Declaration of a Fat Woman

[QueenOfCalifornia]

Dear DU,

I am fat. I feel like I need to come clean. It isn't that I have lied to you but I have not told the rest of the world that I am fat.

Okay - I used to be very thin. I mean, I wore a size 6 or less... (I am 5'10" and used to weigh 124lbs) After having my kids I got fat and then I lost the weight but then I gained it all back plus more.
I am now FAT.

The reason I am telling you this isn't because I want sympathy.. WTF?

I am afraid. I am afraid of seeing a friend of mine who I have not seen in a long time. He wants to get together with me but I am afraid he will "hate" me because I am now a fat woman.. AKA COW.
I am afraid that this man (Plus another friend of mine...) will hate me because I got fat.

Should I just be honest and warn my friend that I am a fatso? I feel so ashamed.

-----

Gilligan

Me Now:

[MissHoneychurch]

1. You are a beautiful woman

You are a WOMAN, not a 15 year old girl.

I do understand your concern though. Tell him that you gained a few pounds since you had your children.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

2. A few pounds?

I gained about 90 pounds.

xoxo

Are you going to Germany? I thought I saw a thread....

[MissHoneychurch]

4. You look beautiful in the picture you posted

if the guy likes you he will like you no matter how much you weight. Hey, maybe he gained weight too ... do you know it?
You could send him that pic of you.


I am German, living in Germany. I will just go to Berlin with 48precenter to hear Obama speak.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

10. He was a big deal

in my life. He made my world turn way back when. There is a lot of history. BUT the thing is, we had something deep. BUT HE fucked it up by cheating on me and so I always had the upper hand. I left, taking the high road. I just kept going and we lost touch. Then, he contacted me and wants to be friends... So much more that I can not explain. He always thought of me as the beautiful genius. Now I am the fat, smart, old lady.

[MissHoneychurch]

11. You got it right

you are SMART!!!!!!!!!!!

[QueenOfCalifornia]

17. That does it!

You are officially my friend.

Damn it. :pals:

[MissHoneychurch]

21. ...

:pals:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

23. That does it!

German people are not the antichrist!

[Runcible Spoon]

5. sweetie, I'm just a tad bit taller than you...124 was really too thin anyway!

your weight is nothing shocking or disgusting! :hug:

[Runcible Spoon]

3. you don't need to do anything but love yourself.

and you're beautiful! I know I get freaked out when I see people I haven't seen in many years, but ya know what? Most people are scared themselves and just want to be accepted and appreciated. If you go forth and greet him with confidence and cheer, that's what you're gonna get back!

[QueenOfCalifornia]

6. I heart you

for such a kind message. I am so freaked out.

I sent the picture I posted here in my OP to him and a warning. How fucked up is that? I do not want to be hurt. My husband and my kids understand because I have told them this shit. My best friends get it. But these long time away people, they expect me to be when I was runway-model-material. FUCK. I am so stressed out.

I remember this guy talking about fat people, how much he hated them... Now, I am one. It is so crazy.

I am crying right now as I write this. It is so painful.

[Runcible Spoon]

9. he's probably greying or balding, or got a potbelly himself.

even if he's the picture of perfection physically, there's probably some drug addiction, painful divorce, or some other shame. We've all got them. If he really "hated"fat people he was probably just using that as a mask for his own insecurity and inability to value anything below surface appearances. If he still "hates" people who are not size 4, then the best revenge is to be comfortable in your own skin.

Besides, your youth lives through your children. My mother was physically gorgeous when she was younger, but put on so much weight from having all FOUR of us she almost lost mobility. She just lost over 100 lbs and had her knee replaced. But her daughters are here for her to look upon, and she has sacrificed a piece of her youth for our existence. She is still the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and when she smiles her face drops 40 years. I'm tearing up here! :hug:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

12. Oh shit,

your message just made me cry.

Damn it.

:pals:

[MissHoneychurch]

13. Wonderful post

:hug:

[KitchenWitch]

60. OMG, I am crying here.

:hug:

[From The Ashes]

15. His attitude may have changed...

...hell, by now he may be fat. If he hasn't changed his attitude, say 'your loss.' and move on. Just remember, there are lots of people who don't give a flying fig if you're no longer Twiggy. :shrug:

[elshiva]

7. "Whatever you are that is what I like." -Nadia in American Pie 2

If they don't like you now, it's because of them, not you. Being friends with people is not about looks, but about who you really are. If they don't like you now, they are shallow.

I hope it goes well for you. I am a fat woman, too. If you want, you can pm me.

:hug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

8. Anyone who 'hates' you, or changes their opinion of you at all

because you gained weight isn't worth your friendship.

Think about it — would you do that to someone else? How would you expect them to feel about you if you did?

I'm willing to bet these people won't react the way you think they will. But, if they do, kick 'em to the curb.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

14. God damn it

YOU are not supposed to be nice to me!!!!!

(I love you so much)

[Oeditpus Rex]

16. *facescrunch*

Why not? :shrug:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

19. I don't know

Maybe because I was busy eating? Just kidding.

