Before we begin the weakly PRESS CONFERENCE a few announcements

[underpants]

First I think we all can rejoice in the huge upsurge in manufacturing jobs that we now are expecting as those in the retail food industry are about to finally be recognized for their contribution to our economy.

I would like to clarify that the 3 members of the military that we have sent to Haiti to help secure that nation's future should in no way be construed as nation building and rest assured that it has not changed our focus on the contining spread of democracy.

And finally we would like to congratulate those who have NOT lost their virginity.

Okay I don't see the hat so I am assuming that Newsman Matt Drudge is not here so.....uh let's start over here....go ahead....