A dog and cat diary

[gatorboy]

Normally I avoid the cutesy emails but this one was just too darn funny.


DOG DIARY:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


CAT DIARY:

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Jerks!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously an idiot.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

[latebloomer]

1. It's a great one!

Unfortunately, it's been circulating for YEARS- I guess that's why you didn't get any responses.

[gatorboy]

2. Maybe we should switch names.

:P

Anyone seen this new movie called the Godfather? It's great!

[latebloomer]

3. Well, then I'd have to get a sex change, too

so I guess not.

[fizzgig]

4. that one never fails to crack me up

:)

[lildreamer316]

6. Actually it would be cool if someone updated it with a LOLcat.

Gonna have to work on that...

[Biscottiii]

5. Never fails to give me a giggle too, no matter how many times I've seen it!

[Heidi]

7. You will love this: "I am Henri. I am a black cat . . ."

(With a big thank you to the fellow Mod who shared this with me. :thumbsup: )

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=0M7ibPk37_U