You are invited over to my place.

xoxo

[Oeditpus Rex]

20. Wewt!

What time? :bounce:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

22. Come on

JUst call me. I am serious.

PM me you goof ball. But be warned! You will be surrounded by kittahs and chihuahuas! Plus kids with Rockband and barbeque and margaritas. Not to mention the husband!!!!!

I love you for being so nice.

You can come over any time. Serious.

[Oeditpus Rex]

24. I dunno where you live

Somewhere in SoCal, yeah? :shrug:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

25. San Diego, come on over!

If you come over... You have to meet the husband....

Do you like FEDS with your salad?

But the cat and dog.... they are really easy.

[Oeditpus Rex]

27. Hey, that's only like 450 miles

:crazy:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

47. Sooooo.

When you feel like driving, come on down. It's nice here on Gilligan's Island!

[QueenOfCalifornia]

26. Dupe

dee-dupe

[elshiva]

18. Right on!

:)

[Guava Jelly]

28. This reminded me of a video someone posted here sometime ago

http://youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA

If he is truly a friend, you could be a Leper and he wouldn't care.
Don't be so hard on yourself and don't let others define who you are.
You are a Pretty Lady and being smart as well.. :thumbsup: Bonus!

[Blue_Tires]

40. great vid

[av8rdave]

29. You're very attractive

Even if that weren't the case, what is there to be ashamed of. We are who we are. People who can't see beyond the superficial ARE superficial.

[Heidi]

30. Shame and guilt are highly over-rated. You're a beautiful woman.

I know that feelings are tricky things, but I can't see or think of any reason why you should feel ashamed. (Is it the light, or do you just have naturally flawless skin?)

:loveya:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

46. !

xoxo
:hi:

[ccharles000]

31. You are beautiful.

[BlueIris]

32. If he really is your friend, he won't care.

So, no, I wouldn't "warn" him.

[Callalily]

33. I can understand your stress,

but as posters said above, if this guy is your friend, looks should not matter. I would suspect that you would not judge him by his looks, please give him the benefit of the doubt.

Have the meeting and enjoy catching up.

Wishing you a great time with your old friend.

[raptor_rider]

34. You need to be comfortable with who and what

you are. You look fine to me. Shoot, I used to wear a size 5, then I got pregnant with my daughter. It took 6 years of struggling with my weight and finally got back down to a size 9. Met my husband in the process of loosing the weight (once again!) Got pregnant after 1 year of marriage and after I had son 1, two months after, I got pregnant again with son 2. The baby just turned one and my middle one just turned 2 and I have gotten down to what I was before I got pregnant with the baby. 1 year out and have only lost 35 pounds. My husband does not care what I look like, he loves me for who and what I am. Not my figure. I tell him I am fat and a cow and he just grabs me can calls me his sexy mama.
You friend, if he loves you for who and what you are, will not see weight, but the good person that he has in front of him.

[MissMillie]

35. Is this friend of yours really THAT superficial?

First of all, I think you're very pretty.

Second of all, if you have a problem w/ your weight, then I'm sure you know that you can try a number of things to make a difference.

But I beg you, please, don't HATE yourself because of your weight. And don't let people into your life who will HATE you because of your weight.

There's nothing healthy about that.

[Bombero1956]

36. you're a gorgous woman

and you have value as a mom, wife and friend regardless of your size. If he chooses to look down on you because you gained weight then the loss is his.

[bertha katzenengel]

37. Oh, Gilligan.

Don't warn them. It shouldn't matter to your friends.

You are a very beautiful woman. Embrace yourself.

:hug:

PS I'm fat, too.

[mainegreen]

38. So you got fat. Who knows, maybe they got bald.

Or hairy. Or their eyebrows bushed out and now sport a hairy caterpillar unibrow!

99% of us aren't going to look 16 our whole life.

[southpaw]

39. You Are Beautiful!!!

If your 'friend' has a problem with the way you look... well. He doesn't deserve to be called 'friend.'

[Sugar Smack]

41. Well, speaking as someone who "fell in love" with

your posts- your attitude, your humor & style, and your big-freaking-brain, I see you're also beautiful. That *something*, your weight, has made you feel insecure. I know all of us who feel we've been as honest as we could in correspondence also feel we've left something out.

Once in a while, it hits me that WE AGE. OMG! OMG,OMG! It's like you could look at your friend, forget about the weight-inspired-social-aesthetic-canon for just a sec and think "OMG, he's OLD" which shouldn't be shocking, but it always is. When I see someone I haven't seen in a while, it's like I feel I should be some streamlined advanced model of what I used to be. Oh yeah, who also has her shit together.

Anyway, we all thought for the longest time YOU WERE A GUY. :P Best wishes, my friend. :loveya:

[MissMillie]

43. we age?

dammit, I thought I was going to skip that one.




SS... :yourock:

[Sugar Smack]

44. Heh, I'd thought I was immune to that one, too.

:pals: Thank you.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

59. Yes...

He has aged. But guess what? Me too. Age is not an issue.

