

(Don't worry, he only thinks he's in charge.)

[flvegan]

16. This is another "car burned to the ground" case.

Also in this category, any import with those Folger can size mufflers. If cars were meant to sound like 300 decibel blenders, gawd would have made them so.

[LeftyMom]

21. You'll have fun on any trip to California.

Here if you find a Honda without the blinding lights, ugly ground effects, an aftermarket spoiler that looks like redneck metal recycling art, and an exhaust tip, you've found some soccer mom's Odyssey.

[Redstone]

11. ...Followed closely by a certain group of knuckleheads:

I have a nice car, and I don't want it to get dings from oter car's doors. When I go to the store, I'll park in the next ZIP code, if necessary, to have a good cushion of at least a dozen parking spaces between me and ano other occupied spaces. I don't mind walking the extra minute or two.

But AT LEAST HALF THE TIME, I come out and some shit-for-brains is parked RIGHT NEXT TO ME!

I just do NOT fucking get this. What, do they think my car is lonely, and neds company?

Redstone

[unpossibles]

15. ok, I admit I've done this completely on purpose once or twice

although I also state I have never dinged someone's door either.

More often, I find it's funnier if someone takes up multiple spaces in front to squeeze in next to them as close as possible. When I had a Samurai, it was super easy to do, then just climb out the back door.

I have a weird sense of humor.

[Redstone]

18. Uh, no, I NEVER park across more than one space, like some assholes do. I just want to

keep my car looking nice; what the fuck is wrong with that?

Redstone

[dawgmom]

24. Nothing WRONG with it

I just think it's a little unrealistic, if you actually take it out of the garage and use it for the purpose it was intended: to get you from point A to point B.

But then, I never did get that whole car-as-a-work-of-art thing.

[Redstone]

30. You don't HAVE to "get it." Isn't there anything you own that you cherish, and you wouldn't want

someone else to damage it?

Redstoe

[AlCzervik]

33. Dinged doors make me sad, i park far away from the store in a spot so the curb is

on one side that way i know i'll only get dinged on one side. When i had my Honda those doors would crease if you looked at them too long, the VW, not so much.

[dawgmom]

35. Not something that I take out in public and expose to the elements, etc.

I have art that I hang on my walls out of reach of pets and children. I have crystal that I keep in a cabinet behind glass doors. It's reasonable to assume that they're protected there, as art or decorative objects.

But a car isn't a decorative object -- it's a car. If you're going to take it out of the garage -- there is a reasonable chance that it's going to get dinged if you actually DRIVE it. To expect otherwise would be like buying a pair of shoes and expecting that you'd never get mud on the soles.

[unpossibles]

46. oh nothing at all.

Like I said, I never hurt anyone's car, but I have parked my junker in the back just for a laugh next to a nice car.

[dawgmom]

17. I had a friend who did that on purpose

Seriously -- he would deliberately park next to people who do what you do -- park way out in the middle of the lot. He was just sort of a contrary cuss.

So, don't think it's by accident. Some people do it on purpose.

[Redstone]

22. I know from being contrary, and that's not being contrary-it's being an asshole. I'm not

bothering anyone, I'm not parking diagonally across two parking spaces; I just want my car to be left the fuck alone.

Plus, I like having the extra minute or two of peace and quiet, walking to the store from that far away.

Redstone

[dawgmom]

26. He wasn't an asshole -- he just liked tweaking people

He would never ding someone's car, as he was kind of a "car guy" himself. He didn't park so close that you'd have trouble getting into your car or anything, from my experience. I think he just thought people who did that were taking their cars way too seriously. For example, he drove a vintage Corvette (don't ask me what kind or what year), and he parked it where everybody else parked theirs.

[flvegan]

23. You're referring to my new GPS monitoring service.

For folks like you (and myself, I do the very same thing), my GPS system will monitor your car's "personal space", that being one full parking space to each side. Unless the lot fills up also tracked by the GPS, removing options from new shoppers and creating a hardship for them, the monitoring satellite ADS (Automotive Death Star) will scan the offending vehicle for life forms and upon finding none, will fire a laser that disintegrates the offending car. Originally, the technicians made it explode, but that created a shrapnel problem.

The ADS will also be used in cases of tailgating, triggering an ejection seat for the offender.

