My dad died last night.

[skip fox]

Jesus!

It has been over 14 weeks of hell. I've made the trip 5 times from Lafayette, LA, to Boone, NC, since Dec. 6. My two sisters have put professional jobs at risk. They have spend weeks and weeks constantly with him. (I've been running back and forth. Spent 7 weeks since Dec. 6 here) We sat up with him in shifts when he was home, crying out much of each night. We've wiped him, strained backs lifting him, fed and cleaned, cut toenails &c. When he's been in the hospital (4-5 times since Thanksgiving) someone (often 2 or 3 of us) have been there by his side 14 hours a day. We'd provide a lot of his care even then and the staff has been quietly appreciative. But it's been terrible.

My RN sister and I were here in NC with my mother when we got the call at 2:10 a.m. that he had died in the hospital. There was still warmth in his body when we got there. Incredibly sad, but we were relieved as well since Altzheimer's and congestive heart failure had reduced his life to misery.

Sad and relieved.

The only false note for me was the chaplin on call who prayed with us. He tried to do his best, but he spoke of our faith, and my faith is not the type he was thinking of. Mine is in the ability of man to create and try to understand as well as in the lovely complexities of the universe, not necessarily in an afterlife or in a specific divine being. But my mother was comforted by his presence and prayer, so who am I to say?

We felt my father's body cool.

Jesus.

[arwalden]

1. My Sincere Condolences...

... to you and your family.

-- Allen

[terrya]

2. As someone who lost his father to cancer 6 months ago...

You have my most sincere condolences on the death of your father, skip fox.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Terry

[TNDemo]

3. Sincere condolences from one who has been there.

My mother died of Alzheimer's in June just after her 70th birthday. Years of torture and then three months of constant vigil and the end was tough. It will get easier in the months to come. The raw painful feelings and the questioning if you did everything right and wondering what they knew gradually fade and you begin to remember who they really were years ago more than what you saw in the last years. You are not alone on DU. There are a number of us who have experienced this recently. My sincere heartfelt condolences.

[skip fox]

6. Thankfully, it was only 3-4 months of real suffering

His Alzheimer's had not progressed to the point when he forgot who we were. The congestive heart failure was miserable and we feared he would died by smothering (drowing in his own fluids) before us, but he died in his sleep.

So the end was not long for a man in his 80s and kept him from living a miserable life lost to himself.

We're pretty much at peace even now, within hours (2:10 EST was the death). We already feel the dire sad and miserable presence of him fading into our memories of a strong and capable man who always brought out the best in everyone around him. Even me.

[caledesi]

4. I am so sorry for you Skip. I am glad the chaplain was there.

Thoughts and prayers for you.

[coltman]

5. lost my father 20 yrs. ago

My heart goes out to you I feel tour pain.

[SoCalDem]

7. Best wishes to you, your family and your Mom

It's so hard to watch someone you love "slip away", but in some cases, it can be a blessing in disguise.. No one wants to go that way, and you and yours did everything you could to make it easier..

:hug:

[ET Awful]

8. So sorry to hear it. :(

My condolences to you and the entire family.

[cryfordawn]

9. So sorry to hear about your loss.

But I can feel what you went through. My mom was put in hospice with a week to live and she lived 9. It is a very hard situation.

[skip fox]

16. Hospice was great!

Before he went back into the hospital on Mon., he'd been in hospice. I cannot say enough good about these people. Even when we had to pull him out, to put him back in hospital, they would call, send someone to cut his hair, arrange for removel of hospital bed, &c., &c.

Incredible that people volunteer to do such work. Lovely, lovely people.

(O yeah, althoug my father called himself an independent and probably voted for a lot of Republican candidates, my dad hated Bush and had become pretty progressive the last 5-8 years due to a lovely friend who was a retire police chief, believe it or not.)

[cryfordawn]

23. Yes they were awesome.

We had become friends with alot of people there. They were very good and very attentive. My mom was ignored in the hospital part which is why they moved her to Hospice. She had Breast cancer that she let go for over a year. By that time it had spread to most of her body. they were very good and very comforting.

[farmbo]

10. We lost ours four years ago and not a day goes by when I don't miss him.

You have my deepest sympathies.

But I think of it this way: He was a strong and unapologetic New Deal Democrat, who taught me the difference between Democrats and Republicans. He would like it that I've stayed active in Democratic causes by posting on DU and working for local and national candidates. When I'm tuned in and working for good Democratic candidates, he's here with me.

Do they have DU in Heaven?

