How do you deal with queerhaters?

[otherlander]

People who hate queer people. How do you deal with them?
:(

[madeline_con]

1. Did you intend for this to be such flamebait? n/t

[otherlander]

2. Is someone here

going to defend homophobes?
On edit: Because that's the only way I could see this becoming a flamewar.

[madeline_con]

6. I thought "queer" was derogatory.

But I'm an old hetero woman. :shrug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

8. not when used by someone who is actually queer

[madeline_con]

11. Thanks. n/t

[Lyric]

15. I'd say not even when used by someone who's straight, if they use it

in a respectful context that pays homage to a particular person's self-expressed identity. It's all about context, to me.

[madeline_con]

21. That seems reasonable. n/t

[datasuspect]

25. like when african americans call each other "nigga?"

[La Lioness Priyanka]

27. yup. exactly like that. only slightly different, because as far as i know

"niggah" is not considered a movement or a form of study. both queer and niggah are reclaiming words and ingroup honorifics but queer studies and the queer movement are slightly different from just use of the word queer.

[datasuspect]

29. yet we latinos are stuck only with homey, vato, and guey as in group honorifics

but when non-latinos say these words, they aren't generally understood as perjorative.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

31. my favorite is when there are gd threads that claim its unfair

that a gay person can say fag but they cant, or a black person can say nigga.

really? this is why you feel bad? seriously?

[datasuspect]

32. i usually call most people asshole

or stupid ass.

my misanthropy is equal opportunity.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

33. but you love me, right?

[datasuspect]

34. ur teh best!!!!111

you rawk!!

btw, nice pics from your soiree.

you are major big time smokin' hot.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

35. why, thank you!

[ghostsofgiants]

38. As it should be.

[ForrestGump]

43. Hey, esse

I've never heard 'guey,' but one caballero with whom I once worked and was buddies with in L.A. used to call both himself and me "Vato-Man" and I liked it even though I suspected maybe it had something to do with either a cow (no, I guess that'd be "vacaman") or going places (vaya-man?...please excuse my utter lack of knowledge regarding Spanish verb conjugations and all that) because if I was a superhero I think "VatoMan" would be the coolest name ever for my alter-ego. He was a bit of a trickster -- had me saying chingalero to some of the women we worked with, for a while, in place of "thingummyjig" (strictly speaking, I guess it was kinda accurate) and, of course, augmented my rudimentary Spanish with all the naughtywords I could ever want -- but I figured that 'Vatoman' couldn't be too bad if he also referred to himself that way. At least it wasn't PutoMan.

If there's another name-change window here at DU, I could do worse than 'VatoMan.' I may be just about as Anglo as Princess Di, but VatoMan is a universal state of mind. VatoMan abides. All hail VatoMan. ¡Viva VatoMan!




Actually, I think "chingalero" is a pretty damned cool name, too. Probably best not naming my children thusly, though. But if you ever see a Western movie in which the main outlaw character is named "Chingalero" you'll know who wrote the screenplay.

[Deja Q]

44. How about African Americans who use the N-word to describe themselves?

Forgive me, but a derogatory is a derogatory word. Period. Give it an alternate meaning and others will use it the same way.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

45. are you african american? if not how dare you presume to know how they should

be allowed to address themselves

[Shell Beau]

60. I agree. The word is ugly and should be eliminated.

The use of the word even in a non-racist way only helps to keep the word alive.

[otherlander]

17. I know for a fact

that there are DU'ers who identify as queer. So do some of my anarchist friends. Me, I could call myself bisexual, or pansexual, or queer because as I understand it it's a general term for anything other than straight, or I could just not call myself anything at all and be content to namelessly wander around the Kinsey scale for all eternity.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. not very well. why?

[otherlander]

4. Because they're trying to destroy one of the best friendships I've ever had.

They suck.

[Lyric]

5. I'm usually pretty damned hostile with them.

Whenever some asshat religious group comes to campus to spread their hyperbolic lies about how GLBTQ people are destroying the world because of who we love and/or have sex with, ThinkBlue1966 and I park ourselves right in front of their "protest zone" and start making out heavily. We usually get a lot of people cheering and clapping when we do it, too.

When I come across an individual hater, they don't usually realize that I'm not straight--at least not right away. I let them talk for a bit, then interrupt to give them a verbal tirade on their own stupidity and ignorance that leaves them sputtering and stammering and trying to backtrack. They're always SO willing to be vicious when they think they're talking to a straight person. You'd be amazed how cowardly they get when they realize that they've talked themselves into a confrontation with one of Those People.

Fuck 'em. They don't scare me. They just piss me off, and I have no problem telling them so in a way that makes ME look brilliant and competent, and THEM look uneducated, heartless, and petty.

:hi:

[otherlander]

13. Oh...

I didn't realize you two were a couple. :dunce:
Good for you, though! Unfortunatley, I don't think hostility would work very well in this situation, seeing as the haters in question could really make life difficult for me if they wanted to.

