I want my name back!

[malta blue]

I can't get my name back until we a divorce is finalized :nuke::nuke:

I called the DMV and said I had changed it when I got married, but decided I wanted my maiden name back. They told me I had to bring bank statements, etc with the maiden name on them. I told them the bank won't do that until I change my license. So the lady tells me "well you decided to change it in the first place" :banghead: And I said "so, I want it back - why is that so difficult?" She said I would need documentation from HIM to let me change my name back, and a new marriage license stating that I am going to retain my maiden name (that one is hard seeing as how we got married in Vegas)

So I have to wait :cry:

What a sexist world we live in :mad::mad:

[Sebastian Doyle]

1. The silver lining in all of this.....

At least the Repukes won't be able to use your "name change" against you to attempt to nullify your vote in November.

[malta blue]

2. perhaps - although it hopefully would not matter in NY

AND I would surely wait until after the election.

I think it sucks that I basically have to have his permission

[MrsBrady]

3. i don't know what your state laws are like

but it seems to me that anyone can get a name change, male or female, regardless of marital status.

i would check around, and not with the DMV....

oh, ask your lawyer?

[malta blue]

9. I called the DMV and they said I need several

documents to prove the name, thing is, in order to obtain those documents, I need a license with the correct name - vicious cycle.

[XemaSab]

18. Seems like if you got a license before you got married

they would have it on file. :shrug:

[malta blue]

20. yeah, that is what I figured but the DMV lady

was really fierce. Giving me a speech about how the state can't have people changing their names all willy nilly. :shrug:

[raccoon]

22. She sure sounds like a witch with a capital B. nt

[intheflow]

28. This is bullshit.

I'd call back and talk to someone sane. If there is no one sane answering the phones, speak to a supervisor. I'm sure you do not "need your ex's permission" to change your name, you are not a dependent or a minor. Here is the list of NYS proof of identity requirements. I imagine if you bring your current license with your married name and your birth certificate with your maiden name, along with any other of the listed forms of ID, a supervisor will allow you to change your license. A notarized letter from your lawyer stating that divorce proceedings are in process would be helpful, too.

I had a similar experience. Got married when I was 17, and divorced when I was 24, and got my license that same year. Because I hadn't had a photo ID before, and all my government/payroll info had my married name, I convinced the supervisor to accept my birth certificate, social security card, and a my high school yearbook photo! I think you could get similar positive results if you're not dealing with such an overt asshole. Good luck!

[hippywife]

4. I'd talk to someone else about that.

I sincerely doubt you will need his permission. I bet when you get the final divorce decree, they will not require his permission. It just doesn't make any sense that you would.

[malta blue]

10. Since the final divorce decree is issued by a judge, I

don't need his permission, but at this point I do.

What a crazy world.....

[supernova]

5. it can be an addendum on your final divorce papers

That's what I had to do.

And everywhere I went where I wanted to use my maiden name again, I just showed them that part of the decree. Yes, it's a pain to wait. But it's all legal that way.

The real pain was waiting the requisite ONE YEAR to file. x(

[malta blue]

12. yeah - I am going to have to wait ONE FULL YEAR

from when we file a separation agreement and he hasn't even started on that part yet.

:banghead:

[EFerrari]

6. Call the Social Security Office. Maybe they have another plan.

:hug:

[malta blue]

11. I never changed my social - it is still in my maiden name

:hug:

[EFerrari]

13. That should be enough for the DMV.

I couldn't go to my MARRIED name at the DMV without my SS card. :shrug:

[flvegan]

7. Yeah. Changing your name back is still a court matter.

Make SURE to petition the court as part of your divorce to make the reinstatement of your maiden name as part of the Dissolution Judgment.

[malta blue]

14. Most definitely.

You would think that I could do it without the divorce papers, as a matter of a name change, not a marital issue, but alas, they get ya where they can.

:hi:

[EFerrari]

15. Just remembered something else: a friend had to get two witnesses

to attest that his name was the name he went by when he went to get a passport because he was never formally adopted. Maybe DMV can do something like that, too.

[malta blue]

17. hmmm

The lady at DMV was a broomrider - I think I will let this sit for a few days and revisit after I consult with an attorney.

Thanks

:hug:

[eyesroll]

8. I'm pretty sure you can change your name without the divorce or your husband's permission, BUT

you'd still need a court order. (In other words, the DMV won't just change it on your word.)

I can't imagine you'd need a new *marriage license* (though I am not familiar with the name change laws in New York).
It's probably easier to just get the court order with the divorce (and it's part of the divorce, so you won't have extra costs other than getting new IDs, etc.), but you could do it independently.


Here's a link I found:
http://www.lawny.org/index.php/family-self-help-140/name-change-self-help-58

Here are the forms:
http://www.courts.state.ny.us/forms/namechange.shtml

Good luck.

[malta blue]

16. Thanks for the forms.

It looks like more costs involved than if I wait :cry:

[Dogtown]

19. Wait

I know it's unfair, but what's really eating at you is anger at him. The divorce will be final eventually, & you can stipulate in the decree that you are returning to your maiden name.

Breathe deep and try to relax. Else your rage is going to damage your health, and will also cause you to make tactical blunders.

Your soon-to-be will see your attempts to change your name as spiteful and silly. Don't feed his sense of superiority.

[malta blue]

24. thanks for your advice.

I had really put off changing it in the first place because I didn't want to lose out on my "identity" and now I have to wait to get it back.

[raccoon]

21. God, that is incredibly sexist!

"She said I would need documentation from HIM to let me change my name back, "

[PassingFair]

23. Changing your name when you get married is sexist in and of itself.

Silly and unnecessary.

[malta blue]

25. that was my point in the first place and he REALLY pushed

me to do it, and now look what that got me :shrug:

[PassingFair]

26. I asked my husband if it bothered him that we had different last names...

when he said that it "kinda did", I told
him I'd go with him the next day to city
hall while he changed his name.

He never brought it up again.

[malta blue]

27. lol

:rofl:

Brilliant move.

[MrsBrady]

29. all i'm saying is...

either male or female, to change your name...yea, you probably need to go to court...

but you don't have to wait for a divorce to change your name...just whatever paperwork is needed for a court.

If it means that much to you, I would look into it...with a lawyer. My understanding is that it's not that hard to do.

although, waiting until after the election now might be a good idea. only a month now.