Thesis writing makes brain hurt...Tell me a joke, please!

[bicentennial_baby]

I'm near the end of my Intro section, and OW! I'm afraid to re-read/edit it, I feel like I'm just repeating myself ad infinitum.

Blerg....

Tell me a joke?

:hi:

[SalmonChantedEvening]

1. How many neocons does it take to make popcorn?

20. One to hold the pan, and 19 to shake the stove.

:hi:

[bicentennial_baby]

3. I'll tell you one: How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None! The lightbulb contains within itself the seeds of its own revolution!

:rofl:

[SalmonChantedEvening]

10. Bwaha!

:rofl:

OK, what were Socrates' last words?

[bicentennial_baby]

11. I don't know...what?

[SalmonChantedEvening]

20. "I drank what?"

:hi: :hug:

[Aristus]

2. A priest, a rabbi, and an Irishman walk into a bar.

The bartender asks: "What is this? A joke?"

[bicentennial_baby]

4. Ba Dum Bum!

:spank:

[MrCoffee]

5. 3 mice are sitting at the bar, drinking.

The 1st mouse picks up the bottle of Jack, takes a swig and says, "You know those mouse traps they put out with the cheese on them? I take the cheese, eat it, bench press the bar 50 times, then break the trap over my knee."

The 2nd mouse grabs the bottle, takes a bigger swig and says, "You know those poison tablets they put out? I chop 'em up and snort 'em, I get off on it."

The 3rd mouse calmly takes the bottle, downs every drop, smashes the bottle over his head, gets up and heads for the door.

The other 2 mice ask him where he's going, and he says, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."

[bicentennial_baby]

7. Heehee....

That's a tiny bottle of Jack! :o

[BeachBaby]

6. Hey babe - here's a joke for ya.....

Game 5 of the 2008 World Series. That is all. :eyes:

:hi:

[bicentennial_baby]

8. Ooof!

:hug:

Don't give up hope. :)

:hi:

[Rabrrrrrr]

9. An economist and a marketer walk into a bar,

and the bartender shoots them both in the head, blowin' 'em clean off.

Bartender receives Nobel Peace Prize for his actions.

[bicentennial_baby]

12. !!!

:rofl:

[MrCoffee]

13. A man and woman start to fool around in the woods late at night.

After 15 minutes, the man sits up and says "Damn I wish I had a flashlight."

The woman says "Me too. You've been eating grass for the last ten minutes."

[racaulk]

14. Ooooh, that's deliciously naughty!

:rofl:

[Swede]

15. OK

The Art of Writing a PhD Thesis
In a forest a fox bumps into a little rabbit, and says, "Hi, junior, what are you up to?"
"I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes," said the rabbit.

"Come now, friend rabbit, you know that's impossible!"

"Well, follow me and I'll show you."

They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.

Along comes a wolf. "Hello, what are we doing these days?"

"I'm writing the second chapter of my thesis, on how rabbits devour wolves."

"Are you crazy? Where is your academic honesty?"

"Come with me and I'll show you." ......

As before, the rabbit comes out with a satisfied look on his face and this time he has a diploma in his paw.

The camera pans back and into the rabbit's cave and, as everybody should have guessed by now, we see an enormous mean-looking lion sitting next to the bloody and furry remains of the wolf and the fox.

The moral of this story is:

It's not the contents of your thesis that are important -- it's your PhD advisor that counts.

[bicentennial_baby]

16. BWAHAHAHA! I LOVE it!

It's my Undergrad Honors thesis but...it's on Academic Integrity! :rofl:

:bounce:

[Orrex]

17. Here's one I posted in GD:P

Hardy har har

[sarge43]

18. A Democrat and a Republican were out hunting.

The two guys were walking thru the woods and come to a clearing. In the middle of the clearing was a beautiful young woman and she didn't have on a stitch of clothing.

The Dem says, "Hey darlin', you game?"

She answers, "Sure am honey."

The Repub shoots her.

[KamaAina]

19. I just did. What do I look like, Jay Leno?

Pay me like Leno, however, and I shall tell you a joke every five minutes until the end of time...

[XemaSab]

21. OK:

John McCain and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had McCain in his chair reached for the aftershave.

McCain was quick to stop him, saying, 'No thanks, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.'

The second barber turned to Obama and said, 'How about you?'

Obama replied, 'Go ahead; Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.'

[bicentennial_baby]

22. Snap!

:spray:

:yourock:

[FloridaJudy]

23. What did the Dalai Lama

Say to the hot-dog vendor?







































"Make me one with everything".
:hide:

[sniffa]

24. 2 muffins are inside a preheated oven

One muffin turns to the other and says, "Boy, it's sure getting hot in here."

The other muffin turns to the first muffin and responds, "EEEEK! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

[Cabcere]

26. Dammit, you stole my joke!

x( :P So I guess I'll just have to go with this one:

Q: What's brown and sticky?









A: A stick!

:hi:

[sniffa]

28. Heh!

:rofl:

I enjoy bad jokes like these (or jokes 8 year olds find funny). :D

[Cabcere]

32. Me too.

:D I think my inner child is approximately 8 years old, so, y'know, it works. :P

[Forkboy]

25. You're into food, so here's a joke that will ruin it for you forever.

Two guys are stuck in the desert, starving and weak, the sun beating down. After hours and hours crawling through the sand they come across a dead coyote, skin rotting away and covered in maggots. One of the men, unable to help himself, dives in and starts eating, gorging himself on the rotted meat and maggots. After a minute he turns away and begins puking his guts out.

The other guy runs over and says, "Finally, a hot meal!"

I actually know two jokes much, much sicker than this one, but they're definitely not for public consumption. :P

[Wetzelbill]

27. Ok I got one I heard yesterday.

A little girl goes up to her mommy and asks: "Mommy, how tall are you?" The mom says, "Honey, it's not polite to ask people questions like that." So the little girl asks: "Mommy how much do you weigh?" and the mom gets irritated and again, tells her daughter not to ask questions like that. So finally, the girl after a few seconds asks: "Ok mommy, but how old are you?"

Now the mom gets even more irritated and makes her daughter go outside to play. While the daughter is outside, she runs into her friend, a little boy who lives next door. So she tells him that her mom won't answer her questions. Well the little boy tells her to go look in her mom's purse and find her driver's license and the answers will be on it.

So she does and decides to go back and tell her mommy. "Hey mommy, I know that you are 5'7 and weigh 135 pounds." Her mom, angered, says "Who told you that?" The little girl ignores her and says: " I also know that you are 35 years old." Again the mom says: "Who told you that, where did you get that from?"

Then the little girl says, "Mommy, I know why you and daddy got a divorce too." So now the mom is not only mad, but curious so she sarcastically says: "Ok, if you're so smart, then tell me, why did your dad and I get divorced?"

Then the little girl says: "Because you got an F in sex."

[sniffa]

29. I could tell the joke Brooksey told me about the little boy

who came home to happily tell his father he had his first blowjob.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

30. Q. What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

A. Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

[Gormy Cuss]

31. Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing....

"Mr. President, I'm outta here. Your poll numbers suck."

:P