[mohinoaklawnillinois]

22. Farmbo, your post made me cry.

My father's been gone for 13 years but your father and my father seem to have been cut from the same bolt of cloth. And yes, I'm pretty sure there's DU in Heaven.

[coltman]

11. please excuse the typo

that was a tear in my eye.

[Norbert]

12. Sincere condolences to you and your family.

My family has been there. Watched my father slip away right before my eyes 12 years ago.

Stay close to your family and you will get through it. It sounds like you and your family were there for him when he needed you even when things weren't pleasant and that is a testament to how much he was loved.

Thoughts to all.

[greatauntoftriplets]

13. I am so sorry about your father.

My best wishes to you and your family, skip fox.

[madrchsod]

14. somehow he knew that you guys

loved him and did all you could to help him in his last hours. sorry for your loss...

[prolesunited]

15. My sincere condolences

Your words bring back a rush of memories as the feelings that sound all too familiar. I think the death of a parent is one of the most difficult things we must go through in life. I know it was for me.

May you find comfort in the happy memories that you two shared and strength in all that he has taught you. :hug:

[matcom]

17. aw shit. sorry bud

i can't imagine going through that.

so sorry

[GOPisEvil]

18. My condolences to you and your family.

I understand both your sadness and your relief.

[GreenPartyVoter]

19. I'm so sorry, Skip.

[Mikimouse]

20. Condolences skipfox...

I rememeber the post around Christmas or a little after about your experiences. Sorry that your Dad suffered as he did. Condolences from all of us here.

[mohinoaklawnillinois]

21. You and the rest of your family are in my prayers.

I lost my Dad 13 years ago and I still miss him every day. He was my hero and the best person I ever knew. :grouphug: for you and your family.

[NoPasaran]

24. So sorry for you skip fox

My condolences to your family

[MuseRider]

25. I am so sorry.

Take care of yourself. I will think often about you today.

[commander bunnypants]

26. Take care my friend

:hug:

DDQM

[Lars39]

27. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Sadness and grief, intermingled with relief. I know the feeling well.
:hug:

[FunBobbyMucha]

28. When my mother died

I remember thinking that sometimes you pray for salvation, other times you pray for release. Now my father has Alzheimer's and things are starting to spiral here as well. Take heart in the fact that in time, the pain of the last years will fade and you will remember the good times clearest. God speed, and love from the DU.

[skip fox]

33. Yes, Ted Berrigan has a beautiful four lines

about one's feelings when someone goes from your outside life to your inside life, how the heart adjusts, and all goes on sanely thereafter. I wish I had that book at hand, because the four lines (from "Things to do in Providence") are intelligent, understanding, and useful. (Does anyone have the _Selected Poems_ or _So Going Round Cities_?)

The only advice I can give for you in a similar situation with your father is that you can't do anything wrong by trying to do right. Don't beat up on yourself for missed chances or wrong choices. And, as your already know with your mother, one is capable of holding numerous emotions, some contradictory, simultaneously. We loved Dad dearly, but have been hoping for his death as well. That sounds hard, especially when I say PART of that hope came from a desire to enter again into our own lives. But most of that hope was for him. No need to mindf**k ourselves.

[silverlib]

29. Peace and love to you (eom)

[Richardo]

30. Wishing you and your family peace and strength...

Condolences, skip fox...

[underpants]

31. I'm sorry for your loss.

I don't know what to say that is why I usually don't respond to threads such as this but I wanted to just say, I'm sorry for your loss.

[latebloomer]

32. I'm so sorry, skip

But I'm glad he is released from his suffering. I see it's already happening- eventually the good strong memories of the person he really was will far outweigh the torture you all had to go through.

Be prepared, though-- the grief comes in waves, and often hits you when you least expect it.

Love and peace to all of you-

lb

[blondeatlast]

34. I'm so sorry, SF. Because your dad is no longer suffering doesn't

mitigate the loss you feel, I know.

I spent the last few moments of my father's life with him and I know he was eased by our presence. I'm certain yours was too.

:hug:

[indigo32]

35. I am sorry

My thoughts go out to you and your family

[Ilsa]

36. I'm so sorry for your loss.

It sounds like your family has been through so much, and I'm glad that you have been through it together. I lost my mom three years ago, and the pain gets easier, but it is still a long journey. I wish you and your family peace.

[MaineDem]

37. I'm sorry for your loss

I miss my Dad every day. I understand what you're going through right now.

My sympathy to you and your family.

[RainDog]

38. condolences

My sibs and I nursed my step-mom through cancer, so the exhaustive ordeal for patient and family sounds very familiar.