He isn't even the PROBLEM. It's how I am feeling.

[ThatsMyBarack]

42. If he doesn't accept you now,....

That's HIS loss. You are a knockout! :loveya:

[easttexaslefty]

45. You're beautiful just like you are

[Sheets of Easter]

48. If they'd hate you for being overweight, then they're not friends.

I think you're just freaking out over seeing some people you haven't seen in a long time. I'm a big guy, and not at all confident with the way I look, so I do the exact same thing.

By the way, there is nothing at all wrong with the way you look. :thumbsup:

[BarenakedLady]

49. I understand

My 20th (actually 21st) reunion was just last month. I didn't go. I was too uncomfortable with my size. Like I should care what people I haven't seen in 2 decades would think.

:shrug:

:hug:

ps. You look beautiful to me.

[El Pinko]

50. Having been 100 lbs overweight once myself...

...I think you're making too big a deal of it. When I was fat, I was okay with how I looked.

I suppose it is different for women, with all the pressure to be rail-thin, which sucks, but I dunno, who cares? Most of America is really fat nowaways.

I have since gotten all the weight off, but it requires eternal vigilance to keep it off, and that is not for everyone. I enjoyed the time when I was fat. I ate and drank in a way that was uninhibited.

I guess that's the main thing, is to enjoy life, fat or thin.

By the way, from the photo, you don't look all that astoundingly fat, certainly not a "cow", and in fact are quite pretty.

I wouldn't warn them, but when you do meet, you could make a little joke "yeah, I put on a few pounds" But really, most people have put on a few lbs.

Let them know you are comfortable in your own skin, whatever size it is.

[Samurai_Writer]

51. You have to be comfortable with yourself...

and really, anyone who rejects you because of your size is not worth knowing. Considering he cheated on you while you were dating him, that tells me a lot about his character, too. I wouldn't get my hopes up about him... while it's possible for people to dramatically change, it's rare.

Now... I want you to look in the mirror, and say in a confident voice, "I am beautiful. I am intelligent. Anyone would be lucky to count me as their friend."

I have just posted something a bit similar here:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7932443

I was 5'11" and 120 pounds when I knew this guy 32 years ago. Now I'm 5'10" and 260 pounds. But you know what? It doesn't matter. It's what's inside that counts... the good memories you have of that person, and the feelings you have for them now.

Here's me... at 15... and at 47. By the way, my friend found me on classmates.com. He said he knew from my /current/ photo who I was. That I looked 'just the same'.

[NJmaverick]

52. A few thoughts

Being over weight is not something you should be ashamed of

A true friend or someone you would want to spend time with, would not "hate you" because you have put on some weight

If it bothers you, then yes let him know you put on some weight

Odds are your friend has also put on some weight

[crimanimalz]

53. who cares what others think? if ur not happy.. change

[Serial Mom]

54. I too am fat,

and feel discrimated against many times - it makes me unhappy some days, but in the end, I try smiling more each day and look at the good things that have happened to me - great kids, beautiful grandkids, a pleasant life-style and not many, but a few close friends who accept me.

“It isn’t what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about.” - Dale Carnegie

Sending positive thoughts!

[Fran Kubelik]

55. Oh yeah, I think you are me.

I got nothing but this: :hug:

I avoid old friends too. I hate hate hate this.

How about we both pledge not to be resigned to it? I've started riding my bike everywhere (even though I feel like a cow on it). I'd be happy to be your codependent cheerleader via PM if you want.

Signed,
just like you

[SidneyCarton]

56. So, what's the problem?

No, really, you look fine, anyone who would tell you differently needs to see an optometrist.

[Lorien]

57. Many of my friends have gotten fat over the years

and it never changed the way I felt about them. I admit that there were a couple I didn't recognize at first because the change was so dramatic, but as soon as we started talking they seemed exactly like the person I used to know, sometimes even better because they had matured a bit. The only time that I've been upset by another person's weight gain was the last time that I saw my father, but he has put on so much extra weight that he can barely walk now, and he's perpetually covered in sweat because of the strain it's putting on his body. I have a good reason for worry there, since he already has a pacemaker and diabetes. But everyone else? Nope, not an issue.If someone is going to actually dislike you because you are heavier then they weren't worth much to begin with! And old? How old are you, 35? Maybe closing in on 40 at the latest. That's hardly "old"! Your posts are always interesting and insightful, and that trumps a few extra pounds every time.

[alarimer]

58. He will either accept you as you are or not.

If not, then you do not need him as a friend. Period.

[KitchenWitch]

61. Gilligan, FWIW I think you are beautiful

You are also smart, compassionate, funny, and I love posting in here with you!

:hug:

BTW I used to be rail thin until I had my son 17 years ago. Now I am chubby.

[SeaLyons]

62. Gilligan, I think you're beautiful....

as you are, and so will your friend. I bet he's gained 150 pounds since you saw him.

[Skittles]

63. you have nothing to be ashamed of

I think you look wonderful