[mainegreen]

19. I'm going to impose mandatory floggings for those who break uphill.

[flvegan]

29. I'd be open to any suggestions.

[dawgmom]

31. How about the people who brake on your side of the highway when they see a cop on the OTHER side

Absolutely drives me crazy -- on a divided highway, they see a cop on the other side, and they slam on their brakes and screw up traffic on YOUR side too. I don't give two flying shits who is getting a ticket -- just keep moving!!!!

[dawgmom]

20. People who drive the speed limit in the far left lane

If I had a rocket launcher....

And ever talk to someone who does that? They actually have a smug attitude about it. "Hey, I'm driving the speed limit. There's no reason I should move to the right, just so you can break the law."

Like I said...I wish I had a rocket launcher.....

[LeftyMom]

25. Oh, the speed limit granny patrol will be along to tell you that you're a menace and personally

responsible for global warming now. :popcorn:

People like that are the reason I shouldn't own a gun that wasn't made by Nerf.

[dawgmom]

28. Oh yeah?

Well they can fuck off. :)

[flvegan]

32. My Efficient Travel Program will provide an incentive

to my new "police" forces. Armed with dashcams, they will get a bonus based on Left Lane Hogs ticketed. When you get 3 LLH tickets, we're back to your car being burned to the ground.

[dawgmom]

37. I like it

Now what can you do about those superloud car stereos that some people have, where you can hear the bass from about a half mile away?

[flvegan]

41. Ah yes, also part of the same program.

Research has shown that these drivers tend to drive more slowly, clogging the trafficways. The same police will receive incentive for writing "Boomin' System Tickets". Upon your receipt of 3 BSTs, your sound system is confiscated, an AM only radio w/8 track player is reinstalled with a "Do not remove/replace under penalty of law" badge.

[TZ]

36. HA!

I bet I know what interstate you are thinking about! So are you the car that is tailgating me in the left lane when I'm going 75?:P

[dawgmom]

39. No, really...I'm not

Honestly, I keep it to 70 or 75 -- and I absolutely HATE tailgaters, so I would definitely back off. I just hate the fact that I have to back off, when people are going exactly 65. Ugh.

(And yes, you have it right. And yes, a pox on all who exit on, or enter from, Montgomery Village Avenue.)

[Kali]

27. don't forget those assholes on the "no stop" street

who hang a quick right without signaling while you sit at the stop sign on the cross street waiting to turn left. dickheads.

[flvegan]

34. All automobiles will be outfitted

with a device that if it senses the driver has made an intentional, planned turn, a countdown timer inside the car begins warning the driver that withing 10 seconds all four tires are going to be electronically destroyed. A neat touch I added, was that AFTER the tires are blown, the timer puts up a :) and a "Have a nice day!" message.

[Kali]

38. I like it!

:thumbsup:

[Wetzelbill]

40. I think I would just probably smite a few enemies and

hire some blonde Nordic female bodybuilder to follow me around and reach stuff like say my favorite cereal on the top shelf at the store for me. And to beat up anybody who picks on me or something like that.

[flvegan]

42. It's like you read my mind.

When I come to power, my entire personal security staff will be Ms Olympia sized female bodybuilders. A nice touch I've added is that anyone that gets issued a beatdown by my staff gets an official "I got my ass kicked by a girl!" t-shirt.

[LeftyMom]

43. Ahem. That should read "by a woman" you sexist douchenozzle.

:eyes:

[Wetzelbill]

44. that is a nice touch

I might have to get that for Helga's beatdown victims.

[BeachBaby]

45. People who totally fuck up on the road....

and then give ME a dirty look, combined with the one-finger wave....

What is your plan on bringing these instances to a minimum?

I'm thinking attack dogs, but what do I know? :shrug:

[flvegan]

47. Bees in the glove compartment.

Released when the GPS senses in motion assholery.

[Mike 03]

48. THANK YOU

From your keyboard to God's or the Universe's ears.


:toast:

[machI]

49. Let me tell you about the rural Tennessee method of intersections at Midnight

As a person approaches the intersection, turn off the car's headlights. Look both ways for the headlights of other cars approaching the intersection. If no oncoming lights are noted, floor the accelerator and blast through the intersection at a high rate of speed.

Don't forget to turn the headlights back on once you pass the intersection.

This works great, until you encounter another car doing the same thing.