Random rant: So, my Mom has lung cancer...

[Lucy Goosey]

Why does everyone need to ask, "is she a smoker?" when I tell them about it? Would anyone react that way if she had another form of cancer? It just comes across as so judgemental - I mean really, it's an implication that she deserves lung cancer. But it's amazing how it really is almost everyone's first reaction.

What if she had breast cancer? Peoples' first reactions would likely be more sympathetic, no? Even though smokers are more likely to get breast cancer, too. What if it was a heart attack? Would people ask me if she was obese or lazy or had terrible eating habits? I'm betting not.

For the record, Mom, now 63, quit smoking 27 years ago. But that's not the point.

I think it's bullshit prejudices like this that prevent lung cancer from getting its fair share of research money - lung cancer is the leading cancer cause of cancer deaths in the western world, but that isn't reflected in the funding.

(Thanks for letting me rant. I'm not a real "regular" here, and I don't really know many of you very well, but it feels to get this out anonymously.)

[fizzgig]

1. i'm sorry to hear your mother is ill

:hug:

people are insensitive asshats

[skygazer]

2. I'm sorry to hear about your mom

I hope her prognosis is good. :hug:

I understand what you are saying but I don't think it is always (or even most always) a judgment. We have been taught that smoking is a leading cause of lung cancer and many people don't realize that non-smokers can get lung cancer. So when people hear that someone has lung cancer, they tend to assume they smoked.

Also, I think people are often at a loss for something to say when they hear news like that and asking if the person is a smoker is the first thing they think of because of my first point.

I'm just saying it may not be insensitivity or passing judgment. While I'm sure there are assholes out there who think smokers somehow deserve serious illness, I don't think that's most people.

Anyway, I hope things work out well for your mom. :hug:

[Mojambo]

3. Hope your mom is doing well.

Hang in there!

[Deep13]

4. Very sorry to hear that.

You know, I would probably guess she was a smoker simply because most lung cancers are caused by that. Nevertheless, I in no way blame the victim for that horrible disease. I sure didn't say, "Serves 'em right," when I learned that smoking killed Johnny Carson, Peter Jennings or my Grandma. (It was emphysema for Grandma and Carson.)

Wow, quit for nearly 30 years. Jesus, I guess you never can tell. Maybe it was radon or air pollution. My father died of a stroke at age 52 some 12 years after he quit smoking, but there were probably other causes with him.

Anyway, I really am sorry about your mother. I hope the docs caught it early enough. If not, then all we can do is be glad for the time we have. That does not make it any easier, I know. This sucks and there really is no way around that.

[dropkickpa]

5. The lady who ran the gift shop

At my work just recently died from *very* aggressive lung cancer, there was no lead time for her, 2 weeks from diagnosis to her passing. She had never been a smoker, nor anyone in her family. And people asked that about her, too.

Just recently several genetic markers have been found that have strong links to lung cancer. Hopefully now it will get more funding since, in many cases, the patient's never smoked, women are at higher risk overall, and it was found that never-smoking women are at MUCH higher risk than never-smoking men for lung cancer. With all of this, funding for lung cancer research should be able to increase, especially since people are starting to come out of that "Yer a smoker" stigmatisation and really look at it more closely.

I hope your mom is doing well!

[undeterred]

6. I am so sorry about your mom

I worked in a cancer resource center for awhile and I know there is a stigma attached to lung cancer and some other cancers (throat, mouth, esophageal), which is also strange because people also get it who have never smoked. I guess there is still a strong need to blame people for their illnesses.

Nobody wants or deserves this terrible disease.

Sometimes people just don't know what to say, so dumb things pop right out. :hug:

[lildreamer316]

7. My mother had breast AND lung cancer and never,ever smoked.

She didn't have them at the same time,however. But yes, we got that question too. Really pissed her off.

[Eurobabe]

8. I'm really sorry to hear about your mom

Don't let the insensitive bastages get you down. Here's a hug, one for you, and one for your mom. :hug: :hug:

[sakabatou]

9. Huggles

[Lucy Goosey]

10. THANKS, EVERYONE! For the hugs and well-wishes, etc.

I should have mentioned in my OP that Mom is doing quite well, all things considered. She's finished her course of radiation and chemo, and the doctors can't find any cancer, but they aren't willing to say that she's cancer free, because there is much radiation damage obscuring the scans. So "Mom may or may not have cancer" is kind of our new normal.

I just was explaining Mom's situation to a new co-worker before I originally posted, and I got the "does she smoke" which triggered my rant.

[bigwillq]

11. Wishing Mom the best.

:hug:

[Lady President]

12. Been there and you have my sympathy

I've been there too many times to count. My father died of lung cancer 3 yrs. ago, and the first thing anyone asks is whether he smoked. It's almost as if people are determining if he deserved to die and if I deserve to miss him.

I also agree that no one ever does a follow-up question about other life-style choices.

Best wishes to you and your mom. :hug:

[driver8]

13. I lost my father and my uncle to lung cancer this year.

My father passed away in February and my uncle passed away about three weeks ago. I am so sorry that you are going through this with your Mom.

I agree with you -- the fact that this disease is identified with smokers prevents it from getting the research money needed.

Oh, my father quit smoking about 35 years ago...

[mizzuzmojorizin]

14. Sorry to hear your news...I don't think that people are judging her, though, by asking that

It could be that they smoke and want to see if it's really true that cigs can cause cancer. It could be a nervous reaction. Cancer freaks people out and if they think that a bad habit caused someone's illness, then they can comfort themselves by thinking that it won't happen to them (even though, as you pointed out, it's not just about getting lung cancer).

I have had two people close to me develop lung cancer within the last 4 years. I am sorry that you and she are experiencing this and wish both of you well.