'Baptists Invoking God's Old Testament Standards' or B.I.G.O.T.S.

[Cannikin]

(Warning: SATIRE!!!)
http://www.bettybowers.com/bigots.html
As Baptists, we all know that God created us in His image. So, it is only fair that we turn around and graciously extend the same courtesy to other humans. This is why Southern Baptists everywhere have embraced the glorious crusade of forcing everyone to be just like us --- and making life difficult for those who willfully refuse to give up their so-called "identities."

We started off on a small scale, sending pamphlets to Jews and Hindus on their so-called "holy" days, crisply informing them with Christian love that the they were damned for eternity. Were these poor, lost souls grateful for us taking time out of our busy day to let them know they were going straight to Hell? Hardly! Truly, the unsaved can be so discourteous.

Well, our Godly mission for complete conformity will weather an uncivil rebuff! True Christians everywhere have now turned their attention to forcing homosexuals to try to act like real people. As you may recall, Mrs. Bowers' friends at Focus Group on the Family recently placed full-page ads in national newspapers supporting Ex-Gay Ministries. The original headline was going to be "We're lying for the truth that homosexuals can change," but the floor was absolutely filthy, so we changed the headline to "We're standing for the truth that homosexuals can change."

While Mrs. Bowers applauds Focus Group on the Family's noble effort to make sure that people who only think they are happy know that they are actually utterly inconsolable, she doesn't believe that this ad campaign goes nearly far enough. That is why she and her brothers and sisters in faith at Landover Baptist are pleased to announce their new crusade to make yet one more minority just like us: the Ex-Negro Ministry.

I am asking for tax-deductible love offerings to help run our new full-page ad in every newspaper in the country!
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BOTH ADS APPEAR BELOW
Click on Focus Group on the Family's ad for a link to the text for their Ex-Gay ad: Click on the Betty Bowers Ministry ad for a link to an Acrobat file of the Ex-Negro ad:

[BR_Parkway]

1. Love God, goddammit!

I never have been able to figure out that logic.

Actually, the scariest part is if we were to actually run that ad in a newspaper, how many people would be "right on, amen brother"

[Cannikin]

6. kick

[peekaloo]

2. Praise!

Her latest newsletter made me cry.

[DuctapeFatwa]

3. ROFL! Isn't that Bob Barr?

I had heard that he used to be black.

[citizen snips]

4. Hey I am southern baptist!

But we are not all bigots.

[Cannikin]

5. I'm a GAY southern Baptist.. Imagine how fun my life is!

I dont know why I CHOSE this lifestyle. (the chose part was a joke of course.)

[TheMightyFavog]

7. That FotF ad.....

I seem to recall MAD Magazine doing a brilliant lampoon of that very ad a few years back.

I can't find it though.

I do know, howeve that it's from MAD #337, for those of you with MAD collections.