Does anyone else feel ANGRY when someone dies young?

[Taverner]

I'm not talking about OD's and suicides...I'm talking people who get cut down in the prime of their life because of cancer, MS or some other uncontrollable illness.

It doesn't make me sad. It makes me ANGRY. It makes me vigilant. It makes me hate death with such a passion - which is unreasonable. Death is an amorphous concept. It is not a person.

But it pisses me off. Even if that person is Tony Snow.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Taverner...

Actually, no, I haven't felt angry, really...

Just sad.

Khash's death made me sad.

That's just how I am...

YMMV...

:shrug:

[Deja Q]

2. A pro-life society would not only defend itself, but help as many as possible live TO old age...

with dignity, and not in excess medical debt. :(

[azmouse]

3. More like shock when it happens to a family member.

My 51 year old brother died last November of a heart attack.
No warning signs whatsoever. He just died in his sleep.
Much too young.

[easttexaslefty]

4. Why is it different if its a suicide?

They aren't cut down in the prime of their life maybe by "some other controllable illness"?

[Taverner]

5. Because the anger shifts from death to the individual in that case

[easttexaslefty]

8. Um....I'm not angry at my son who suicided

I'm angry at the situation

[GCP]

10. OMG I'm so sorry

I can't imagine going through that :hug:

[skygazer]

12. I'm so sorry

I'm not sure why so many otherwise compassionate people won't spare compassion for tortured souls.

:hug:

[Taverner]

14. I have compassion, but not much anger

There is a certain acceptance I have with those who choose their own time of death.

[Left Is Write]

16. I think easttexaslefty's point was that suicide is usually the result of depression...

which is just as much a killer disease as cancer or MS or diabetes or anything else.

If you are angry that cancer kills a person, be angry also that depression kills a person.

[easttexaslefty]

18. Exactly

[sammythecat]

26. Yes, that's as much of an "uncontrollable illness" as any other.

Many people simply can't understand that. There was a time in my life when I didn't understand that either. Time passed and now I do understand that.

I don't think there is a single condition that can be described as "the worst", but there are many that are tied for 1st place. Real clinical depression is one of them, and the horror of it is compounded by most peoples complete lack of understanding of what it really is and what these poor souls are dealing with. Nobody asks for it, it's entirely unwelcome and the pain is unbearable. So unbearable that sufferers will choose death to be free of it. It's an awfulness of such a situation I don't think can be imagined. It's very much like those poor people in the burning World Trade Towers that jumped to their deaths to escape the fire. Those people had only two options, one more terrible than the other. Suicide is the same thing.

Worst of all is they are made to feel shame for what is happening to them. What they need most is often the one thing that is denied to them.

[skygazer]

6. I've lost many friends to OD's and suicides

I'm not sure why you don't count them but I miss and value those people, all the more for the frailties that caused them to turn to those options.

I don't really feel anger, though. Sadness. Loss. We have no set time on Earth, no inalienable right to live a long life. If someone lived a full one, that's cause for some gratitude and I think that's something that does sadden me more about the OD's and suicides. They didn't even have that. :shrug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

29. Because some people are lucky and haven't got a clue.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

7. yes esp those who die of aids/

[Taverner]

9. HIV is the saddest for me

I did HIV prevention in the Peace Corps. That is such a horrible, horrible death. Whether it's Kaposi, Pneumonia or the Shingles you have to live with while still alive...fuck.

No one, NO ONE should have to face that. I am optimistic about the trials in Houston for that new "HIV Killer" that could not only be a vaccine, but a cure.

Cross your fingers.

[easttexaslefty]

11. All illness is sad and horrifying

Mental and physical

[sammythecat]

27. Yes, as I said in an earlier reply there are many that are

tied for worst and much depends on the circumstances of each case, and mental suffering is every bit as real as physical suffering. Too few people recognize that fact. More now than ever before, but we still have a long way to go.

[livetohike]

13. I was angry that my b-i-l's 24 yr. old nephew committed suicide

after two tours in Iraq and he was so mentally distressed that no one could help him. It's atrocious the state of care for our mentally wounded soldiers. I cried the minute I walked into the memorial service and cried the whole time I was there. The sight of all his National Guard buddies in their uniforms with their young faces ....wondering which one of them would be the next victim.