Hope you all have lots of wonderful memories to live on with.

[Liberal Christian]

39. My sympathy for your loss

May your father rest in peace.
May light eternal shine upon him and grant him rest.

[Lab Owner]

40. It's never easy to lose a parent

In time the hurt heals, and you will never regret the time you spent caring for your dad. It was the last, best thing you could do for him.

My dad died nearly six years ago. Got the call that he was dying on the eve of one of the worst snowstorms I've seen in W. Michigan. Flights were cancelled for days. By pure luck I happened to speak to a charter pilot just as predictions for a let-up in the bad weather were in. I was able to fly out the next morning, and my sons and I got to spend one whole day with Dad before he died. That day is precious to me. The nurses told me that he was just waiting for me.

Deepest condolences to you and your family.

[ncrainbowgrrl]

41. condolences and a "take care of yourself"

Again, like everyone else on the board, I wish you my deepest condolences. It's hard losing a loved one. Take care of you- really pay attention to what you need at this time in addition to what others need from you- IMHO, this makes it easier to get through anything...

[Burma Jones]

42. My Condolences and Great Respect to you

because you and your sisters were there and that he passed on with love.

[ProfessorGAC]

43. My Condolences, Skip

I can empathize. I saw my dad just fall apart, too! It's tough, but memories of him will get you through the absence of his real self.

I still have one of the plants from my dad' funeral in my office. (More than 3 years old now). So, i have something to remind me of him every working day.

Take care and same to your family.
The Professor

[Kahuna]

44. My sincere condolences to you and your family.

I have known your sadness. I pray for your strength and healing.

[Bonhomme Richard]

45. You are in my prayers.

[Rowdyboy]

46. I'm glad his suffering is at an end....

Hope you find peace quickly.

[grannylib]

47. I am so sorry...just went through much the same with my dad when he

died of bone cancer last month...
Blessings to you and your family for honoring him by doing what you could to ease his transition out of this life...I know just how hard that is, and the upheaval it can cause.
I am so sorry. Will be thinking of you. Very sorry to hear that the chaplain was not totally sensitive to all members of the family, but glad you can appreciate the comfort he gave your mom.

[Coventina]

48. My deepest sypathy and empathy

My mother died last June.

I experienced many of the things you described.

I wish you comfort and healing. It is a long process.
:hug:

[Insider]

49. may his soul rest in peace

and may you and your family find the comfort you need at this time.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

50. I'm very sorry for your loss...

I lost my dad when I was 16 back in 96, so I know how you feel. :hug: My condolensces to your family.
Duckie

[LizW]

51. I'm sorry for your loss, skip

Losing a parent is a life-changing event. My dad died of cancer 14 years ago and those last hours are still crystal clear in my memory.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[soleft]

52. Sorry for your loss Skip Fox

I wish you great comfort

[kmla]

53. Sincerest condolences to you, skip fox.

Hopes and prayers that you and your family will find comfort and peace in dealing with your loss.

[sonias]

54. I am sorry sorry for you loss

May your father rest in peace. My father's death was very painful for me too. Take time to heal, grieve with your family. Keep him close in your heart. He is in a better place where he has no pain.

Sonia

[BurtWorm]

55. Skip, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss.

You've been missed here.

[flamingyouth]

56. I'm very sorry, Skip

My condolences to you and your family. :hug:

[bif]

57. Sorry to hear it, Skip

Peace.

[The Democratic Kid]

58. We Are All Brothers and Sisters Living Together On A Dying Planet

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I became an activist for health care reform decause of my mother and fathers death. We all live in the land of the dying and they are now in the land of the living. There surrering is over and they are with their families in such joy we here on earth cannot even imagine. Where they go we soon will follow. I have no dout that they are thinking about us, watching over us and praying for us. Take Care. The Democratic Kid...

[Jack_Dawson]

59. I'm very sorry to hear that

I believe your father is in a better place now.

[AverageJoe]

60. Sincere condolences

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

[bobthedrummer]

61. I'm sorry to hear this, you and yours have my sympathy

Bob

[bearfan454]

62. God bless you and your family.

Sorry about your loss.

[SpaceCatMeetsMars]

63. So sorry, skip fox

:(

[nini]

64. I am so sorry for your loss

I know what you are feeling and how hard it is to keep up the pace you have the last few months. You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers to heal quickly and get to the point where all your memories of you father will be happy ones.

