Ever try to woo a very shy person?

[MAlibdem]

It's hard.

[Faygo Kid]

1. Thanks for using "woo." Don't see much of that word anymore.

A greatly serviceable word, woo, that conveys its meaning instantly. And it's hard to woo anyone, and to keep them wooed (OK, I am pushing it here).

[Dookus]

2. yes it is hard

but I caught him anyway. Took me a LOOONG time, though. But worth it.

[MrScorpio]

3. Sure I did

The sex was great

[camero]

4. I am a shy person

When I first meet somebody in person. It gets better with time. Like fine wine. :)

[bubblesby2002]

10. Hey shy guy

How are things down in Florida?:hi:

[camero]

12. Hey

Chilly and damp but nice. :hi: How are things in Victoria? :)

[bubblesby2002]

19. Actually, it is the same here

chilly and damp but nice. I'm pretty happy too, my cat's better, it's the weekend, my niece will be moving into her own place on Sunday and I will be on my own again, and life is good.:7

[camero]

21. Cool

Glad your cat's better. One thing I missed about Canada was I never got to go to the island. :)

So, you're alone now, eh? ;-)

[bubblesby2002]

22. I will be this Sunday, and I'm looking forward to it.

So by missing the island, you missed some gorgeous scenery and really nice people. Like me:-) The next time you're in the vicinity stop in and have a visit. I'll show you the island.;-)

[camero]

24. I know. I did, didn't I?

I thought the women were pretty in Vancouver. I can only imagine the island. ;-) Ok, I'll bring beer too. :D :beer:

I don't know how long it'll be though. :)

Edit: That last line didn't come out right. :crazy:

[bubblesby2002]

33. LOL

I only took it to mean that it would be a long time before you made it across the continent to Vancouver Island. But hey, I will be here for a long time, so the offer still stands, but don't forget the beer. And I've got lots of scotch.;)

ps Whatever happened to Lostmessage - has she gone away?

[camero]

35. That was a two-ply joke.

:D If I get the chance I most certainly will.

Lostmessage had a friend who ran her phone bill up and she's offline.
I got an e-mail from her this week where she said she was trying to make a deal to get back on.

[bubblesby2002]

38. I'm tired and I want to go to bed

So I'm gonna say goodnight. Nice talkin to ya tonight.:D

[camero]

39. Me too. It's 3 am here.

Goodnight. Nice talkin to ya too. :D

[rockymountaindem]

5. It's like you read my mind.

(My goal is to make this post make all the ladies out there say "awww...")

You see, there's this really great girl I've been aquainted with for years. However we didn't really get to be friends until after we left for college and started talking on the phone. This is the first time I've ever been attracted to a girl because of her personality as well as her looks. Not that I'm shallow, just that in the past when I was attracted to a girl I never talked to her because I got too nervous. Therefore, I've never been turned on by a girl's personality. On the other hand, once I knew a girl well I stopped being attracted to her (I had lots of girl friends, just no girlfriends).

However, this new girl seems to think she's wicked ugly or something. I've told her that I think she's "pretty and charming" but she won't listen to me. I even asked her out on a date over the phone and she just panicked because nobody had ever asked her before. She claims to be "scared of boys".

I really like her though and every day I think of 5 new ways to tell her how great she is to use over summer break. I really hope to come up with the best one and then get her to have a summer fling with me. She's just great (I think), now I just have to get her to agree.

[aquart]

6. Summer fling?

Oh, goody. Now she gets to break her heart.

[rockymountaindem]

8. Well, since we go to college hundreds of miles away

it wouldn't work out in the long term. I think that's clear to both of us (she even brought that up when I talked to her on the phone). It would just be something for fun, but I wouldn't be interested if I didn't like her a lot to begin with. The last thing I want to do is hurt her.

[Nikia]

16. Be careful with that

Shy people are introverted. Many introverts are not antisocial, but prefer closer bonds with a few people as opposed to looser bonds with a lot of people. Such people are more likely to get hurt by casual things than more extroverted people.
I don't know her so I cannot say that is the case with her for sure. Consider it from that point of view though, especially if this would be her first relationship or if she had a relationship or two that ended that upset her. Be sure to address self esteem issues that way so she doesn't think after it is over: "The one guy who seemed to like me for who I was dumped me because I am ugly and have a bad personality. No one will ever love me and want to be with me." and be even shyer the next time someone likes her.

[rockymountaindem]

20. Certainly.

I'd say something like "I would like to have a relationship with you over the summer without getting too close in a romantic way so that we could go back to being friends afterwards". Perhaps that is naieve of me, but I hope to set it up as more of an experimental thing where we both know the way we feel about each other while realizing that a long term relationship is out of the question. That way nobody get hurt. Am I out of my mind?

