OK, serious post here, if you don't mind. For the first time in my life, when I go to bed

[Redstone]

each night, I do so without any real confidence that I'll wake up the next morning. It's been like that for about two weeks now, and although I know there are many DUers who have FAR worse health concerns that I do, I'll whine anyway, if you all don't mind.

I've had dire health circumstances before (and not a few times either). But I was young then, and we all know the indomitable expectation of indestructibility we all have when we're in our teens and twenties. And also, those many times back then, it was a case of being wheeled into the OR and expecting that when they shot the juice to me, I'd wake up a while later and the surgery would work or it wouldn't, but I'd wake up nonetheless.

And when you've lived with MS as long as I have, you expect unpleasant surprises during the long period of decline. But you don't learn to expect evenings during which you have to wonder if there will indeed be a tomorrow.

But there had BETTER be a tomorrow. We haven't brought in all the tomatoes from the garden yet, and furthermore I have work to do for my clients. They would be rightfully honked off if I pegged out with their projects undone.

No need to answer this post or kick it, my friends; I just felt the need to express these feelings.

Redstone

[Kat45]

1. There will be a tomorrow.

And you will be here to experience it.

[Danger Mouse]

2. You'll be with us a good long time yet.

:hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

3. Redstone...

I had that feeling one night about 2 weeks ago.

It was very strange and unsettling.

It makes you realize how much you really want to be around, and how much you are needed.

You will be here tomorrow, and for many tomorrows after that.

[ThomCat]

4. That can be a very reasonable fear.

I hope your health improves enough so that your fear is unfounded. I hope a happy, productive years in front of you.

At the very least it sounds like you are facing and thinking about your fears fairly practically and without panic. You're a strong person.

I am in the oposite situation and have the oposite fear. I'm afraid to live. I am on a downward slide, but it's not at all life-threatening. It's just disabling and painful. I'm looking at decades of being helpless and dependent on heavy drugs and nurses. At some point before I reach that state I'm going to deliberately cut things short. I refuse to suffer that way.

[Celeborn Skywalker]

6. ...

:hug:

[yellowdogintexas]

9. I hope that time is far far away

:grouphug: :grouphug: :cry:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

12. ...

:hug: :hug:

[YellowRubberDuckie]

22. ...

:hug:

[Celeborn Skywalker]

5. I've had that feeling.

All I can say is (cliche not withstanding) to live every day to its fullest. I really mean it. Kiss your wife as if its the last, breathe fresh air daily, appreciate beauty. That way, there will be no regrets.

[grasswire]

7. I'm always surprised in the morning...

....when I'm still here. It's an old habit rooted in years of having an irregular heartbeat. Now that problem is better, but I'm still surprised! I've learned that the body is sometimes more resiliant than we ever could imagine.

[Ptah]

8. I hope to see you in the morning.

If I don't, I'll remember you for being a stand up man.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with me.

[Gormy Cuss]

10. Redstone, all that I can say is I hope "not yet."

I hope that you have a long time before you leave this world.

[SPKrazy]

11. Well the reality is that none of us knows we will be here tomorrow

or that tomorrow will come either

with that in mind, it is a reality for a lot of people to not know if they will be around tomorrow or not when they are ill.

Apparently that is the case for you and that sounds tough. I hope you are around for a long time. I hope I am for that matter.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

13. Redstone...

I really don't know all of your medical history but, I do work with some MS patients. Feel free to PM me if you want more detail.

I could be wrong and of course the PC (well, not around here :D) response to this type of questioning is that it is not for us to decide, it is in God's hands.

However, I really think you have some years left in you unless there is more to your diagnosis than you are posting publicly.

just my .02

[emilyg]

14. We'll see you tomorrow.

[Zavulon]

15. If there is such a thing as karma,

your "Knowshon" post should buy you years of further happy posting, under the assumption that making people laugh buys you extra time. You cracked me up with that one, to be sure.

Even more time was just bought by your use of the phrase "honked off." This reminds me of the Simpsons episode when C. Montgomery Burns orders Homer to throw a pie into the face of the Dalai Lama because "all his talk about peace and love is really honking off my red Chinese masters." :rofl:

Plenty of time left, buddy. Sleep well.

[Writer]

16. ...

:hug:

[Skittles]

17. you ain't kicking for some time

I've got several ass-kickings lined up for ya :hi:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

18. My dear Redstone...

You are not whining. Not a bit of it.

I am quite sure you have many years yet, sweetie...

I'll talk to you soon...

:hug:

[datasuspect]

19. there are no guarantees

each day you wake up is a bonus.

every living thing dies.

[Lil Missy]

20. I'm glad you got that off your chest, if that is the way you feel.

I sure hope you are wrong, and will be around for a long time still.

You see, you're one of my most favorite posters, and among the most level headed. I'd be really hurt if something happened to you.

I lurves ya, buddy.

Don't scare me like this. :cry:

[Redstone]

21. Well, thank you all; I'm here today. And not really worried; just uncertain, which is

something new for me because I've lived a life in which being oblivious has worked out very well, fortunate son of a bitch that I am.

I'll be sending some of you some PMs (because you either asked or posted something touching, to which it would be impolite to not respond), though not until tommorow. (Yes, I'll be here tomorrow. I think.)

But for now, I'm going to go reply to some posts, maybe annoy some people for 20 minutes or so, then go watch the Sox game with Mrs R and the Little Guy.

You guys are great friends. I'm glad I found this place.

Redstone

[suninvited]

23. Have you looked into

Low Dose Naltrexone ? It doesn't cure the disease, but seems to have great benefits in stopping the course of it.

[mainegreen]

24. Honestly, you seem like the type that's to cantankerous to go out easily.

I wouldn't be surprised if you've got decades left.

[crim son]

25. Yes, my friend. Remember the clients.

Remember the tomatoes and the scents of fall and the Thanksgiving meal with family and the stress/joy of the holiday season and the soft fall of the snow and the chill wind that hits you every time you leave your home making home that much more dear, and the lightening days and lingering sunsets seen through bare branches and the first robin hopping on the dead lawn and the dangling narcissus blossoms and the smell of the skunk as he harbinges summer and the first night it's too hot to sleep and the ripening tomatoes and you aren't going anywhere my friend. It just won't do. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[lost-in-nj]

26. Tomatoes, leaves, christmas trees

and us.....

you are one incredible person......


and your wife would kill you if you didn't get up tomorrow :*

and we would miss you


my younger cousin has MS and so far the only symptom she has is she looses
her eye sight for a few seconds...


yes she is scared
and so are we

Redstone

you know how I feel about you

and your wonderful family.....

we love you here......


:hug:
lost