:hug:

[Whitacre D_WI]

65. You're in my thoughts Skip.

[skip fox]

66. Thank you all.

It really helped to write about it and to have your sympathies. We lose one, we cling to each other. Thank you.

[noiretextatique]

67. my condolences, skip

to you and your family. sad and relieved...i know exactly how that feels. take good care.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

68. I'm sorry for your loss...

and I hope you find peace. :hug:

[NC_Nurse]

69. I'm so sorry about your dad

What a wonderful family you are to be there for him when he needed you. Peace to you and yours.:grouphug:

[rasputin1952]

70. My sincerest condolences on your loss...

Your father was fortunate to have you there through this trying situation. I know it can be rough going, and now his suffering is over. He was surrounded by family and loved ones, not much else matters at that point.

May you find closure soon. Remember the best of times, it is comforting. If your mom was comforted by the preachers words, it is her privilege, and anything that is comforting to you, or anyone else in your family, is a blessing.

O8)

[blm]

71. Your experience sounds much like mine in 1995.

Peace to you, skip fox.

(((((( ))))))

[VOX]

72. Thanks, Skip, for taking care of your dad. He is at peace now...

I know how difficult this walk can be -- my mom died last year after nine years of declining health. It's so hard to see your parent laid out and helpless and in pain, as much a part of life as this is.

And even when their suffering is blessedly over, it's difficult to suddenly be without a parent (at any age). There's the feeling of being an "orphan," and of having no connection to things.

Skip, you must know that there will now be an inevitable patch of depression to go through -- the extremely high level of concern that you've been operating under for the past 14 weeks just doesn't switch off immediately. Please take good care of yourself, and just let time pass as you grieve.

Wishing you peace --

[darkstar]

73. Heartfelt condolonces, Skip

I'm truly sorry to hear what you've been through. I can only imagine how exhausing it must have been on every possible human level. The care you and your family provided your father is moving and inspiring. I'm certain that he was proud to have raised a son such as you. Tammy and I wish you and your family comfort and release from all the anguish every difficult choice made along the way may have caused. Blessings.

[peterh]

74. My condolences

[northofdenali]

75. Skip, please take a little time for yourself. Peace, good friend.

I am so very sorry, and know that this was a terrible time for you and the rest of your family. My heart and prayers go out to you all.

[wellstone_democrat]

76. so very sorry for you and yours

may your last efforts for your father and the love you showed him comfort you---as I'm sure it comforted him.

[waterman]

77. I've never had a post hit me quite like that. The emotion. The image.

All the best to you. And thanks for telling of such a personal and wrenching part of your life. There is a certain universality to your experience and to your eloquent expression. I wish you and your family the peace you now need and deserve. That just put everything back into perspective for me. I don't know what else to say.

[bleedingheart]

78. I am so sorry for your family

but I do hope your dad is at peace.

[ScreamingMeemie]

79. I am so sorry skip. I remember you posting about this awhile ago...

My heart goes out to you. It's been a rough road.

:hug: Laura

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

80. I am so sorry to hear this...

:hug:

[Mass_Liberal]

81. My sincere condolences

I just lost my grandmother. Death sucks.

[Limbought]

82. Please Allow My To Add My Condolences To All The Others.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

[brook]

83. Thinking of you, skip...

I'm familiar with the emotional rollercoaster you've been on these past few months. I was the caregiver for the last year of my Mom's life. Yes, God Bless Hospice! They were a life preserver within reach in a rolling sea. Much good advice here -about how the memory sorts out - and in terms of looking after yourself now. Peace.

[Pithlet]

84. I'm sorry.

:hug:

[Crowdance]

85. Your posts about his death

have meant so much to me. You have shared your spirit and your feelings so sincerely and movingly. I am sorry to learn of your father's death, and I mourn with you now.

[Book Lover]

86. I am so sorry

My mother died six weeks ago of CHF & diabetes, and although I have so much I could say about it, please just know that I somewhat understand, and :hug:

[skip fox]

87. Such lovely friends at DU.

I've been up forever. Goodnight. And thanks again.

skip

[stanwyck]

88. My deepest sympathy

I know it's difficult right now, but please remember to take care of yourself. Try to get some rest. We're thinking of you and hoping you have some comfort from our genuine concern.

[Bozita]

89. My condolences to your mom, your sisters, and you, Skip fox.

I feel a lot of love and compassion wound into this thread.

[peacebuzzard]

90. Final Goodbyes hurt. I am sorry for your loss.

I miss my mom so very much even twenty one years later. Sorry, friend. I shall light a candle now for you.

[shanti]

91. i'm sorry to hear it

my condolences...