I'm working abroad in England and my boss is a complete and total tyrant asshole

[WildEyedLiberal]

Hope y'all don't mind if I vent here...

So I graduated college in December and decided to work abroad in the UK for six months while I decide whether to go to graduate school or look for a job, etc. My biggest college regret was not studying abroad, so this is my chance to live in another country before I get too tied down with life. It's been an amazing experience so far, and after traveling and chilling for a couple of months, I finally got a job last month, at a little bed and breakfast in a small town northeast of London.

It's a great job - the pub is frequented by several regulars, the kind of charming and quaint and very English atmosphere I'd been hoping to find here. I like my coworkers, the food is good, and I get live-in accommodation, so I have no bills. But my boss - the pub owner - is a complete and total horrorshow. He was okay, at first, if a bit demanding and an obvious control freak. Whatever, most bosses are control freaks, I can deal with that. But this past week he started singling me out for special harassment - reaming me over the most trivial and inconsequential things that I had "done wrong." If we were extremely busy and I was running all over the place, taking orders, cleaning dishes, pouring beers, but I forgot to put a steak knife on the table before their order came out, so as far as he's concerned I'm a stupid slacker who can't do anything right.

It culminated today with him threatening to fire me because I: a) hadn't filled a salt shaker on one random table (despite the fact that there is another person working there besides me, and yet this person did not get threatened); b) put a pink and a burgundy pillowcase set in one of the rooms, instead of 2 pinks or 2 burgundies; c) forgot to set up a table (which no one sat at all night) with coasters; d) missed a couple of crumbs under one table when vacuuming.

It is obvious this psychopath wants to force me to quit, God knows why. The cook, a woman who has worked here for ten years, says he's just a prick on a power trip and that he does this to EVERYONE who has ever worked here. She also says he's just bluffing about firing me because he likes to make people sweat. Complicating this is the fact that it's a live in job - I'm sure the idea that firing me would not only leave me unemployed but homeless in a country where I am a total stranger and have no family makes him feel like he has even more power over me. But even if he is bluffing - do I really want to work in a toxic and hostile environment like this? He blustered today that he was going to be reviewing me "week by week" - so in other words, I have to constantly walk on eggshells and wonder what I'm going to do next that will set him off.

I do have someone I could stay with, if worse came to worse, although losing out on this job plus suddenly having to pay rent would destroy all the money I'd set aside to travel with, which is why I came to the UK to begin with. Not that this asshole cares. But, I could make do for a bit and hopefully find a temp job (maybe; they're getting hard to find) if I had to. But I also feel like quitting would be letting him win, since it's obviously what he wants - to drive me to leave. But I am honestly not sure if I can deal with him any longer. He is abusive. If I actually lived here, I'd explore more options and recourse, but he is completely taking advantage of the fact that I have no permanent home and no reliable source of income other than what he gives me. He thinks he can bully me around because I'm a young foreigner on a temporary work visa.

What should I do? Tell him to fuck off and leave, or stick with it, try to ignore his harassment, and try to make it to the end of my original leaving date (early September)?

[Book Lover]

1. Seek further options, definitely

I just read "Waiting" which is a book written by a career waitress; in it she tells of this one place run by a dope-snorting fiend, who eventually closed down the business when some guys came around to break his legs. The dishwasher had been visiting from Australia, and had to go home having been in California for only a few months, and having only seen the restaurant and the few blocks around his apartment.

As for him winning - is this even a game you want to spend your valuable time on?

I don't know anything about how to best find another job - maybe the UK forum would be helpful? Best of luck!

[skygazer]

2. I'd certainly try to look for other options

But I'd also try to at least make it look like his bullshit isn't bothering you. People like that feed off the fear and anxiety they produce - if you just smile and nod and say, "Oh, sure" rather than let him know how pissed you really are, it may take the fun out of it for him. Yes, I've worked for that type - they hate it when they feel like their victims aren't quaking in their boots.

[hippywife]

5. My sentiments exactly!

That will certainly take the bluster out of him. :hi:

[WildEyedLiberal]

7. Yeah I have tried to do that

He's completely a Jeckyll/Hyde character, too - one minute he'll be threatening to fire me, calling me on the carpet for all these things I've allegedly done so poorly, and the next minute he'll make some joke. I don't reward him by pouting about it, although I did call him on some of the more flagrant falsehoods this morning, such as when he accused me of getting the side dishes for a certain meal wrong, when I clearly hadn't, and pointed that out to him on the menu. Did he apologize or admit he was wrong? Hell no, he claimed it was "different" on the "old menu." As if that has any relevance to him bitching at me today when he can't even keep his own shit straight.