[bertha katzenengel]

7. Fortunately I haven't had to deal with them much.

I used to try to engage them on open* message boards, but my BP just went up, so I quit.

The closest I've come to "queerhaters" was when I was a fundy, sitting in church and nodding my head, "yes, that's right, love the sinner, hate the sin."

* to all political parties

[Shell Beau]

9. I can't say I really know anyone who just bashes on gay people.

I am sure that some of the people I know are homophobic, but I don't know anyone who is really outwardly a gay basher. But I try not to hang with anyone who hates on any type of person.

[southpaw]

10. I explain to them

that today's GLBT rights movement is essentially the same as the civil rights movement of the 60's and that, in about 30 or 40 years, they will be no different than the people in those old photographs who were blasting the Civil Rights marchers with fire hoses or turning attack dogs loose on them.

I ask them how they think they will feel telling thier grandkids that, when the struggle for equality was going on, they were on the wrong side of the fight... they were the bad guys.

[otherlander]

19. I can't say that to them.

They're African American, so they know what it's like to be discriminated against based on race, and if I tell them that they're acting like racists it's just going to piss them off even further, and then they'll never let their son see me again.

[malta blue]

12. I don't.

I refuse to be around them if I can help it, and try to ignore them if I have to.

Otherwise I just get too pissed off.

:shrug:

[Midlodemocrat]

14. By tearing them a new one.

I've gotten quite good at it.

[Lyric]

18. ...

:yourock:

I would like to see one of those confrontations. MIDLO SMASH!

:popcorn:
:rofl:

[DS1]

20. Do you run over them with your minIVAN BOXWINE BOXWINE

BOXWINE ARARGH HELP IT'S NOT STOPPING BUNCO BUNCO BOXWINE MINIWINE BOXUNCO BOX BOX BOX BOX

OH GOD MAKE IT STOP BOXWINE BUNCO MINIVAN OH PAIN BOXWINE BOXWINE MINIVAN BUNCO HA HA TOLLBOOTHS OLIVEWIN GARDENBOX BOXWINE DOUCHEBAGS

BRAZILLIAN BOXWINE BUNCO OMG IT HURTS BOXWINE BUNCO BUNCO BUNCO BUNCO BUNCO TOLLBOOTHS THIS THANKS FOR PLAYING

NOOOOOOO! BOXWINE BOXWINE BOXWINE BUNCO BUNCO BUNCOWINEOLIVEGARDEN REVIEWS BOXWIN TAKE-HOME REFUND WITH RECEIPT PITBULLS BOXWINE

[Midlodemocrat]

24. It has SIRIUS SATELLITE RADIO!!!!!

:rofl:

[Zuiderelle]

30. !!

:spray:

[Tektonik]

39. corn flakes

[DS1]

42. !

[ForrestGump]

46. Dood, teh series hugh

Rofl rofl rofl. Popcorn. Cordially.

[Danger Mouse]

51. Deleted message.

[SacredCow]

16. It really depends on the individual....

Generally speaking, my life doesn't usually present many opportunities for being the subject of any up close and personal attacks. I've only had a handful, but they pretty much covered the full range.

On one end of the scale, you have people who are just repeating things that they've heard before (from fundies or somesuch). They have no earthly idea of what they're talking about. If they seem at all reasonable and intelligent, I might engage in a respectful dialogue with them. If I make one person see the light, then it's one less to worry about right?

On the other end, you have the really loud, angry, and violent type (the ones that hang around the bar parking lot and want to fight for no reason). Those I will typically avoid as much as possible- as you never know what they're going to do. You're not going to change their minds, and I've no intention of escalating a situation to where some macho idiot whips out a weapon.

It just depends on the queerhater....

[backscatter712]

22. Ostracism.

I refuse to socialize with such bigoted scum.

[MsTryska]

23. I hit on them....

and insinuate dirty thoughts in their head until they explode in a stream of filthy damn near pornographic projecting.

Then i ask them if they need soem personal time in the bathroom to get themselves together.


This is only on the internets tho. I don't engage queerhaters in real life. to be honest I don't think i've ever crossed paths with with a real live one. But then everyone I know knows where i stand.

(btw - i'm a straight female - but i love baiting vociferous anti-gay people because honestly - I think they protest too much)

[Taverner]

26. Skullfucking them

Seriously - I get pissed and insult them usually :)

[BarenakedLady]

28. I don't.

They would no longer be in my life. Or, if it were a family member (which thankfully is not the case), I would let them know how I felt and then limit contact with them.

[Chan790]

36. I mastered this...

I started treating even the most-innocuous comment as a come-on and complained bitterly about how some people just can't take a hint that I'm not interested. Nothing pisses off the queer-hater like the insinuation that you think they're the very thing they hate most.

[TrogL]

37. Be a good example

I've changed the minds of several formerly homophobic people by simply behaving normally, having them gotten used to me, then casually mention having a boyfriend.

The ensuing discussion usually reveals that they actually have no idea what gay people are like in person and they've been working off TV and fundie preacher stereotypes.

