Bullshit Job Interview Questions Happy Fun Thread

[DS1]

Answer how you'd really like to answer

1) What is your greatest strength

2) What is your biggest weakness

3) What is your greatest accomplishment

4) What do you regret the most

5) Why are you the best person for this job


I'll go first

1) The ability to spot a useless sack of shit at table distance in under 2 seconds

2) My inability to not ogle a really hot piece of ass in a tight skirt

3) Selling out my Ranger squad to the Taliban for 2 goats and a young boy

4) Setting my last boss's car on fire, before he was in it

5) I'm better than you, aren't I?

[MsTryska]

1. if i were to answer honestly?

1) What is your greatest strength

~my ability to multitask - ie: surf the web incessantly while still appearing to be competent at the duties i have been assigned.

2) What is your biggest weakness
~the internets.

3) What is your greatest accomplishment
~getting shitcanned, activating my in-house network, and getting hired back in 2 days with the promise of a promotion and raise in 3 months, because my boss's boss was unhappy because his people (my in-house network) were unhappy. Gotta love chain-of-command.

4) What do you regret the most
~proxies and web-surfing monitoring

5) Why are you the best person for this job
~cuz i'm the best at what i do. full-stop.

[DS1]

2. There ya go

:thumbsup:

Now get back to work :D

[MsTryska]

4. haha - not there yet...

this is just the pre-game warm-up.

[Rambis]

3. What makes you a good motivator?

[mainegreen]

5. Oooh

1) I can get all of my pee in the urinal in the mens room. No pee puddle with me, no sir1!
2) Poop is another thing however....
3) Launching a pig from a home made trebuchet. It went over 2,000 yards. I know, crazy right?
4) That one time I didn't wear a condom. Fortunately she was abducted by Columbian terrorists who had escaped from a bad eighties flick and I haven't seen her since.
5) Because I'm the only one who has photographic evidence of what you did with those kids.

[DS1]

6. That's over a mile!

:applause:

[Phentex]

7. my answers...

1) What is your greatest strength

leg press

2) What is your biggest weakness

arm curl

3) What is your greatest accomplishment

survived childhood

4) What do you regret the most

returning the rat poison

5) Why are you the best person for this job

lock the door...

[LeftyFingerPop]

8. Here's mine

1) What is your greatest strength.

I can usually suck my drool back up into my mouth before it hits my shirt.

2) What is your biggest weakness.

My uncontrollable desire to just slap on 16 ounces of "Brut" cologne before work instead of taking a shower.

3) What is your greatest accomplishment.

I once burped out the lyrics to the long version of Don McLean's "American Pie" during lunch with a potential client worth several million dollars of new business.

4) What do you regret the most.

My unfortunate nose hair.

5) Why are you the best person for this job.

"What Job"?

[DS1]

9. What Job

I like that

[raccoon]

10. I can't stand those questions, especially #2.

What do the morans think you're going to say? "I'm lazy?"

[Tuesday Afternoon]

11. ~

1) What is your greatest strength? My bullshit detector. (loudly ringing as I sit for this interview)

2) What is your biggest weakness? Being honest when I should be flinging BS with the Boss.

3) What is your greatest accomplishment? Not killing anyone.

4) What do you regret the most? Not being born rich.

5) Why are you the best person for this job? Who else would work for the cheap salary you are offering.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

12. you got 2 goats AND a young boy?

greedy MF... bet you didn't share

[redqueen]

13. Hahhaha

Answer how you'd really like to answer

1) What is your greatest strength
I have no morals.

2) What is your biggest weakness
I have no morals.

3) What is your greatest accomplishment
Producing biological offspring.

4) What do you regret the most
Not beating the shit out of that guy that time.

5) Why are you the best person for this job
Cause I have big tits.

[DS1]

16. Is there anything big tits can't do?

*stuffs sock in pants*

[ghostsofgiants]

Okay...

1) What is your greatest strength
I can eat and eat and not gain a pound.

2) What is your biggest weakness
Girls with tattoos.

3) What is your greatest accomplishment
Restraining myself from telling you to go fuck yourself.

4) What do you regret the most
Being in a society that forces me into wage slavery, having to answer to the likes of you.

5) Why are you the best person for this job
I'm not, I hate you and your fucking company and given the opportunity I'd tear it down from the inside.

[undeterred]

14. Is there anything you won't do?

[undeterred]

15. My greatest strength

is that I can usually diagnose my manager's personality disorder within the first week, if he or she has one.

