Darling, There's Something I've Been Hiding From You—I'm Jimmy Buffett

[Pale Blue Dot]

Darling, I know we've been together for over 30 years, and we've always promised that we would never keep any secrets from each other. But I think you should brace yourself, because, well, there is one thing I haven't been completely honest about: I'm Jimmy Buffett.

Please don't be mad!

I know that for all these years you thought I was "Jimmy Buffett the boat salesman who had to travel a lot for work." But no. I am Jimmy Buffett the multiplatinum recording artist known for such songs as "Margaritaville" and "Son Of A Son Of A Sailor." It's not something I'm very proud of, but it pays the bills.

I understand it's a lot to take in right now, but it's true. Your husband and the father of your children wrote and recorded the song "Cheeseburger In Paradise." I actually wrote the lyrics to it the night we met. I understand if you never want to speak to me again.

It's been tearing me up inside, lying to you like this. I can't stand all the sneaking around, so as much as it pains me, I must reveal the awful truth. Last night when I told you I was going to run to the store for a second, I actually flew down to Miami and performed in front of 45,000 people for my Year of Still Here Tour. Also, that Country Music Award on my dresser? That wasn't a gag gift like I said. That is real. And I didn't save up for your diamond engagement ring by taking extra shifts at the marina. Something called "Pencil Thin Mustache" bought that ring. It's a song about a guy who wants a pencil thin mustache.

Jesus Christ, what have I done?

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/darling_theres_something_ive

:rofl:

[GOPisEvil]

1. That is fantastic.

:rofl:

[Kutjara]

2. That isn't even the worst of it.

According to Wikipedia, he's a best-selling author, as well.

"Buffett has written 3 No. 1 best sellers. Tales from Margaritaville and Where Is Joe Merchant? both spent over seven months on the New York Times Best Seller fiction list. His book A Pirate Looks At Fifty went straight to No. 1 on the New York Times Bestseller non-fiction list, making him one of seven authors in that list's history to have reached No. 1 on both the fiction and non-fiction lists. The other six authors who have accomplished this are Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck, William Styron, Irving Wallace, Dr. Seuss and Mitch Albom."

What does it say about Idiot America when Jimmy Buffett is in the same league as Steinbeck and Hemingway?

[Pale Blue Dot]

4. From the article quoted above:

If it's any consolation, I'm also a bestselling author. That's not so bad, right? My newest novel is called Swine Not? and on the cover there's a picture of me in a hammock next to a pig, and…. Oh God, you know what, just forget I ever mentioned that.

[Kutjara]

5. Dear god. Dear dear god.

No. Just no.

[Hawkeye-X]

3. Hmmmm

What's the six degree of seperation of Jimmy Buffett and Eddie Bracken?

Eddie Bracken was in
Baby's Day Out (1994)
with Neil Flynn
was in Hoot (2006)
with Jimmy Buffett

Cool huh?