[ghostsofgiants]

40. Constant mockery for their stupid fucking prejudices and bigotry.

[DarkTirade]

41. I may not always be confrontational about it, but I try to always at least put my foot down firmly.

There is a line. That doesn't get crossed. Sometimes I'm in a situation where I still have to play nice, but you can still stand firm when you're being nice.

[Fleshdancer]

47. I call him on it.

and then remind him that he's delusional if he thinks he's attractive enough for gay people to be interested in him in the first place so he has nothing to worry about.

To date, I have never heard woman say something derogatory about homosexuals in my presence.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

48. Sexual harassment, usually.

I'm such a flirt.

[Iggo]

49. Different ways, depending...

...on how well I know them and/or how they exhibit their hatred.

Shun them. Ignore them. Shame them. Expose them. Laugh at them. Educate them. Yell at them. Sock them.

Depends a lot on my mood, the venue, whether or not it's up to me to do anything about it, and whether it's worth going to jail over.

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

50. How can anyone hate Queer?

It's an awesome song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo-ROkbvtxE

[Danger Mouse]

52. Well...the only homophobe I've ever been close to is my ex-girlfriend...

and I didn't handle it too well. Quite a bit of arguing we did on that subject.

[elshiva]

53. Run the other way and get help.

I've only met a couple, but usually I feel powerless to confront a real homophobe. If they are at work, I tried to get a supervisor to talk to them.

[bridgit]

54. I do not care what color they are, I don't care what sexual identities they persue...

I don't care what nationality they are or what region of the country or world they live in or came from I-am-in fundamental disagreement with people that hate. I have no time for haters, or ignorant people. They are a forms of emotional vampire'. Situational awareness being key; I look no-less than askance upon their whereabouts. And will take steps to deflect their pernicious doings, sometimes into their faces if on the odd they cross my path. Fortunately...

Comprised more-so of small (by comparison to some), elegant circles; the life we lead is filled with unencumbered orbits instead.

[Lil Missy]

55. I've never run across anyone brave enough to confront me in a hateful manner to my face.

I do have a dear friend of several years, who is a very religious fundy type. She felt it necessary, for religious reasons, to tell me that she felt homosexuality was wrong, and against god's teachings.

I don't argue about it, and I agreed to disagree. I think she just needed to get it off her chest. But she has always treated me with the utmost of respect, and that's all I really care about.

We've been the best of buds for the last couple years since then. I consider her a dear friend, as she does me.

Imagine that! A fundy and a queer being good friends!

:wow: :wow: :wow:

[moriah]

56. I talk about all the fun they're missing out on at Faerie gatherings.

Actually, that's exactly what I did recently.

We have a new cow-orker (hyphenation on purpose) who asked me where I went on vacation this May, so I told him (a Faerie gathering).

"Well, I'm a homophobe."

"That's too bad, really... there's nothing like being out in the woods, listening to drums and dancing around a bonfire or watching all the stars. And the food is fabulous, this year they had an Indian food night, and it was 10 times better than any I've had in a restaurant. And all the hot topless women...."

"But wait, aren't you with a guy?"

"Yeah, the girls out there know I'm doing the monogamy thing, and my man knows I'm faithful. But I can still look..."

[Rhythm]

57. I let them "put their foot in it" for a minute... then i step on it

I don't look as stereotypically dyke-ish as i used to when i was younger, so now i am more apt to either overhear homophobic shit, or to be included in the conversation by phobes who are only acquainted with me in the context of my work environment (i work retail, and we have a large customer base of 'regulars').

I'll give them just enough rope to hang themselves, then i tighten the noose. I do not just let these things go, because chances are the person who has made such an ass of themselves thinks that their rhetoric is falling within a 'safe zone'... like bigots who make racist comments only after they make sure that the are only among people of their own color.

People like this often develop these homophobic beliefs while under the delusion that there is no one in their life who isn't straight; that fear/hatred of the unknown 'other'. Occasionally, after i have 'straightened them out' that they're talking to a queer/dyke/whatever, the realization is enough to shock them just a little... to make them even briefly reconsider why they think the way they do. Doesn't work all the time, of course... but once in a while it does.

[Lil Missy]

58. My usual tactic is to allow people enough time to decide whether they like me or not, before

they find out I am gay. I've had some amazing results that way, because once people have already decided they like you and you have cultivated a friendship, it's a lot harder for them to back off and dismiss you after they find out.

I admit it's a bit sneaky on my part, but it works! LOL! If I had revealed off the get go to these fundy women that I was gay, I suspect I we would have never become such good buddies, nor would I have heard the time of day from these women.

But they had already decided they liked me. LOL! Which is the way I like it anyway, seriously. I wish to be judged as a person and on my personality and characteristics, and not on my sexuality. Being gay is not my ONLY identity.

And one of those fundy ladies happens to be one of my dearest friends. Imagine that! A fundy religious type being a good friend of a queer!

Life is just amazing sometimes.

[TheBaldyMan]

59. Point out that they're latent homos ,

usually because they lack the self awareness to realise just how fucked up they are.