Could you forgive your SO for an... indiscretion?

[Robb]

Question for the "committed relationship" folks.

[IronLionZion]

1. what a dingbat!

what did she do now Robb?

[bhunt70]

2. yeah, it's torture sometimes but nothing is easy.

Good luck if it pertains to you.
and I guess my voted should be yes, since I have before.

[Exultant Democracy]

3. Depends on the situation.

a random hook up is one thing, but an ongoing relationship is another thing. I would care less if they got drunk and slept with someone (as long as they used protection) then if they were dating someone on the sly, but never even slept with them.

[Deja Q]

4. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Once a user, always a user.

One strike and their out. There are lots of things I am very tolerant of. Cheating isn't one of them. And for emotional or environmental (diseases) reasons, I won't tolerate that crap. If there's a problem, communicatio is the key. Being a coward and screwing someone else merely melts the lock so the key can't be used again.

I still need to find and pick a teammate... oh well, nobody's perfect. Maybe that's why I'm single.

[BlueJazz]

9. Amen Brother!

Love and commitment is like a beautiful glass...You drop it and the pieces never seem to quite fit again.....

[Liberal Christian]

10. I've seen it happen both ways

I've known couples who split when there was an affair, and I've known couples who have gritted their teeth, worked through it, grown because of it, and come out stronger and better and more loving than ever on the other side.

It all depends on the character of the people in the relationship, the "reason" for the infidelity, and the willingness of both parties to commit to doing the hard and painful work of reconciliation.

[MrSlayer]

Depends.

If the indiscretion is cheating then absolutely no way. Nearly everything else is negotiable.

[mhr]

5. Almost Positive The Ex-Wife Had An Affair, Her Guilt Ended The Marriage

eom

[populistmom]

6. I voted for "depends"

If you ask them point blank, they deny it, and you have strong contrary evidence, I think that's pretty unforgivable. If something happened and they are truly sorry, then that's possible. After all, we are all only human and sometimes humans don't always do everything they're supposed do do.

[kixot]

7. What, no Robb is a dingbat choice?

[Robb]

8. Nope

Not a good sign, eh? :)

[Rowdyboy]

11. Yes I would

We've been monogamous for 15 years, but I would forgive...

[ALago1]

12. People are different

Some would be able to work past an "indiscretion" and try to build up trust again.

Personally, I would be constantly full of insecurities and jealousy that I wouldn't be able to get over it. In that sense, I could probably "forgive" but never forget and most likely not sustain the realtionship.

So, there is no right answer to this question. It's up to the individual.

If this question stems from personal experience, then my heart goes out to ya...

[Syncronaut Seven]

13. Sexual infidelity can often be worked thru

If both parties are honest and commited to repairing the relationship.

We're all human.

Lying and deceit are much bigger issues.

[MurikanDemocrat]

14. Honestly don't know.

[Interrobang]

15. Yes, especially if SO were honest about it.

I'd rather know than have my SO sneaking around. Then again, I'm poly by nature and not jealous. This monogamy thing is *hard,* and I'm still not entirely sure it's doable -- or worth it, myself, so I also wouldn't presume to try to hold SO to a standard I can't meet.

[Lindsey]

16. My ex's most significant ex cheated on her (we're lesbians)

several years ago and she is simply unable to completely trust again. Due to that fact, she had a hard time trusting me (eventhough I WOULD NEVER, EVER CHEAT because it's simply not in my psyche to do that to someone - I find the whole sneaking around thing utterly disgusting). However, because of her inability to trust (and I guess I can't blame her), we had so many fights about an ex of mine who was nothing more than a friend, that I just couldn't take it anymore. In retrospect, I should have been much more understanding of her feelings. Infidelity, after seeing what she went through and consequently what I went through, can literally ruin lives unless MAJOR therapy takes place. It's sad...we really loved each other. :-(

[foreigncorrespondent]

17. Yes I could.

The only reason someone strays is because they are not happy on the home front. I would never forgive myself if Sappho wasn't happy on the home front. And I would like to work through the problems to help make her happy on the home front again.

[POed_Ex_Repub]

18. No.. but in my defense

She wouldn't either.