[easttexaslefty]

19. Right, and i would guess you were angry

at the situation...not your poor nephew. {{{HUG}}}}

[grannylib]

15. Yeah...more sad, but at times, I've definitely been angry. I

vividly remember shrieking at God that I was so pissed off at him, after my daughter died, and my poor husband thought I was talking to HIM...
Mostly sad and I miss the daylights outta her, but I do still get angry sometimes.

[Taverner]

17. OMG I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a daughter...or a son

:hug:

[grannylib]

22. It's torture. I feel fortunate to have survived, some days...not everyone

who is a member of this horrid little club has been able to do that.
:hug:

[Taverner]

23. Kinda makes you want to spend every waking minute with the wee 'uns

[grannylib]

25. Yeah...she left two kids, and we take them every chance we get

They're here now, matter of fact...Grandson is making himself some lunch, and Granddaughter is out on the deck, yakking on her cell phone. They're 12 and 13, and the lights of my life, and I treasure every second I get with them.

[easttexaslefty]

21. Sad, horrified, distraught,

suicidal,angry this could happen to my child,and angry at myself but never angry at him.......

[JVS]

20. No.

I consider it to be a luck of the draw type thing.

[galledgoblin]

24. yes, and am angered by young deaths caused by all diseases

especially when better health care could have saved them.

[ScreamingMeemie]

28. Well, I AM talking suicide Taverner. And yes I am angry, but not

at him. I am angry that people like you somehow think it's "different". Thanks alot. Feel the love...


Because you are one of the ones who would put him in with all the "stats"...

For your information and so that hopefully you will think before something so asinine gets posted again:

No, he wasn't an addict.

No, he wasn't an alcoholic.

No, he wasn't depressed. There it covers it for you. It happened for a very stupid reason. A loss is a loss. If you have to "qualify" the loss somehow, well then how sad I feel for you.


It's not how a person dies, it's how they live. And he was the most incredible human being I have ever met.

But thanks for reinforcing just how much I don't have a spot anymore in this world. Thanks.

[mentalsolstice]

33. Yep, suicides are a league unto themselves

The ramifications can be felt over several generations of those left behind. I was abused physically and mentally by a family member who felt responsible for their parent's suicide. I was very insulated from the facts of the suicide, was told it was an accident. However, when I learned the truth in my early 20s, I began to have revelations that the abuse wasn't all my fault (up until then, I felt guilty and thought I brought the abuse upon myself because of my actions and because I was a smart-assed child). I still deal the insecurities on a daily basis (and sometimes, I don't deal well). So I know of the dysfunction, for lack of a better word, that is felt by survivors, that is unique, and unlike losing someone to disease, accidents or criminal activities. The "five stages of grief" just doesn't cover the range of emotions in the case of a suicide.

Another immediate family member has attempted suicide several times. The last time was pretty nearly successful, several weeks in a coma, and not knowing how s/he would come out of it. Having gone through that, and all of the questioning of oneself about how you could have perhaps prevented it, you really enter into a PTSD situation. When the phone rings at 3 a.m., you freak out much like a war vet does when hearing loud popping noises.

I have also lost loved ones to natural causes. My best friend died at 50 y.o. to pancreatic cancer, he died exactly 2 weeks after his diagnosis. Other important people in my life, young and old have also passed. However, for some reason, anger (at a higher power?) never really kicks in as a part of my grief. I've never really experienced the death of a loved one caused by the hands of another human (murder, DUI, negligence, etc.), so I don't know if I would be angry in such a situation.

[Angleae]

30. It really depends on how they die.

If the die through their own sheer stupidity then no.

[datasuspect]

31. death is completely natural

and something no one has control over.

makes no sense to get mad about it.

[bridgit]

32. Angry? No. Angry at whom, what? God? No God? Clouds? It is easier to become angry at a system...

that enables such things however http://www.pollyklaas.org">Polly Klaas Foundation