Group Therapy with Newsman Matt Drudge

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

Attention Liberals:

It seems there are a number of threads on your little discussion board today relating to whether or not your fellow liberals like you. This is a problematic sign of people feeling down. It's understandable with the whole Nader thing. Unkie Dick paid him quite a bit for this, but that's neither here nor there.

I, Newsman Matt Drudge, would like to help. Talk to me liberals, lets learn about one another, and what's bothering some of you. Tell me what's wrong, and I'll give you some advice, Newsman Matt Drudge-Style!

Warm Wishes,
Matt

[trotsky]

1. I think every liberal can feel a little better about themselves...

knowing that you are disliked here more than any liberal, Matt. ;-)

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

4. It's nice to be unwanted

Thanks for the kind words. You make an excellent point though, that no matter how bad you liberals might feel, at least you aren't a Class A dipshit like me, Newsman Matt Drudge.

Best,
Matt

[regularguy]

2. My wife and I had a fight.......

What do you and Mrs. Drudge do to get through the tough times?

[private_ryan]

6. "What do you and Mrs. Drudge do to get through the tough times?"

did you mean What do you and Mr. Drudge do to get through the tough times?

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

8. Well, sadly there is no Mrs. Newsman Matt Drudge

My advice to you, however, is to assert that you are the man, and thus, the boss. You should tell her to stop this independent streak and be as subservient as possible to you, the man of the house. That should fix the problem.

Warm Wishes,
Matt

[regularguy]

17. I'm gonna try this when I get home!

You got my back, brother Matt?

[Cooley Hurd]

3. I'm having sex dreams about Shrub...

What do you do when you have sex dreams about Shrub?:shrug:

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

9. Wake up refreshed and happy and ready to start the day!

Of course, I change the sheets pretty quickly as well.

Cheers,
Matt

[Bunny]

5. Well Newsman Matt,

I'm a man hatin', ball bustin', meat eatin', feminazi librul. I may or may not be one of them lesbians, too. I haven't stopped to think that one through. But I got NO problems, ya got that? So quit asking! Thank you for your concern.

Regards,
bunnyj

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

12. Oh dear

I think you just hurt my brain. I have trouble computing things that make no sense to me, and as it makes no sense to me and frightens me, I'll put up a web site encouraging others to be hateful towards you.

Warm Wishes,
Matt

[Richardo]

14. You're killing me!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :D

[Richardo]

7. I feel that "felonious thunk" is not his real name...

...and I'm just not comfortable posting in front of him anymore. Is this normal?

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

16. Hmmm. That's a tough one

Let's say that I can understand the difficulty when you feel that you are being misled. I often have concerns about who I am, and whether or not I may have multiple personalities.

My suggestion is that you continue posting as you normally would, suppress your concerns and assume that it won't ever manifest itself in a fantastic display of violence.

Warm Wishes,
felo...er, Matt

[Droopy]

10. Is that your real chin?

Or did you have it altered with plastic surgery?

Oh, this is supposed to be about what's bothering me.

Well, it seems that I'm not the socialite, Matt. Every time a new person and a potential friend starts up a conversation with me, I go blank and I am left to wallow in my ineptness. What can I do to become a better talker?

[skypilot]

15. Just make shit up...

...the way Matt does.:)

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

18. It's my real chin

But enough about me, let's talk about you.

Well, that's a tough one. What I would suggest is that you carry around your Bible, and refer to it in all these situations. You can always find common ground with anyone you might find yourself talking to within Christ. Either that, or admonish anyone for saying anything bad about Bush.

If I've found out one thing, lo these years, it's that religion and politics are two great things to converse about with total strangers.

Best of Luck,
Matt

[DuctapeFatwa]

11. Matt You're a shill for Nude Christians for Bird Flu. Confirm or deny?

At least that's what was whispered into my ear by a certain perky miss who was seen just last week giggling in a cozy corner in a dimly lit restaurant with an unnamed individual who might, or might not be a candidate for one party or another.

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

20. I can neither confirm nor deny

Because really I'm a shill for a lot of things. But I will say that Good Christians are never nude. Ever. Nudity is evil. Good Christians even shower with rubber suits on. Otherwise they may see their bodies and be ashamed and have to repent with lashes of their washcloth.

Cheers,
Matt

[TXlib]

13. I hear Jay Leno called you a "Big-chined freak"

Comment?

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

21. He's right on both accounts!

I mean, he's got me there!

Jay Leno is also on the payroll, so I'm not sure why he'd say something like that, but I'm sure the Governor had something to do with it.

Warm Kindness,
Matt

[underpants]

19. Can a "liberal" like me and a...well...you agree on Gov. Perry?

Hmmmmmmmmmm?

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

22. Yes!

He's clearly a good man, with good morals, a good track record and is a fine fine American. I'm proud of him. I'd love to see him follow in the footsteps of the man he replaced some day...

Swooningly,
Matt

[underpants]

23. Would you like to have a nice chicken dinner with him in Texas?

Hmm?

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

25. Oh, I'd love that!

I very much like to have a nice chicken dinner with him in Texas. I'd eat a chicken dinner with him here or there. I'd eat a chicken dinner with him anywhere!

Warm Wishes,
Matt

[Goldberg]

24. You're what's wrong.

I could've gone the whole day w/o looking at your ugly face.

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

27. That's tough but fair

That's the sort of thing that just has to be said, even though it's rough. But I do have a very ugly hateful little face. I really can't argue with that!

Best Regards,
Matt

[Goldberg]

29. lmmfao

[arwalden]

26. I Don't Have Any Bob Moses CD's. Should I Get One?

If so... can you recommend any?

-- Allen

[Newsman Matt Drudge]

28. Good question

I'm rather fond of this one:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B000003227/ref=m_art_li_1/104-8052189-2231968?v=glance&s=music

Boppingly,
Matt