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Edited on Mon Sep-29-08 09:30 AM by PeterU
I would like to congratulate New York Yankees pitcher Michael Cole Mussina on the occassion of his first 20 win season ever, thanks to his victory over an extremely bored Boston Red Sox squad who was clearly preparing for the postseason.
At a ripe old 39 years of age, you--Mike Mussina--hold the distinction of being the oldest pitcher to have his first 20 win season. And it only took him a good 17 years in baseball to do it. That's terrific, Moose. Really. You're like a hard-luck golfer who sinks a great putt after getting 15 mulligans, and I for one think that's wonderful.
Just think--while pitchers like Clemens, Palmer, Seaver, Glavine and Maddux were all winning 20 games in a season in the heyday of their careers, you--Mike Mussina--prove that an entire career of being merely above average will eventually result in you tasting the morsels of success that other pitchers have feasted on throughout their long and distinguished careers.
This 20 win milestone really means a lot to your legacy, Moose. It means instead of being dusted off three decades down the road and having your toothless self trotted out by the Hall of Fame Veterans Committee when no one remembers who the hell you are, you may actually stand a chance of being elected by the Baseball Writers Association of America on a regular ballot. Not the first ballot, mind you, but you'll linger around like an unpleasant head cold for about 3 or 4 years until the ballot is devoid of any other worthy candidates and the Cooperstown Chamber of Commerce starts to verbally threaten the writers lest there be no one to induct on some lazy Sunday August afternoon.
And there will be no doubt that on that day you--Mike Mussina--will proudly wear the cap of the one beloved team that you have served so well, that being the New York Yankees. I'm sure Yankees fans anger of the lack of a World Series title this year--or even a playoff appearance--will be tempered by the fact that you--Mike Mussina--have finally won your 20th game and can point to some matter of great distinction in your semi-distinguished career. For it was the fact that you--Mike Mussina--choose the Yankees as the team of all teams that would bring you World Series glory, as opposed to those hapless, pathetic Baltimore Orioles franchise that molded your career and the sorry fans who actually bothered to cheer you on.
Funny thing though, Moose--while it is true that even after you discarded those hideous black and orange outfits back after the end of the 2000 season the Orioles have remained rather hapless and pathetic, World Series glory for the Yankees has been....how should I say it.....rather fleeting? True, you once stood three outs away from a ring in 2001 before the Diamondbacks dashed your dreams, and in 2003 you thought the title was all yours until an upstart Marlins team proved you otherwise, but the team of Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio and Mantle has not won its 27th World Championship since you buttoned up that pinstriped uniform and donned the interlocking NY on your head. In a way, fans of 29 Major League Baseball teams everywhere owe you something of a debt of gratitude. As a result of your desire for a large salary on the richest team in baseball and the dreams of an easily won ring, you--Mike Mussina--have done the impossible. You have cursed the New York Yankees. You have humbled the most unhumble of all loud mouth Yankee fans into a position where they are just another team among teams. And this year, golf course owners around the country will rejoice as at least 25 young men (including you--Mike Mussina) will be spending their October golfing as opposed to being on a field of baseball.
So on this occassion, I salute you--Mike Mussina--on your...
No, wait a minute.
Sorry, 20 wins or not, you're still the same greedy, selfish, self-centered a-hole you've always been, and you can still suck it for all I care.
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