The Adventures of Bush and Rove

[scottcsmith]

Today's Episode:
Back to the Future!

Bush and Rove, Bush and Rove
Two wacky guys on the political road
Bush and Rove, Bush and Rove
One is stupid, the other is Rove
Bush and Rove, Bush and Rove
Lowerin' taxes for millionaire row
Bush and Rove, Bush and Rove
Buddies forever
Oh yeah!

In today's Very Special Episode, we travel back in time to 1968!

We are inside the headquarters of the HOUSTON AIR NATIONAL GUARD. Inside an office sits STAFF SGT. MYERS. The sign on his door says PROCTOR.

MYERS is looking over a stack of papers. He hears a KNOCK at his door. Looking up, he sees it's an Air Force CAPTAIN.
Myers stands up at attention.
Captain: You must be Myers. At ease, sit down, as you were. I'm Captain Williams.
Myers: Yes, sir. He sits, and Williams pulls up a chair.
Williams (pointing to stack of paperwork): Are those the pilot aptitude tests?
Myers: Yessir. I've just finished grading a stack.
Williams: Do you have an applicant there named Bush?
Myers: Let me check (sifts through papers). Just one. Bush, George W.
Williams: That's the one. How'd he do?
Myers: Well, sir, he scored 25 out of 100. That's our minimum cut-off. I have 500 applicants, and Bush just doesn't make the cut.
Williams: About Bush...
Myers: Yes, sir?
Williams: He's a VIP.
Myers (incredulously): What? He is? Who is he?
Williams: He's the son of Congressman George H.W. Bush.
Myers: Yes, sir?
Williams: We received a phone call today. The word is Bush's daddy wants him in the Guard, flying jets.
Myers: Flying jets???
Williams: Yes, sergeant.
Myers: But he's not qualified!
Williams: Yes, but he's a Bush.
Myers: Sir, take a look at his test. MYERS hands Williams the test.
Williams: Okay.
Myers: There's an essay question. "Why do you want to fly jets in the Texas Air Guard?"
Williams: Yes.
Myers: Read Bush's response, sir.
Williams (quoting): "I wanna fly cause chicks dig a jet jockey."
Myers: Look at the questions he got wrong! "What kind of fuel does the F102 use?" And he just responded with "Italy."
Williams: Well...
Myers: He didn't even spell his own name correctly!
Williams: Okay, Myers.
Myers: He didn't get any of the math questions right.
Williams: Yes, but...
Myers: Sir, he states on the form "I wanna fly the jets so I don't have to shoot a shotgun and go to Nam."
Williams: What?
Myers: Sir, according to his score, the only position he's qualified for is 'human shield' or cook.
Williams: I'm sure he'll do fine in pilot training, Myers. So, put him at the head of the pack. That's an order.
Myers: Sir, please, he thinks you operate a jet like Fred Flintstone driving his car, by running until the jet reaches "Mach 8" as Bush put it.
Williams: You have your orders, sergeant.
Myers: For the question "Have you ever used drugs" he replied "I've never 'used' drugs." He put 'used' in quotations.
Williams: I know, I know, but the call came in from the Texas Speaker of the House and we're going to do what they say.
Myers: Please reconsider, sir. I brought a chimpanzee in here and let him just mark the test, and he scored 35.
Williams: Just do it, sergeant.
WILLIAMS stands and leaves the office.
Myers takes Bush's TEST and puts it on the top of his stack. He holds up a photograph. It's a chimpanzee.
Myers: Bubbles, it shoulda been you.