Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear On A Blind Date

[underpants]

This is Dave's Top ten contest. I deleted the names of the "winners".

http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/contest/



10. "Before we kiss, I should warn you that I might taste a bit like trout"

9. "Where shall we eat? Keeping in mind this electronic ankle bracelet allows me a 2-mile radius"

8. "If this goes well my dad wants to go out with you too"

7. "Excuse me, one of the voices in my head is trying to tell me something"

6. "Do you want to know how to say your name in Klingon?"

5. "You may recognize me as the 8 of Diamonds"

4. "Wanna come back to my place and make phone calls on behalf of the Kucinich campaign?"

3. "Once my divorce with Liza is final, I'm all yours"

2. "Do you mind if we make love in front of this webcam?"

1. "That'll be $300"

[11 Bravo]

1. It only looks like an open sore.

Actually, I just got it caught in my zipper.

[underpants]

2. Got any neosporin?

:bounce:

Very funny 2dumb

[THUNDER HANDS]

3. here's one I always liked

"Why yes, I will have more gravey on my pancakes, thank you."

(actual quote from a date i was on once) :scared:

[Kamika]

4. OMG the funniest ever

Dave should have more competitions.. these are really funny

9. "Where shall we eat? Keeping in mind this electronic ankle bracelet allows me a 2-mile radius"

8. "If this goes well my dad wants to go out with you too"

6. "Do you want to know how to say your name in Klingon?"

4. "Wanna come back to my place and make phone calls on behalf of the Kucinich campaign?"

[underpants]

8. He has one every week. This week...............

"How to make the Academy awards more interesting"

I actually won a t-shirt on this about two years ago.

My entries for this weeks Academy Award contest:

Micheal Moore can wear only a baseball cap

Have Bush read the foreign film nominees.

Replace the red carpet with a slip n' slide.

Wish me luck.

[Ready4Change]

Excuse me while I take this call from my fiance'.

.

[emad]

5. "I am blind and deaf and support George Bush"

??

[twistedliberal]

6. ...

"...so when you have a downline, you get more money for doing less work because now you're the upline. Now tonight, I want you to write down the names of everyone you know..."

[kodi]

7. "this is my first date since i got out of prison"

.

[TreasonousBastard]

9. "The only good thing...

about my ex-husband was that no one was as great in bed as he was."

[twistedliberal]

10. "my ex-boyfriend dumped me because I put on weight..."

"...but I still love him so I've lost 40 pounds in the last month and a half. All I want to do is get him back, or find someone just like him. That's why I replied to your profile. You seem really nice, but this will never work because you don't believe in God. That's OK, though because He believes in you."

Yes. It happened.

[Devil Dog Dem]

14. "That's OK, though because He believes in you"

I had a similar one: "Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?" It was all downhill from there.

Very pretty girl though. I dropped her off early so she could bake cookies. No joke. I went out drinking.

[Loonman]

11. "You kiss just like my brother"

n/t

[pagerbear]

12. "I've been so lonely! <sob>"

This happened to me.

[ironflange]

13. Mine never make the grade

:(

My entry was:

You don't have to call me "Mr. President." A simple "Bill" will do.