So I laugh at his stupid jokes and pretend I get along with him - maybe the more I act happy about working here, the less fun it will be for him to terrorize me. At least until I can find another job, and then I will be out of here in a New York minute.

[Sanity Claws]

3. Sorry, no advice

I just wanted to let you know you were heard and I feel bad for you.
BTW, since you're in Britain, shouldn't you call him an "arsehole?"

[WildEyedLiberal]

8. Actually I prefer "wanker"

:rofl:

Thanks for the sympathy, it feels good to vent about it at least.

[BlueIris]

4. Yikers. I'm sorry; hope you get away from that scary asshole soon. nt

[Sequoia]

6. I see, he must hate Americans.

He very well knows your situation. You have no family to turn to there so it gives his little simple mind, and other small things he has, a big turn on to be mean and spiteful to you. You could say: We kicked your butts in the USA twice you island dweller nitwit you.

[WildEyedLiberal]

11. Yeah he also berates me for speaking "American" at times

I have come to really enjoy British culture, and I have found the vast, vast majority of people here to be very friendly and curious about America/Americans, and though most people pretty clearly hate Bush, they in no way hold average people like me responsible. But one thing I've encountered a few times that does irritate me is when I reference speaking English and the person I am talking to corrects me and says I'm not speaking English, but "American." Uh, no. I may speak a regional variant of English, but the language I speak is most assuredly English. Of course asshole boss thinks this is quite hilarious, with the obvious implication that I speak an inferior, bastardized form of the language. I probably have a larger vocabulary than he does, but I digress.

I'm not sure it's an "America hating" thing with him, though. From what the cook tells me, he does this to everyone, and he's had everyone from fellow Brits to Aussies, Kiwis, and Canadians working here too. He does tend to hire short-term foreign workers, though (the girls who preceded me were American and Canadian), and I'm starting to understand why. He knows foreigners on their own have much, much fewer resources to call him on his bullshit than if he started hiring locals.

[Sequoia]

16. Well, you are certainly in a pickle.

He's got you between a rock and hard place. He gets his jollies acting that way. Good luck.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

9. Good advice above

Keep your eyes open for another job AND in the meantime, act as if his rages don't bother you.

[DS1]

10. kick his ass, tie him up, and stick his mouth on the guiness tap until he explodes

that would be cool

[WildEyedLiberal]

13. Best advice yet

:thumbsup:

[backscatter712]

18. That'd be a waste of good Guinness!

Now, if the pub had a budweiser tap, I'd say use that - that'd be a fate worse than death! :evilgrin:

[Courtesy Flush]

12. Move to another country

You're out for adventure and new experiences. Well, you've experienced England, now try somewhere else.

Any place that has a high tourist appeal will have a large English-speaking population, so you'll do fine.

Proceed with your mission! Don't let it get spoiled for you, just change gears!

[WildEyedLiberal]

14. Well I have a UK working visa

I don't really have the resources to pack up somewhere completely else at the moment, or any idea how to get a similar visa for other countries (except Ireland, which I could do fairly easily, but again, $$$ (or pounds signs or euro signs, whichever the case may be)).

I do think I'll start looking for a job elsewhere, though, and just ignore him until then.

[yellowdogintexas]

15. early September is only about 4 weeks away. So if a good opportunity presents itself

go for it but if you are only going to be there for such a short time, those opportunities may not pan out. Sounds like the cook is an alright person though

Definitely a total jerk on a power trip .

edited to add: Are you working for Basil Fawlty by any chance?

[WildEyedLiberal]

17. Yeah, I'm torn between toughing out the four weeks or just cutting my losses and getting away

The only reason I really want to keep working is to fund my future travels - my visa doesn't expire until November, and I'd planned to save the money from this job over a couple of months, which would then give me about 1600 pounds to spend traveling throughout late September and October. If I leave, though, I'll only have half the money I'd planned on having, and have to spend it on rent for some other place, rather than setting it aside for travel. So as much as I want to get away from this creep, it would seriously thrown a wrench in all my plans. I think that's actually what he wants. He knows he's got me in a bind, and he really enjoys leveraging this amount of power over my life. He's really enjoying making me sweat, wondering if I'm going to get fired any day now. If it wasn't for the cook I'd probably have quit by now, actually - she's the only saving grace to it all.

Of course, if I can line up another job in the meantime, the issue would be moot, so here's hoping I can stumble across something...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

19. My dear WildEyedLiberal...

No advice...

Just know you have my complete sympathies...

:hug:

[WildEyedLiberal]

20. Thanks Peggy.

:hug: