Need some advice I think

[1awake]

This is how my days usually start...

When I wake up, I do so multiple times. At least 3 to 4 times beginning around 500am. Since I tend to go to sleep around 300am (don't know why) it sometimes creates a problem. When I wake, with in 10 seconds, I begin to feel a sense of dread. This dread is not focused on any one thing, but almost the accumulation of possibilities that any given day might lead to negatively. All day, I carry around an ache in the pit of my stomach that while it comes and goes, it never truly goes away completely.

I hate my job. It's not a bad job, but I, and this may sound harsh.. cannot continue to deal with other peoples problems anymore. It's to the point where instead of being a Therapist, I almost relish the thought of working at someplace like Walmart where I wouldn't have to think. I love people (from afar) but I'm what people call "burnt".

I do not hang out with friends anymore, haven't in over a year. I know there are things that need done, but I don't seam to care enough to do them... actually, I don't seam to care about much these days. I'm NOT suicidal, but not sure I care much for living either. People say I'm depressed, but I've never seen myself as depressed in a clinical sense, or maybe because it's me, I don't recognize it. When I try to think of those I should care about, I feel oddly removed, except in reference to my children.

I'm considering going back and finishing my Master's and change my life as much as I can. It will be hard, but I don't know what else I can do to change how I'm feeling. If I sound nuts I'm sorry. But any advice on this, or in general would be helpful.


~1awake :scared:

[Breeze54]

1. Why do you go to sleep at 3 AM? How many hrs do you actualy sleep?

There was a study published recently that said people who sleep
less than 8 hours are/can be depressed due to lack of sleep.

Have you talked to a Dr about it yet?

[1awake]

18. I normally sleep

approx 3 - 4 hours a night. It's been that way since I worked for the state in LE. If I have nightmares, I don't remember them.

[Breeze54]

22. That's not enough sleep, as you know.

Please see your Dr. :hug:

[Breeze54]

2. When's the last time you did something nice for yourself and have you learned to say NO!

to others seeking advice?! I don't mean in a mean way but it sounds like some people
use you as a crying shoulder and you need to learn you can't fix them. Just say, "No!!" ;)

Take care of yourself. :hug: Take a vacation! Go have some fun for yourself!!! :D

[Inchworm]

3. too man freakin werds

I want to give silly insight :P

I'll try again :D

:hi:

[Oeditpus Rex]

4. Depression manifests in many forms

and you've mentioned a few.



Since medical advice is frowned upon here, I'll just say, "Please see your doctor and tell him/her what you've told us."

[skooooo]

9. yup good advice

[zanne]

25. I know that feeling of dread upon awakening...

I'm in therapy for depression and anxiety. I'm quite functional and people I know wouldn't guess that I was feeling this way. It doesn't affect my work, but it's there, all right.

Even a therapist can get depressed and not recognize it. Hope I didn't upset you,iawake, but I hope you see a doc before it gets worse.

[LeftyFingerPop]

5. Some non-professional advice

Early awakening syndrome is a classic symptom of depression, and was my first clue that something was not quite right with me.

Everything else you describe seems to be classic depressive symptoms, especially the fact that you have removed yourself from friendships.

You make a very astute observation when you mention that you may not recognize that you are depressed because you may not be able to recognize your OWN symptoms.

I turned into a basket case after several months of steadily going downhill, and I STILL could not recognize that I had depression.

You probably know that depression is not sadness, but rather, an illness that manifests itself with a collection of signs and symptoms, several of which you have mentioned in your OP.

Please see someone to get evaluated. If it is indeed depression, it is certainly controllable, once it is diagnosed.

Good luck...sending you my best wishes.
:hug:

[Inchworm]

6. deep, but that was my first read

I dint wanna say what you did off the golf club, cause I berzzed.

Good post..

Hello, I am Inchworm

hic!!...

:hi:

[LeftyFingerPop]

10. Evening Inchy!

:hi:

[Inchworm]

12. shhhhhhh

I'm tryin to be series!!!111

:patriot:









*giggle*
:rofl:

[1awake]

19. thanks.

I hate making posts like this because I feel like I'm whining, but it's coming to a head lately.

[SPKrazy]

7. How are you a "therapist" without a master's degree?

I know that in my state, one must have a master's degree to practice as a "therapist" (social work, counseling, psychology)

Would getting your master's make you in a better position? If so how?

I think that mental health paraprofessionals (what non-masters degreed mental health workers are called here) work very hard in some situations where they are essentially working with people that are not amenable to "therapy" and are instead being taught life skills and given a place to socialize and check in with the staff. Hard work is what I'd call that.

Being burnt, also known as "compassion fatigue" needs to be taken seriously. You may be putting yourself at risk, others at risk, etc. A hobby, exercise, clinical supervision (I hope you are getting that in your setting) and therapy might be indicated.

Mental health workers are not good judges of whether they are mentally ill or meet the criteria for depression. My guess is that you indeed would meet criteria for a good case of dysthymia and possibly major depressive illness. I don't diagnose online so go to a professional where you live. Meds might be useful.

At any rate, take care of yourself. Lack of sleep is only going to make things worse.

:pals:

[Inchworm]

14. for some drunken reason I cannot read that post

He/She needs a boost but that's alls I know.

Hope you catch/do whats right hehe

:*

[SPKrazy]

26. you talking to me???

:P




:rofl:

[1awake]

15. You are right,

but you can here if you are partnered with someone who has a Masters for specific types of services. In anycase, no, I am thinking of going for a Master's in something totally not related to the field I have been in.

I honestly never considered Dysthymia, but I think if anything that appears to fit. Thanks for your thoughts, truly.

[KitchenWitch]

8. Please go see your doctor.

Losing interest in your life and your friendships is a worrying sign.

[Radio_Lady]

11. Hi 1awake -- It sounds as if you've reached a plateau in your life, and

you may need to speak to someone about it. I'm 69 and can vouch for the fact that anyone who can say, "I hate my job" on an open forum like this would probably be an apt candidate for some career counseling, at the very least. My husband, who just turned 74, has been through many life and career crises, and so have I. There are points in time when you might be energized by speaking with someone who has adequate training for this sort of thing.

You speak about "facing people's problems" and being a "therapist" -- that doesn't jibe with your profile description of your current job.

Perhaps more education would be helpful. But I'd need more information on what you see as the purpose of that education.

Other important inputs from you (to a counselor, not me):

Physical considerations: What's the sleep problem got to do with it? Do you need some short-term antidepressant treatment? Waking up with dread and sleeping only a few hours a night -- those are worrisome red flags. Get to the bottom of this even if you aren't suicidal.

Career stuff: What is holding you back from exploring your goals? Or different goals? Have you ever read a copy of the famous book, "What Color Is Your Parachute?" It has helped both my husband and myself at various times.

Family status: You have friends but now you are drawn back from them. Why is that? How old you are -- what about married/single/divorced? You mention children -- are they tiny kids or adults? Are your parents or grandparents in the picture?

One thing I've found helpful is just making a current list of the things that are going on with myself right now. Helps to focus on the present.

This is just off the top of my head and I apologize for the "mind dump".

Just remember there are those of us who have gone through these spells and come out the other side in better shape. Life is a big challenge and you've hit a bump in the road or maybe a plateau. But it's not the END of the road.

Warm regards,

Lady Ellen of Alpen Knoll

[1awake]

16. thanks for your response,

You speak about "facing people's problems" and being a "therapist" -- that doesn't jibe with your profile description of your current job.

- I'm sorry, I do what I put in my profile on the side. I'm a little reserved in what I tell people until I feel safe in a community, especially in profiles.


Perhaps more education would be helpful. But I'd need more information on what you see as the purpose of that education.

- The purpose would be to change directions in my life and begin a new career.


Physical considerations: What's the sleep problem got to do with it? Do you need some short-term antidepressant treatment? Waking up with dread and sleeping only a few hours a night -- those are worrisome red flags. Get to the bottom of this even if you aren't suicidal.

- Agreed.


Career stuff: What is holding you back from exploring your goals? Or different goals? Have you ever read a copy of the famous book, "What Color Is Your Parachute?" It has helped both my husband and myself at various times.

- I am a single parent of 3 kids. It doesnt leave much time for work and school. Might need to do part-time somewhere so I can go back to school. I never heard of that book, but I'll check into it.


Thank you for your words of encouragement. They are much appreciated.

[Kali]

13. I don't think going back to school in your state would be a good idea.

Sure sounds like classic laymans interpretation of depression to me. Are you on any meds? (didn't read whole thread yet, sorry - but academia and depression...:scared: )

[1awake]

17. I understand,

but I thrived in college finding it not so much as being hard, but good experience. School always came fairly easy to me I guess.

[Kali]

20. thriving is good...

so I take it back! :D
Still, the recs above to get a check up - do it!

[grasswire]

21. a single parent of three? I'm depressed just thinking about it!

Do you have someone to share the caregiving?

At the times in my life when I woke up with dread every morning, there was really reason to dread each day. I had a lot of problems to deal with. As soon as I awakened my mind went through the trouble list for the day.

As the problems eased up, so did that dread. But it was almost a decade.

Are the things causing your dread identifiable? Are you able to function with each day's tasks?

[Kickin_Donkey]

23. It sounds like you have classic symptoms of clinical depression ...

Please see a professional. You know you can't diagnose yourself.

[zippy890]

24. sound like me

i have chronic major affective depression. for 23 years. the only thing that helps me right now is medication to sleep.

i also work in social services and dread my job everyday because i haven't been feeling well and cannot deal with other people's emotional shit. its all i can do to get through the day.

working with my doc on new meds. at least if you can find something so yo can sleep- that is so important.

good luck
:hug: