Views on spanking

[BurtWorm]

[Melsky]

1. should only be

enjoyed by consenting adults.

[BurtWorm]

2. How can adults know they enjoy it

if they didn't also enjoy it as nonconsenting children? This is really something to make you go hmmmm.... :crazy:

[southerngirlwriter]

25. I know you were partly kidding

but it's a lot more complicated than that.

I know spankos (a shorthand term for people with an interest in spanking as sexual expression) who, like me, were spanked often as a child, as well as spankos who were never spanked as a child.

If I could explain it, I'd do so in a book and get rich. LOL.

Just know that it's not that simple (not that I think you didn't know that, but -- hell, I don't know what I'm trying to say.)

[BurtWorm]

32. I know that you know that I know

that it's not that simple. I think. :crazy:

[nedlogg]

3. Kids and dogs

Should be disciplined the same way.

Catch either doing something wrong, tell them no and then distract them with something else.

Hitting doesn't accomplish a thing other than to reinforce that a person can get what he wants through physical intimidation.

[Touchdown]

7. So you rub kid's noses in their crap?

:evilgrin:

[HEyHEY]

28. And what if I do?

You got something to say about it? :evilgrin:

[Cuban_Liberal]

4. Violence begets violence.

I see it every day.

[Goldberg]

5. I like to be spanked....

oh wait, not that kind of spanking. sorry. :evilgrin:

[arwalden]

6. I also, I also.

I love the smell of fresh leather in the morning... and the evening.

[MercutioATC]

8. Spanking just teaches kids it's O.K. for big people to hit little people

Not the message I want to be sending to MY son...

[BurtWorm]

9. I totally agree. I can't imagine a single instance when it would be okay

to hit my daughter, except maybe to render her unconscience in order to save her life or limb.

I wonder how many who think it's sometimes necessary to hit a child actually have children.

[MercutioATC]

13. I think it's the "If it was good enough for me, it's good enough for my

kids." philosophy. Franlly, I had a great childhood (and wasn't spanked) but I still want to do things better for my son. I'll never understand how people can believe that something's "good enough" for their kids.

[Burma Jones]

10. Haven't Spanked our kids

Have a six year old boy and a three year old girl. Neither have been spanked and are the absolute joy of their teachers and friends' parents. We take things away from them when they misbehave, it works wonders. Our boy was thought to have been in the Autism Spectrum when he about two and a half. He was VERY difficult to handle and I shudder to think of what would have happened if some frustrated parents would have just wailed on him.

Fortunately, he isn't autistic, and our treatment of him, firm, consistent and always non-violent, has helped him become a very good natured kid that works through his frustrations MUCH better than most other six year old boys.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

15. Parents who exhibit self-control

usually raise children who follow their example.

I'm curious...What is the "Autism Spectrum", and how do professionals determine a child is in it?

[Burma Jones]

19. Lordy, you're asking a hell of a question

Here's a good web site:

http://www.pediatricneurology.com/autism.htm


An example:

Our son NEVER babbled, he pronounced words, period and always exactly as he heard them. This is called being echololiac. At 18 months, he could recite most pages of "The Cat In The Hat" but if you asked him "How Are You?" we would just recite something else. It was as though he had no original thought in his head.

However, three years of intense speech therapy with a gentle genius woman who was in a long term lesbian relationship and thus is YET another reason I am pissed at the Right Wing and good support from Westchester County NY and the Katonah-Lewisboro School District helped our son tremendously.

He turned six yesterday and he reads and comprehends third grade level books. He carries on conversations. He can play tunes on a piano and trombone (as a trumpet player, it galls me;) )

I guess the best indicator is that his Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles have stopped commenting on how much he has improved and instead just look at him like any other, well - OK - genius, six year old.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

22. Good for him!

And good for all of you for being patient.

As a former trombone player, I'm thrilled for you!
Thanks for the info. :-)

[Goldberg]

11. I was spanked as a child...

and it didn't work on me one bit...it just gave me a sore red ass.

[Westegg]

12. I'm torn. My parents were good and loving...

...But they were born in the 1930s. So they were raised a certain way. They spanked me, my sister and my brother. They also sacrificed a lot to give us a good life.

They never beat us---not even close. No lasting physical damage at all. A quick spank on the butt. But in those days---the 1960s---spanking was considered okay.

When I became an adult, I realized that my parents were alcoholics, who had been raised by alcoholics. Now I wonder about this whole thing...

Like I said, I'm torn.

[VelmaD]

14. Most of the child development texts...

I had to read as a Social Work major agreed that it should be a very last resort...like when the life of the child was endangering themself or others.

My parents pretty much went with that same approach. We only got spanked as a last resort, only in extreme situations, and only after my parents had calmed down about it. My brother and I seemed to turn out ok. :-)

[southerngirlwriter]

16. Here is what I learned from being spanked:

Warning! This is graphic and disturbing. Read at your own risk.


As a small child (ages 2-8 or 9)

My parents are stupid. Or I'm worthless.

They are hitting me because either they are incapable of giving me a reason to do or not do something; or --- I'm not worth the time and trouble it would take to explain.

If they're incapable of explaining their reasons, then they're stupid. I'm a little kid. I don't have any money. I can't drive. The idea that they're that stupid is way too scary.

So, it must be that I'm not worth the time and trouble it would take to explain. It's easier to hit me. I must be worthless.

As a pre-adolescent (ages 8 or 9 to about 12)

My parents are fucked up. Or I'm worthless.

