Ask MrScorpio questions that your parents avoided answering

[MrScorpio]

Get the truth now or never

[NightWatcher]

1. daddy, why were you and mommy wrestling last night?

and why did it take less than one round?

[MrScorpio]

3. We weren't wrestling...

We were discussing your college fund... Good news, you're going to Arizona State!

[NightWatcher]

5. yay me!

[flvegan]

2. Why can't I have that Ferrari Berlinetta Boxer in the new Car & Driver?

I'm 12 and ready.

[MrScorpio]

6. Because Kia doesn't make any

[flvegan]

10. Hm. I'd have told my folks that Kia was no car brand in 1983.

And I'd have had that shiny Ferrari (in bright red, of course) to drive to junior high.

Man, I'd have gotten ALL the chicks.

[Ptah]

4. How does wheat grow?

:shrug:

[MrScorpio]

9. Like with every other crop...

Farm subsidies

[Ptah]

13. Incorrect, MrScorpio.

Puppies.

Puppies make the wheat grow.



And implements harvest the wheat.

Yes sir.

[elshiva]

7. Where do babies come from?

[MrScorpio]

11. Liquor!

[elshiva]

17. So if I drink a martini, I'll become pregnant, daddy?

[MrScorpio]

20. Not really...

Let's say that it's a good start

[elshiva]

21. So, the policeman delivers the baby? What about the stork?

[MrScorpio]

23. Economic downturn

[lizziegrace]

8. You know we wanted a little brother and we got another sister

WHY???

[MrScorpio]

12. He got lost in the mail

[lizziegrace]

14. ...

:rofl:

And yes, there was a pickle involved...

[Tom Kitten]

15. Mr. Scorpio, why did Dad start drinking

and push me around when my sister and I reached puberty?

[MrScorpio]

16. Because Demon Puppy told him to

[elshiva]

19. Because he was an asshole. You did not deserve that at all.

:hug: :hug: Sorry.

[MountainLaurel]

18. Why won't you divorce him? n/t

[MrScorpio]

22. I'm waiting for the private eye

[LaydeeBug]

24. what drugs have you done, you hippie mongers who went all woodstocky crunchy?

and never looked back? :hi:

[MrScorpio]

26. Man, that's rad

[AlCzervik]

25. when i was in 9th grade i had a small bag of weed you claimed "You flushed"

you smoked it didn't you.

[MrScorpio]

27. What? Who? Me?

[SeattleGirl]

28. Does the stork REALLY leave little babies under the cabbage

leaves?

[MrScorpio]

29. Only when he's coked up nt

[Chan790]

30. Why are only the most unappealing women attracted to me?

I mean I know I'm not George Clooney and I'm not looking for some supermodel...but is it too much to ask for a moderately-pretty liberal nurse/librarian/rocket-scientist who doesn't pick her nose during dinner and prattle on about her cat's digestive problems.

Just as bad, someone whose great plans for a Friday night involves watching sports and drinking beer straight from a pitcher.

Then there was the cop. Enough said...don't date female law enforcement.

or people who work in coffee shops...especially if you work there too.

That right there is the synopsis of my last four dates.

(I really did ask my mother this question...but it was a intent question...a verbal brushback pitch because she keeps trying to set me up with these very same sorts of women. Weird introverted socially-awkward masculine women.)

[MrScorpio]

33. Tell me, how did you find these women?

I bet at none of the following places:

Art classes

Banks

Credit Unions

Lingerie Stores

[Chan790]

36. Work.

I met them at work.

Starbucks: A mecca of disaffected literate liberal elitists, my ass.

[Skittles]

43. DON'T FISH FROM THE COMPANY PIER, CHAN

no INDEED

[moriah]

37. Don't forget the lobby of a Hawaiian hotel....

... you can meet beer heiresses that way, and they don't care if you're already hitched!

[JVS]

50. "watching sports and drinking beer straight from a pitcher"

:loveya:

Sounds dreamy.

[InkAddict]

31. Q: What's a transvestite?

A. Go look it up in the dictionary...

Fade to black - no discussion. Some time passes...

After sounding it out for spelling and reading a plain clinical definition, the imagination of a kid runs wild....

[MrScorpio]

34. A transvestloose after he sobers up

[Critters2]

32. Daddy, how on God's green earth could you have voted for Nixon?

And could you play something besides Johnny Mathis, just a little?

[MrScorpio]

35. To keep the demons out of our cereal

See? It works!

[moriah]

38. Why does the little blinker come on before you make a turn?

... my mother told me when I asked that question that the car was telling her where to go.

I thought that was cool as hell!

[Skittles]

39. why is everyone in the family blue-eyed and right-handed

except Randy, who is brown-eyed and left-handed?

[MrScorpio]

40. Randy's from Heaven

[Initech]

41. What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

[MrScorpio]

42. African or European?

[Initech]

46. Um...... uh....... AHHHH!!!!

[ashling]

44. If there is a mother's day, and a father's day, how come

there's not a kid's day?

[crispini]

49. When I asked my mom that, she said

"Every day is kid's day."

Extremely unsatisfactory answer. :D

[ashling]

51. That was always my Dad's answer

my mother always said that Christmas was kids day .... or maybe it was the other way around, after all that was some 40+ years ago:shrug:

[Robeson]

45. I honestly can't think of a question I had, that they didn't answer.

[FloridaJudy]

47. Did Rover really

Go away "to live on a farm" after he bit the mailman?

It must be a pretty crowded farm by now, if so.

[quakerboy]

48. Why can't we have steak or anything else with protein once and a while?

and why does your private computer out in the office have naked old people pictures with droopy wrinkly boobs in the internet history?