[Nikia]

25. I suppose that you'll find out

If you do make your idea for the relationship clear and she agrees to that, I suppose that she has accepted responsibility for that choice. Like I said, I don't personally know her while you do. I can only speak for myself and other introverted friends when I say that such a thing would be hurtful to us. It might not be hurtful for her. If she is inexperienced with such things, though, she might not know yet if she would be hurt by it. Unfortuantely, I know from experience that friends with benefits or even being friends after I have slept with a guy and not staying in a relationship with him are impossible for me (It is a good thing that I am married now.).
It might also help you make your decision if you find out why she is afraid of boys.
It could work. I'm sure that you'll be careful to try to avoid hurting her feelings. Just keep paying attention.

[camero]

7. She's probably telling the truth.

She may be scared. Jeesh, I don't know what else to say because I've been there so many times it's not funny. Experience is the best teacher.

[ScreamingMeemie]

9. Awwwwwwww...I really hope she finally believes you.

It sounds like you would be great together. Best of luck.

Laura

[rockymountaindem]

11. Mission accomplished

I got Mrs. Grumpy to saw awwwww.

I knew I was a sympathetic figure!

[Thor_MN]

28. I may be missing something here, but "how great she is to use over summer"

doesn't strike me as a great way to woo someone...

Then again, based on my track record, what the heck do >I< know???

Maybe I'll try telling the next woman I meet how great she would be to use. It might be the old "If you can't say it, you can't do it."

[rockymountaindem]

32. I think I'm comming across badly.

The way I see it we both benefit. I get to be around a girl I really like, she gets to know that she's likeable, kind and pretty and that she can attract guys. When it's over we both end up with improved self-esteem and with some fond memories. Where's the harm in that?

[Nikia]

34. Her self esteem might not be imporved

I have already stated my opinion. If that had been my first "relationship" experience, I would have been devestated. My thought would have been "If I was more likeable, kind, and pretty, he would have wanted to stay with me." Actually, I have thought stuff like that and just am beginning to even maturely handle friendships that are purposely distanced. When they ended, I always thought that it meant that there was something wrong with me. The remedy to my self esteem of course was to demonize him. In this case, my thought would be "What a******! He was such a creep for using me like that."
Luckily, not everyone has that mindset. From what you have told us about her though, she is more likely to have that mindset than some outgoing girl who has dated several guys and is still friends with some of them.

[rockymountaindem]

36. Meh...

I give up. I'm talking about it now with one of my girl friends and she thinks it's a bad plan too. Nevermind.

[Lisa0825]

13. Yes, it is so frustrating!!!

I am usually not the type to chase after men; I prefer to be chased. But there was this guy a few years back who was sooooo adorable and seemed to be a really nice guy too. I knew some of his friends, and they knew I was flirting with him, but he didn't seem to reciprocate, so I figured he wasn't interested. But his friends kept telling me he was really shy, but they knew he liked me, and not to give up on him. We actually did go out a couple times as friends, and got along great, but we never made it past friends that flirted a whole lot. I would give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and he'd act all bashful about it, but I wouldn't make more of a move than that... I'm not that forward myself!

Funny thing is, a year later, he had moved away for A job and came back with a girlfriend... and she looked JUST like me! So, at least I can be pretty sure I was his type!LOL

[shugah]

14. a couple of times

and it was worth the effort! as deep as the still water -- quiet, thoughtful and shy. great conversation, lot's of connecting. i know the impressions made, and it's kind of what we all look for.

and wow! great s-*-x! ;-)

i love shy people! i used to be one myself!

[gyopsy]

17. USED to be one?

How do you make such a major change? I don't think you're really shy if you claim you "used" to be one.

[Lars39]

15. Pitchin' woo!

Patience, oh grasshopper. :)

[TXlib]

18. Try using a humane trap.

[LastKnight]

23. i am a shy person... and im trying to get the attention of one

we usuially just shoot glances at each other, akward silences where niether of us know what to say, were both real freakin busy outside of school... so, not like we would have much time anyway, and ill be moving away for college next fall and she still has another year of highschool, but ive heard instances where it has worked before, so now i just gotta find a way to get her attention.

-LK

[gyopsy]

26. It can work

My friend Zach was dating a girl that lived over 1000 miles away from him for a long time.

I think when you get into trouble is a situation where you modify your college plans just to be with someone. For example, if a girl were to turn down a scholarship at Harvard to go to the community college with her boyfriend--that would be a major mistake but it's been known to happen.

[LastKnight]

27. check your PM

there might be a link between your friend and a friend of mine.

edit: never mind... its nothing

-LK

[DEM FAN]

29. Well I Am 33 Never Dated. I Know That I Am Shy. It Really Does Stink.

:shrug:

[gyopsy]

37. Hmmm...

have you tried joining a dating service? That might give you a running start at meeting people.

[ironflange]

30. I sure have

That was in 1976, we're still together.

[everythingsxen]

31. I was shy..

and I was wooed...

:evilgrin:

[kevinam]

40. They may not be all that shy...

just shy in certain situations. You need to figure out what their interests are, and stick to them til he/she loosens up. He/She probably wants to talk, and be friendly and everything, but just doesn't know what to say. I think that is the biggest factor that causes people to seem shy. Good luck with it...Kevin.