[SOteric]

17. M'kay.

1) What is your greatest strength

My cleverness in hiding the bodies of my disemboweled enemies.

2) What is your biggest weakness

Occassionally sparing the life of some wretch who amuses me.

3) What is your greatest accomplishment

That I have yet to subject you to the scathing mockery and guffaws you so richly deserve for dispensing these questions when you've no real idea what to do with the answers anyway.

4) What do you regret the most

What is this thing 'regret' of which you speak?

5) Why are you the best person for this job

Give me the job or you'll never see your beloved Fifi again.

/Channeling Rabrrrrrr

[DS1]

18. Impossible

Rabrrrrr's far too busy to take the time to actually disembowel anyone. Plus, he can't stand the sight of digested food.

[SOteric]

19. Oh alright you've found me out.

I'm really Stewie!

[davsand]

20. Why I am a government wonk!!!!

Answer how you'd really like to answer

1) What is your greatest strength

I can eat a few Xanax for breakfast and not get busted sleeping on my desk blotter.


2) What is your biggest weakness

I need more and more Xanax to show up for work.


3) What is your greatest accomplishment

I once stayed up all night doing a bunch of MDA and drinking and I STILL made it to work the next morning. I am especially proud of the fact that I only threw up in the garbage can a few times during that shift.

4) What do you regret the most

I really wish I'd peed in the front seat of that guy's car--the one that sold me the lousy pot and then tried to feel me up.


5) Why are you the best person for this job

Because I'm not gonna tell anyone you bought a pound of pot from me twenty years ago. You were REALLY baked and I don't think anybody should hold it against you now.

[Symarip]

21. Here we go. I haven't peeked at anyone's.

1) What is your greatest strength
I work so fast that typically, all I do is dick around the internet all day. I'm quiet so everyone thinks I'm working. Rest assured, I'll make every deadline

2) What is your biggest weakness
I have a hard time doing pull ups.

3) What is your greatest accomplishment
Figuring out how to go about life without doing very many pull ups.

4) What do you regret the most
Sending all those letters to Jodie Foster.

5) Why are you the best person for this job
I never compromise my standards, no matter how low they are.

[DS1]

22. i lol'd

[HEyHEY]

23. These ARE bullshit aren't they? No idea why they even get asked...

Answer how you'd really like to answer

1) What is your greatest strength

Resisting authority

2) What is your biggest weakness

Resisting the urge to steal

3) What is your greatest accomplishment

Banging your wife, it was only a great accomplishment cause she's so gross.

4) What do you regret the most

Not banging your mother.

5) Why are you the best person for this job

Have you SEEN the other applicants?


Side story; best answer I ever gave at an interview was in March for the Province Newspaper... it's a total rag and I wasn't really taking them seriously. So, when the two douchebags asked me "What is the first thing you would do if you had control of this paper for day?" My answer was, "Fire you two."

They had no sense of humour.

[flvegan]

24. Okay

Answer how you'd really like to answer

1) What is your greatest strength

I can do what you think is 8 hours worth of work in 2 hours, and slack off the rest of the time. That, coupled with my amazing ability to get around the corporate web blocker and surf porn makes me a triple threat.

2) What is your biggest weakness

Printer rage.

3) What is your greatest accomplishment

Banging your mom.

4) What do you regret the most

Your dad finding out

5) Why are you the best person for this job

I'm good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.

[DS1]

25. hmm, looks like you picked up where HeyHEy left off with the family banging

:rofl:

[Initech]

26. Snappy answers:

1) The ability to drink anybody under the table

2) Not being able to finish off a quadruple cheeseburger at Burger King

3) Winning a friend's beer drinking contest 2 years ago

4) Selling out competitor's secrets to the highest bidder

5) I can bullshit better than anybody in the room.

[Chan790]

27. Oh dear.

1.)I'm kinda really good at the convincing people "I'm not full of shit" thing. What makes it really impressive is that I'm pretty full of shit. It's amazing that my eyes haven't turned brown.

2.) You might not have noticed but I have no patience. I've been accused on my best days of being a vicious asshole. Today...not my best day...tomorrow's not looking too keen either.

3.) I effectively kept my last boss from discovering that I'd lost $54,769 for over nine months. I didn't really lose it per say, I just really really really over-tipped the caterer and apparently I'm terrible at baccarat too. (I didn't actually do this...I've always wanted to say this though)

4.) My senior year prom date.

5.) I've written a grant proposal before, run a charity event and coordinated my last employer in this field's only successful annual appeal ever...by which I mean that I'm way way too overqualified to actually want to work here except that I need to pay my rent.