What's the Dumbest, of Funniest Thing You've Done While Intoxicated?

[Merrick]

(or seen some other fool do)

Mine:
Cliff diving
Knocking over my glass of beer, shattering the glass whilst ranting about the virtues of pigeons, then asking two minutes later where my beer was (or so I was told the next day)
Eating at Taco Bell
Hooking up with a girl at a party who, upon closer, more sober scrutiny during our first date two nights later, turned out to be something of a skanky, dumb ex-tweaker who regailed me with stories of smoking speed behind a McDonalds we were driving past on the way to the perfunctory dinner I felt obliged to suffer through.

[MichiganVote]

1. Marriage proposal. ( I wasn't taken seriously)

[LeftyFingerPop]

2. Alcohol has never touched my lips. Alcohol is the tool of the devil.

[Xipe Totec]

7. It takes real talent to drink without getting any on your lips

Believe me, I've tried.

[LeftyFingerPop]

8. ...

So have I. :blush:

[SoxFan]

26. "Alcohol has never touched my lips"

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. I don't rightly remember.

Although I do believe vomiting was involved.

[datasuspect]

4. got thrown off an amtrak train on sept 11 2003

outside of st. louis.

started drinking with this old hippie broad and a gulf war I vet.

they had pills and i blacked out. came to and was being grappled by some missouri sheriff's police in rural missouri.

[Joe Fields]

23. My younger brother was kicked off an Amtrack train for getting too liquored.

In some small town in California.

[Taverner]

5. Falling out of the third story of my house in college

For some reason, I only sprained my arm

That was strange...

Funny ha ha or funny lookin?

[Joe Fields]

24. I can relate. See post 22...

[Chan790]

6. Fell asleep in a tree.

In my defense I couldn't find my dormroom...probably because I wasn't on the right campus.

[Solon]

9. Slid on my knees into an hotel elevator, barely missed knocking my friends...

over like bowling pins. Hint, when you have some tequila in you, and your friends are holding the elevator and tell you to hurry up, it is NOT a good idea to try to run! I slammed into the back wall of the elevator. :D

[Xipe Totec]

10. Beside setting my mustache on fire?

Nothing.


Nothing at all.


Move along...


And besides, nobody took any pictures at the brothel, so you can't prove anything.

[vixengrl]

11. My whole life from age 16 to the present?

(I wish that was more of an exaggeration.)

I puked from the window of a '78 Chevy Le Baron a monstrous quantity of white zinfandel at the age of 20 whilst leaving a poetry reading which we learned quite late was hosted by a GLBT group, and my boyfriend was chatted up by the featured poet--and so was I, by a delightful Russian artist whom I should have actually looked up, as she was smart, attractive, and probably more interesting than the boyfriend. My poem was well-received, but I celebrated it far too much with exuberant under-age drinking.

Fast forward, and I have pelted Race Street for several blocks with what I can only call a pinkish ectoplasm of insobriety resulting from not yet entirely grasping the importance of pacing and snacks whilst boozing. Stupidly enough, we went from that event to some bar-hopping where at some point, inspired by a cranberry vodka beverage, I inquired if my boyfriend ever wanted children. Appopos of nothing, I do believe.

Ah--youth.

[vixengrl]

12. Oh, and another time I beat up a pinball machine.

I totally deserved to be carried out of that place--it obviously wasn't the pinball machine's fault....

[Critters2]

13. I'm not a funny drunk. I'm a depressed drunk.

I sit in a corner, sometimes with a lampshade on my head, crying over the state of the world.

Strangely, I don't get invited to a lot of parties.

[abbeyco]

14. An almost Vegas wedding

with a guy I met at a craps table after a Superbowl party. He rubbed his dice on my lucky 'twins' and won a bunch of money, proposed and we nearly got married. Good times.....and I've not had a Long Island Iced Tea since then

[TrogL]

15. Threw up in a crowded elevator with a loooooooonng way to go

[NNadir]

16. I walked through a screen door.

The next morning I woke up with a woman in my bed I didn't really know and a screen grid imprinted on my nose.