They say they want me to know enough to get a job and a life and take care of myself on my own someday, but everytime I question their rules, or why they say for me to do one thing but then turn around and do the opposite, they get out the belt and start whipping me again. Either they're fucked up in the head or I'm not worth the time and trouble it would take to explain.

I'm a kid. I'm smart enough to get a job, but not old enough. I don't have any money. I can't drive. The idea that I'm dependent on people who are that fucked up is way too scary.

I must be worthless.

As an adolescent (ages 12 to getting out of their house -- 18)

I am fucked up. And worthless.

This is really sick shit. I'm just as big as they are, but because I need a place to live and food to eat, I have to bend over and take it when they get the belt out. I know -- and I THINK they know -- that they're full of shit. They're not whipping me because I did something wrong. Christ, I'm a very good kid. I'm going to be valedictorian! I got 1450 on my SAT's! I don't do drugs. I've never broken my curfew. They're hitting me because I let them see who I really am. They know that I don't buy their worldview. They know that I don't see things the way they do.

They know that I only go along with their facade because I'm too young to take care of myself. They know they don't own me, so they're hitting me with that belt again.

As horrible as it is, and as much as it hurts, I think it's turning me on a little. Not THEM -- Christ, don't make me puke -- but standing here half naked, bent over, my ass sticking out and what's partly visible between my legs on display -- well, it's as close as I'm going to get to having sex at least until I get to college. It hurts -- it hurts a lot -- but not like it did when I was a little kid.

What does that mean?

OK. I'm a pervert. I'm really sick.

God, I'm sick. I'm worthless. I should kill myself.


That is what I learned from spanking. I wonder if my parents would be proud of themselves? Note: The sick relationships that followed getting out of my parents' house are too sick for discussion on DU, so please don't ask. I hope those of you voting "spare the rod and spoil the child" are very certain of your approach to parenting.

[BurtWorm]

17. It's very brave of you to share that.

And that is the fundamental question in my mind: what does hitting a child communicate to the child? It's supposed to communicate something about consequences, but because it's so personal, it goes much deeper than that.

[southerngirlwriter]

20. it is very personal

I don't condemn people who, like the mother of one child I babysit regularly, swat a 2-year-old on the hand when he/she reaches for a sharp knife or the light socket.

Nor do I think it's a huge big deal if your toddler is headed toward the street and you pick them up and say, "NO! NEVER go in the street!" and swat their clothed backside once.

Those aren't "consequences" -- they're attention-getters.

Once you get into the realm of the ritual, the formal, the humilating, and ESPECIALLY when clothing comes off, you are committing a sexual act.

It's DAMN personal.

Edit: typo

[Burma Jones]

26. My Family was from the South

And I got beaten, bruises, bleeding etc. Fortunately, I am a Male, and a large one at that. Also, it was my Mom that did the beating, so at about 12, she hit me and broke her finger. I also told her that if she hit me again, I would kill her in her sleep.

Not long after that, Mom left and we stayed with Dad.


I hope you have a good life now.

[southerngirlwriter]

29. It's okay (except for financially)

The thing that is most awful to me is that my life as a kid was not AT ALL weird or unusual. Dropping your pants for "a taste of the belt" is as commonplace and ordinary as it ever was. I don't know if it's a Southern thing or not -- it might be; I've never lived anywhere else, so I don't know.

I do know that on a typical Saturday going to yard sales in the lower-middle-class neighborhood I grew up in, I will hear at least three or four kids getting the same kind of "discipline" as I got.

Go read one of dozens of pro-spanking web sites. Yes, some are religious; many are not. They would consider what I went through as a kid ordinary and/or good.

"You didn't shoot up your school, did you?"

"You're not on welfare, are you?"

People are so twisted. I think Mercutio said it best. People think that what they went through is okay to pass on to their kids.

Fuck that.

"Remember how they taught you -- how much of it was fear! Refuse to hand it down, and the legacy stops here." --Melissa Etheridge, oft quoted by SGW

[radwriter0555]

18. voilence teaches a child that violence is a solution to something, when in

fact, it's a solution to NOTHING.

A child will ACT violent if he or she sees violences.

I can't imagine any circumstances that warrant abusing a child.... I just can't imagine a child behaving so badly, on it's own, without enacting learned behaviors.... that could make me hit a child.

I can't even imagine.

[Donkeyboy75]

24. These responses show a problem that's endemic

to trying to be a parent in the U.S. - There is no cookie cutter solution for anything. Every child is different, and making sweeping statements like "A child will ACT violent if he or she sees violences" doesn't help the discussion. I may believe that there is a tendency involved...but that's it. I was hit by a belt twice growing up, and was spanked probably weekly by my mother (although never beaten). I am today the most nonviolent, pacifist person you could ever meet. That being said, some children do not respond well to this form of discipline, and good parents will realize this. I read somewhere on the thread that someone would take possessions away from their child, and that this tactic worked...it didn't on me (neither did grounding). I was a master at self-entertainment, and needed absolutely no toys to enjoy myself. My parents went with what worked. That's what good parents do...oh yeah...they also let you know that they love you every single day.

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

21. Being that all of my friends' kids are spoiled little bastards.

I would say that once in a while it's OK.

[Kamika]

23. Kids are so obnoxious these days..

Spanking would be too nice :P

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

30. When I was a kid even the neighbors could spank us.

[HEyHEY]

27. whack away!

The whole idea of controlling your child is usually done through letting them know there will be consequence....Sure you can ground them, but what does that mean if they can walk out and not worr about further punishment?

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

31. I LIKE IT!!!

....er, oh, um, you mean corporal punishment of children... Well, that's DIFFERENT.

Never mind...