Just said goodbye to a friend who drank himself to death... in secret.

[Frank Cannon]

He was a warm, caring, sensitive man who was also one of the most intelligent and witty people I've ever known. He would give the shirt off his back to anyone at any time. He was a terrific guy that I kept meaning to call over the past year, but I was just too busy--work and stuff. And now he's gone.

He was a "secret alcoholic". Not even most of his own family knew that he had a problem. I'm not even sure his wife knew. I certainly didn't have a clue about it, as he was one of the most competent and hardworking people I've ever had the pleasure to work with. (Well, I might have had a clue. Having had my own problems in the past, I think I might have suspected, but I thought it too forward or disruptive of me to say anything or think too much about it.) The first real sign that anyone had that something was seriously wrong was when he was admitted to the hospital with liver failure, and then just a few days later he was dead.

He was only 35 years old. He leaves a young wife who is absolutely, inconsolably devastated, and a great number of family and friends who are crushed and bewildered.

I'm not typing all this for sympathy, but as a kind of public service message. I know a lot of you out there like to partake recreationally in drugs and/or alcohol, and most of you don't have a problem with it. That's your business. But I'm going to ask you all, if you would, to go without your drug(s) of choice for five days. If you make it through that time without any problem, great. Either go back to it or decide if you still need it after all. But if you just can't make it for some reason, for God's sake, get some help. Or at the very least, TELL SOMEBODY.

Thanks.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

1. ummm....sorry to read this. May he rest in peace.

My condolences to his family.

[Frank Cannon]

3. Thanks.

He was a HUGE fan of Colbert and The Daily Show, about the only person I could talk about them with on a regular basis.

[yellowdogintexas]

2. we buried a good friend April 15 for the same reason.

he just couldn't stop drinking, even after suffering a bad round of pancreatitis back in Nov. He just couldn't stop or didn't want to. None of us will ever know what did or didn't motivate him in those last few months.

like your friend, he was the kindest, gentlest man, great sense of humor; BEST LAUGH I ever heard. Golfer who had the fortunate opportunity to play some of the world's great courses. Owned a full formal kilt he acquired in Scotland that he unabashedly wore at any given opportunity. (family buried him in the kilt) Loved his family, loved dogs, sucker for the ASPCA (all household pets came from pound/humane society). Generous, active in community good project stuff, unafraid to wear plaid pants to any occasion, loved a good joke.

very few of us knew how terribly ill he was; his dear sweet wife pretty much kept it low profile, as she put it "I always hoped he would pull out of it, and if he did then his dignity was preserved. If I told the world, his dignity was gone" So she did everything she could in the privacy of their relationship to get him to turn around but the rest of us did not know. It was a great shock to most of us.

I was his friend via our Sunday School class and we were good friends for 16 years. His daughters grew up with my daughter in choir and youth. He was our first class member to pass away also. The hole left in our lives is deep. I do not even want to think about how much the family misses him.

He was 54 years old.

I thank you for your PSA. I second your PSA!

[Frank Cannon]

7. I always thought people got "warnings" about these things

A round of pancreatitis. Maybe some liver pain. One or two busts for DUI. Enough time for someone to realize that things are terribly wrong and need to be straightened out, with hope for an eventual happy ending.

I think of all drugs in existence, alcohol is one of the absolute worst. It makes no sense to me that it is one of our only legal recreational drugs. But then, we tried to ban it at one time, and that didn't work out too well.

[Maestro]

4. Sorry to hear this and my condolences especially to his young

wife. 35 years old is way too young. Any sort of drug be it alcohol or other in large doses is bad. People need to be careful and use them in moderation if they are going to use alcohol and drugs.

May he rest in peace now.

[Frank Cannon]

5. I think the problem is, many people don't know what moderation is

They think that as long as they're not having health problems or DUIs and they're performing fine at work, they're okay. When in the meantime, they really are killing themselves.

And also, it's kind of a slippery slope. I don't think any alcoholic can tell you the day they went from drinking a couple of beers a week to a fifth of whiskey a day. Something just happens in the meantime.

[Maestro]

6. Good point.

I guess that is why there are interventions for those who do not see this.

[applegrove]

8. I quit smoking today so your post is pertinent to me. I don't want to die

a horrible lung death.

[PassingFair]

16. Good luck, Applegrove.....

I quit 5 years ago, and if I can do it....

Just remember that smoking will NOT make
the cravings go away, it will just satisfy
you for a couple of minutes, and then the
cravings will come back EVEN STRONGER.

The longer you stay away from tobacco, the
lesser the cravings will be.

:)

[Skittles]

17. another thing to know is

those cravings really don't last that long - if you can ride them out they're not constant

[applegrove]

20. Yup I'm on Champix so they really are not that bad. Thanks for the encouragement.

[applegrove]

19. Thanks for your sage advice.

[graywarrior]

9. Functional alcoholics are the toughest to recognize and present the most danger

to themselves. I am so sorry for your loss. I hear so many people in recovery say they never even realized that alcohol was their problem until they either got arrested, got sick, got divorced, lost or their kids or job.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. My dear Frank Cannon...

What devastating news...

It's almost like a suicide...

My deepest condolonces to you and to everyone who knew and loved him...

Safe passage to him...

:hug:

[Frank Cannon]

12. Thank you for that

It was such a horrible, horrible waste.

One thing's for sure: From this day forward, if I even have an inkling that a friend has a problem, I'm going to bring the subject up with them. To hell with the consequences.

[Elidor]

11. So sorry about your friend

My best friend is watching a lifelong friend of hers drink herself to death, and no one knows how to approach her about it. She's built many walls to keep people out. What can you do? Life is theirs to throw away, I guess. It's sad to watch people destroy themselves and be powerless to help.

[Frank Cannon]

15. I don't know which is harder

Watching someone destroying themselves and being powerless to do anything about it, or being completely cold-cocked by their death and finding out they've been suffering in silence for who knows how long. Either way, it just sucks.

[SPKrazy]

13. A good friend of mine who I only suspected might have a problem

now has 8 mos of sobriety...

I'm sorry about your friend, and the family and loved ones he leaves behind

I've seen way too many people in my life die from alcoholism.

way too many.

I'm sober today because of the fact that when I read about people like your friend I realize that in 23 years, nothing has changed, alcohol will still kill my ass dead if I were to start drinking again.

My condolences to you and to his family, and I appreciate your sharing.

[yardwork]

14. Lost my father the same way. He was a little older but still much too young to die.

We knew that he drank a lot, but he was highly functional. Of course he insisted that he was fine. Then he went into organ failure and was dead within weeks.

I quit drinking myself two years later. There are so many of us - professional, "successful," seemingly happy and in control of our lives.

An old friend of mine told me she just quit. Nobody knew that after each day's hard work she went hope and drank herself to sleep. I just nodded. I understand.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Thank you for this thread.

[lildreamer316]

18. I do that voluntarily, all the time (go without..test myself)

Or I used to. I used to worry that being in the biz I was/am; that I was just fooling myself when I said I didn't have a drinking problem.
Then I just..stopped drinking one day.
For eight months.
Now, I know that I don't have a problem. But it is always good to kinda 'test' yourself to see if you can make it.