The woman was quite attractive in a physical way - more than a guy with a screen printed on his nose should expect, I guess - but damn if she wasn't one of the dumbest people I have ever met. It was really embarrassing trying to get her to leave while still being polite about our, ahem, "situation."

(No, that's not the sort of thing I did regularly, and yes, it was well before I met my wife.)

I really wanted to ask her if she had any medical conditions I should know about, but we weren't really well enough acquainted for me to pry. I just went for a physical after a reasonable incubation period, and thank goodness, no problems.

I don't think I ever got seriously drunk again.

[moriah]

17. Dumbest thing -- I drove.

Luckiest thing -- I survived, didn't wreck, didn't kill anyone.

[mwooldri]

29. Funniest thing:

Me with my friends were in the Student Union - I was completely plastered. Suddenly I declared "Let's find a woman and get up her ... like that one!" I then pointed to my friends latest "girlfriend". I didn't know they were hooked up!

Dumbest thing: I and my wife were drunk - I was completely sozzled - barely in a state to walk or even care. My wife said she was fit to drive, but in reality she had too much to drink too, but then I was too drunk to even judge her sobriety. Fortunately it was country roads, late at night, not too far away. We made it home safely.

Best thing: after getting home safe that night... my son was conceived.

Mark.

[LostInAnomie]

18. Took a piss in a crowded elevator.

Stole a bulldozer
Threw up on the front door of a Wendy's
Flipped off a priest
Took a dump in someone's shower
Stole a huge box of Vienna sausages

[Lethe]

19. posting on DU

sorry guys/gals for subjecting you to my stupidity.

:D

[Throd]

20. As I said in that other thread, NEVER start a barbeque with acetone.

Oh, it starts the barbecue just fine. It is just that 25' flash ball you need to deal with.

[SoxFan]

21. Tried to walk home to NH...

...from Baltimore.

Ah, god bless beautiful Fells Point!

[Throd]

25. I tried to walk from Stamford CT to Costa Mesa CA

Because I wasn't about to take any more shit from my girlfriend. Fuck her! I don't need this shit, I'm outta here! Which way is west? All I need is this bottle of vodka and my walkin' shoes.

I woke up the next morning freezing my ass off in a park about two miles from where I started.

[Joe Fields]

22. Many things, but one stands out...

At a party at my friend's apartment. Loaded to the gills. Out on his second story balcony regaling some friends with a story. I am really getting into telling it and am quite animated. I spread my arms out wide, lose my balance and begin to fall backward. Well, I hit the rail of the balcony, flip backwards over it, land flat on my back, in the grass, while everyone who witnessed it is freaking out. I'm laying in the grass, laughing my head off, stagger to my feet and continue partying, as though nothing happened.

There are many more stories, but I must yield to discretion.

[Lil Missy]

27. As a teen, a couple neighborhood Friends and I got all tanked on Boone's Farm Wine.

We were walking to my place to crash for the night, about a half block away, and they suddenly noticed I was missing.

While we were talking and crossed the street, I totally missed the step down from the sidewalk to the street and fell flat on my face. I had scrapes and abrasions, and bleeding on my forehead, eyebrows, cheek, nose, and chin.

They quickly backtracked and found me in my miserable state. They got me home, cleaned up my face, poured me into bed, and crashed as if nothing happened.

Boy, did I have some 'splainin to do after that. I looked like I had gone through a meat grinder.

[MilesColtrane]

28. Funniest: Exposed my buttocks for a picture as I posed on the ramparts of Heidelberg castle.

(Talk about your ugly American!)

Dumbest: Broke into my university's administration building to hang out on the roof then stole a couple of signs on the way out. (not my idea)

[mcctatas]

30. My ex fiancee?

[laylah]

31. Rode bare-breasted

on the back of a convertible, into Telluride during Bluegrass :blush:

[Godhumor]

32. That I'm willing to share? "Shake and Baked a banana.

Which I then pan fried.

I will not go into the details of some of my other drunken escapades when I was younger, but I will say I am not a stranger to waking up under a restaurant's restroom sink.