So if a relationship is going to fast how do you

[lost-in-nj]

slow it down??


I really want to pursue this...

but

I think he is further along than me...

should I just say that????

or not?

god i have not been here in so long

I have NO idea what to do....


:hi: :hug:

THANKS


lost

[crim son]

1. It's not a terrible position to be in, is it?

If I were you I'd tell him that because of your situation you need him to understand that you must take things very, very slowly. If you like him, tell him. Blame it on you, but also point out the good sense in not rushing. Hell: courtship is so much fun! I say, drag it out!

And, I'm happy for you, lost. :hug:

[lost-in-nj]

3. I have told him I like him

but tonight I said I don't want to talk

call tomorrow

he was at my door
I told him I wanted to be alone and he said
he thought I needed a hug... did not turn it down
bit it was not what I was looking for......

courtship..

fuck...

I have not been here in over 30 years :rofl:

:hug:

thanks crimmie

lost

[crim son]

5. I know what you're talking about, though for me it was only sixteen years.

The right man will hang in there, putting up with your fears and foibles. Trust is really hard and he's going to have to understand and respect that. Plus, you're mending. You need your space AND you need your hugs.

[Mutley]

2. Just tell him.

It'll be better in the long run. But make sure he knows it's not anything he's doing wrong.

[lost-in-nj]

4. and its not

he is not doing anything wrong
and I have told him this
we both have a LONG way to go
he just skips a little

damn I wish I could let go all the way

it is all me

I know this


thanks


:hi:

lost

[Mutley]

6. It's not anything you're doing wrong either.

Don't go any faster than what you are comfortable with. If you do, the relaionship will suffer later on.

[Generic Brad]

7. I feel honesty is the best policy

And if that is not understood or accepted, then it's OK to lie your ass off.

[lost-in-nj]

17. both of us have been extremely

honest with each other

so I think I will just ask him to slow down...

Thanks

:hi:

lost

[Boojatta]

8. When the economy is over-heating, they usually raise interest rates.

What would be analogous to that?

[lost-in-nj]

18. I have no idea

:rofl:

but I will keep thinking!!!


:hi:


lost

[HEyHEY]

9. "Slow down, I ain't built for speed" - say that

[lost-in-nj]

20. I just might

slow and steady is the way to go.....

:)

:hi:


lost

[1]

10. say you're going to call... then don't call. that slams the breaks on any relationship...

"why didn't they call?"

[lost-in-nj]

21. I don't want to end the relationship,

its just beginning


but I will remember this if I decide to end it!!!

:hi:


lost

[Lil Missy]

11. Just be honest. If a potential partner cannot respect your time table, it's not worth persuing.

Give yourself some time. Good Grief!

:hi:

[shanine]

15. I agree

I just got out of a situation like this. I was honest with him but it didn't matter cuz he didn't listen.
When he started showing up at my door or just "happened" to pull up behind me when I got off work, etc. it gave me
the creeps. I told him I would have been happy to do things and go places with him but we were not going to have
an instant relationship. He still calls apologizing and still does not get it. I am done.

[lost-in-nj]

22. I agree, honesty is the answer here

so guess who's having a discussion this weekend.....


:hi:

thanks

lost

[Iggo]

12. Just get off.

;)

[lost-in-nj]

23. don't want to get off

completly.....

just walk for a while

:hi:


lost

[Iggo]

33. I meant that as a euphemism.

Therefore the wink.

;)

[struggle4progress]

13. How thoroughly do you want to chill it?

For a freezing cold slowdown, for example, you could go on and on about how you were on verge of bankruptcy, then ask hopefully whether he minded if you took out a life insurance policy on him

Various more traditional gambits work similarly, without being quite so extreme: they consist of suggesting to him that you are not quite perfect, forcing him to deal with that fact

Of course, I do not at all mean to imply in any way that you are less than perfect: I am simply pointing out that if he were forced to balance pros and cons in his mind, it might slow things down temporarily

[lost-in-nj]

24. Thanks for the ideas!!!!

:hi:

but I don't want to freeze it to death......


lost

[BlueIris]

14. "Uh, so this is going too fast for me. (List ways). Slow down?"

Either that or just ditch him. Someone who wants to go faster that I do probably isn't a good match for me, anyway.

[lost-in-nj]

26. I think thats what I will tell him

and see if he can live with that for now..

otherwise it could be bad in the long run

:hi:

lost

[NJmaverick]

16. Open and honest would seem to be two good cornerstones

to build a relationship on.

[lost-in-nj]

27. I agree

and thats what I am going to do

:hi:


lost

[BarenakedLady]

19. How exciting.

No advice, but I hope it works out well for you.

:hug:

[lost-in-nj]

28. Thank you

I hope so to
and it is exciting

out of nowhere...
thats where some of the best things come from

:hi:

lost

[La Lioness Priyanka]

25. what specifically do you mean by that?

[lost-in-nj]

29. I mean

last night we weren't supposed to see each other
a night off to relax and not worry about anything,
but he knew I had something on my mind and came over anyway to find out if I was alright.
I don't mind him caring but I did mind him coming over with out notice,
I told him that last night and hopefully he got the message.

I have been alone for so long that it is harder than I thought letting someone
into my life.
So I feel he is in a different place than I am
and I am going to talk to him about it this weekend.
Maybe we both need to let the other know where we are and where we want to go
I really don't see a problem but who knows....


:hi:

lost

[La Lioness Priyanka]

32. so you want him to respect your privacy and alone time?

in which case thats the way i would put it

i have found that saying vague things like "going too fast" doesnt really help a relationship grow. be specific about what you want and what you are not getting. otherwise the other person gets confused and you dont end up getting what you want.

[dembotoz]

30. the trick is to slow it down without shutting off the motor

i know the right guy would wait----blah blah blah.
but the right guy or maybe right guy or sorta right guy or whatever the definition must feel that there is a "light at the end of the tunnel?"

being patient is a virtue, but to continue when you have no hope is pointless.

[lost-in-nj]

31. I agree

take a slow Sunday drive
instead of laps around the track.....

:hi:

lost