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And I was just talking about this very subject yesterday, with a very good friend of mine.
But I didn't distance myself from them because they're "stupid", per se. They're right-wing, fundamental, born-again Christian literalists. They are also Republicans - and will vote Republican for the rest of their lives because "we need to overturn Roe v Wade". Try to tell them that overturning only dumps it into the states' laps, and they don't want to hear it. They believe that the entire Middle East should be blasted to glass; that all Middle Eastern children are nothing more than "terrorists in training"; still believe that we did the right thing by occupying Iraq; called me (a mother of two, btw) a "baby-killer" because I vote for candidates who are pro-choice; believe that a woman who consequently becomes pregnant after being raped should keep the pregnancy because it's "God's will"; stopped talking to me for about 4 months when I worked for the Kerry campaign because they were "embarrassed" that their daughter was "brainwashed by the people who are going to send this country to hell in a handbasket". Oh, the irony. And all that I mentioned above is but a smidgen of their mindset.
Another serious issue worth mentioning....after several "threats" of suicide and murder-suicide, eventually resulting in mental health facility evaluations, my father was "diagnosed" as being an extreme narcissist and has frequent bouts of narcissistic rage; in other words, he's a master manipulator and control freak who verbally attacks me, my brother and my mother to intimidate and keep us "in line". He also has no qualms with insulting all three of us in one way or another - telling my mother that she's not "intellectually stimulating enough" for him, and telling my brother that he's a "loser"; but he had a special penchant for me, and his verbal attacks knew no bounds. When I gained weight during my pregnancies, I was too fat; when I lost all the weight, I was too skinny; when I did volunteer work for Vietnam veterans, I was apt to upset the veterans because I "can't comprehend" what they went through; when I registered Democrat, I was "being controlled by the devil". The most disturbing thing of all, though, is that his behavior isn't a "disease" or "illness" that could be cured. We were all told that his behavior is mentally, emotionally, and *potentially* physically destructive, and were strongly advised to separate ourselves from him.
My mother attempted to leave my father 4 times; she lived with me and my family during these periods. Her sisters and I spent many hours talking with my mother....reminding her that she has family and friends who will support her; that she is financially capable of living independently; and that she is doing the right thing for herself. We were also made aware that she was taking high doses of Xanax because of her anxiety in dealing with him - and reminded her that NO ONE should have to take drugs to deal with a relationship. We had JUST talked her into seeing a counselor, when I found out that my dad had been calling her at work and on her cellphone....throwing Bible passages and their wedding vows at her. She went back to him - and then told my dad everything that her sisters and I had said. BRILLIANT.
For me, the straw that broke the camel's back was in October of 2006. By that point, I had begged the both of them to please keep the topics of religion and politics out of our conversations....and to please respect my pov, and I will do my best to respect theirs. I told them that I needed their support as I went through my divorce while raising my two sons. They invited me and my boys to dinner one evening, and when I walked in the door, my dad had an obscenely huge map of the Middle East spread out on the living room floor. I didn't even have my coat off, when he proclaims that it is his responsibility as a parent to teach his child - and with my boys standing there with me, he tells me how "uneducated" I am, how "naive" I am, how I'm a product of the propagandist agenda, and that I'm not being a responsible parent - because I'm not properly protecting my children from the threat that is the Middle East.
At that point, I had been in counseling for about 7 months - to help deal with the overwhelming stress in this relationship. But it got to a point where the counselor suggested I go to my physician for anti-anxiety meds, since the stress I was dealing with was becoming unbearable. One visit with my doctor was enough - my blood pressure was way too high. I told my doctor that I didn't need medication to handle the blood pressure, or Xanax to relieve my anxiety. I knew what I had to do.
I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I did everything I could before I walked away from my parents almost 2 years ago. This past weekend, my brother informed me that he needs to break away from them as well, for his own sanity. Unfortunately, it's too late for my mother - she's too far gone to see the forest for the trees.
Sorry for the rant - but it's been a hot-button issue for me, and sometimes it feels pretty damned good to vent.
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