When you visit someone else's house, do you put glasses on their wood tabletops?

[LucyParsons]

Maybe my friends do this because they don't have real wood furniture, or their mothers weren't as anal about it as mine was, but everytime they come over, they start putting sweaty glasses all over my nice, solid wood, midcentury tabletops.

WTF?

I am poor. I was lucky enough to get this furniture second-hand from a relative, and really love and appreciate it, and do not have the money or expertise to expertly refinish it. Tonight, one of my friends was making cocktails on my tabletop, no napkins, no cutting board, no placemats, nothing. He was spilling bourbon and lemon juice and ice on my table, and setting wet bottles and lemons (!) down on it. I said, "Wanna do that over here in the kitchen?" and made a gesture indicating I would move some of the utensils on the countertop (where I was making pasta). He said, "No, this is cool, I'll stick with the table." After every round of drinks, I got out the pledge and rags and cleaned the tabletop. Then we went out to the pool. Everyone has now left, and I came in to find the expected full trashcan and piled up sink (I don't have a dishwasher, either), but was only upset to find a bunch of fresh rings all over my dining table. These guys (and some girls) also put their sodas, water, whatever, straight down on my coffee and end tables, even though there are both coasters and magazines!!! WTF?!?!?!

/vent

[succubus.blues]

1. That sucks.

That's just plain rude. I hope those water rings come out. I always ask what to do, use a coaster, or if it's no big deal or what because it's not my house and not my stuff.

[MonkeyFunk]

2. No, I don't.

And you shouldn't let your guests. It's your place! Just leave coasters out and act aghast when they put their drink down, and pick it up and throw a coaster under it.

[yardwork]

17. Yes, exactly.

I do that exact same thing. I really am appalled by people who do this. Were they literally raised in barns?

[flvegan]

3. Egads, no.

All it should usually take is a, "here, let me get that" where you then put a coaster under a beverage to one guest. It's a lesson. If they fail to get it then they're heathens and deserve to be shouted at.

[LeftyMom]

4. Hell no. The ghost of my grandmother would materialize and slap me upside the head

If I can't find a coaster, I'll fashion one out of a napkin or paper towel, unless it's a surface I'm sure of, like glass or melamine.

Start flinging coasters at your friends like ninja stars until they get the idea.

[Fox Mulder]

5. No.

I'll put my glass on any other type of tabletop, but not on wood.

[Whoa_Nelly]

6. Rub in mayo right away on those rings!

with a soft cloth, and add a spreaded layer on top of where you rubbed in the mayo.
Let sit for an hour or more, then rub in and wipe clean. You should be able to rub the rings out as you rub the set in mayo into the wood, and can repeat this process to further get rid of the rings.

Yes. Seems that people can sometimes be more careless with other people's things than they might never be with their own.

[Lil Missy]

7. Oh crap! At first I thought you were referring to eye glasses!

I was like, WTF? I can't find my ass with both hands without my glasses on, so I could not imagine dropping them off on a table during a visit.

I admit to being rather obtuse, with many "senior moments". :blush:

But I do know it is rude and inconsiderate to put a drink on a wood table without a coaster. I think you have a legitimate beef with that.

[khashka]

8. No that damages it

And I assume someone went to a great deal of trouble to make it or buy it. And that must be respected. I'll ask for a coaster or set it down on the kitchen counter. I can be a slob in my house, but I don't have that right in another person's house.

Khash.

[Pharlo]

9. No, not if there are coasters readily available.

If there are no coasters set out, I assume there is a protective coating on the tabletop.

If it bothers you that much, put something on the table to protect it. If you don't want to put a chemical coat on it, or tablecloths, try clear glass. Allows the beauty of the wood to come through and protects the table.

What I don't understand is while your friend was making the drinks why didn't you just say "I'd rather you didn't pour drinks over the table. Here, use the counter." Clear the space and have him work there. Once they started making drinks on that table, you pretty much indicated it was acceptable to place unprotected bottles and glasses there.

Honestly, once the host/hostess indicates that it is acceptable on a particular surface, the guests will act accordingly.

I do know that if a host or hostess comes out with the pledge can frequently while entertaining, I begin to feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. I generally tend to leave and not return.

Personally, I find someone saying to me "I would prefer drinks not be placed on the table without something to protect it" or "Please, put something on the table before putting your drink down" to be less insulting that seeing the Pledge can come out every 30 minutes.

You may agree, or disagree, but that's my take on the matter. Maybe it will help explain the mindset of some of your guests.

[LucyParsons]

12. I've told them repeatedly

They continually put their cans and glasses down on my wood surfaces, and every time they come over I say, "Can you please put that on a coaster? Thanks." and they reluctantly do so. Then, next time they come over, it's back to the rings. :grr:

[Gormy Cuss]

13. If your friends are that doltish, buy vinyl tablecloths and placemats to cover the wood.

That way you needn't worry about the rings.

[Twillig]

15. Stop asking them. Tell them.

You said you tell them, then you do so by:

"Can you please put that on a coaster?"

There's no need for 'can you.'

[LucyParsons]

18. Haha

Maybe this is some Southern grandmother coming out in me or something, but I think that it's clear from my tone when I say this that it's not a request.

[I Have A Dream]

32. That's exactly what I thought. She needs to *tell* them...

what to do. It's her home, and she deserves to have it be respected. If someone gets upset about it, that's too bad. (It's possible to be polite but very clear that what you're requesting is not optional.)

[My Good Babushka]

10. You're way too polite!

I would not tolerate people treating my stuff that way! Get classier friends. Or put tarpaulins over everything before they show up. Let them know what kind of filthy beasts you think they are. Savages.

[Zuiderelle]

11. Instead of suggesting he use the kitchen, you should have insisted.

I've never hesitated to pick up someone's drink and put something under it if someone sets it down on a table. It's incredibly rude of your friends to do what they did, but you need to insist that they respect your furniture.

[LucyParsons]

14. You're right

I'm usually an overly confrontational person, but sometimes my being a Southerner comes out and I am just too much of a pushover.

[Carnea]

16. You need better friends or worse furniture.

In the meantime cover your table with a dozen coasters or use a tablecloth.

[GOPisEvil]

19. If you have to ask more than once, get new friends.

The ones you have are dense, ill-mannered and self-absorbed. Plus they smell funny. ;)

[LucyParsons]

29. Can I borrow some of yours?

:hi:

[GOPisEvil]

38. I have friends?

News to me. :hi:

[skygazer]

20. Your "friends" are rude and you're a doormat

Blunt, aren't I? That's what you need to cultivate. Don't ask if they "want to" make cocktails in the kitchen - TELL THEM. As in, "Hey, that's my fine wood furniture you're spilling stuff all over - do that on the counter." Then physically move their stuff.

Don't pussyfoot around with the Pledge - open your mouth and be direct. Being a Southerner is no excuse - I never knew a Southern grandmother who'd let anyone get away with what you describe.

[harmonicon]

21. I do

That's what tables are for, in my book. As someone else has suggested, if it bothers you, you should have insisted. If we had a table that we didn't want mucked up when I was a kid, it was covered with a table cloth - coaster didn't exist in my family, and I always thought they were kind of crazy. I still don't understand why people don't want things set on their tables... I honestly don't get it. I just think that that's what they're for, and there will be some wear and tear that happens over time as with anything. Of course if someone asks, I'd use a coaster, but otherwise I wouldn't think about it.

[LucyParsons]

30. Wow, I guess you don't have any antique furniture.

:eyes:

[harmonicon]

33. nope

Well, I don't, but my family has some. My brother has a big old sideboard that was in our grand parents house that he likes a lot, but it was always something there to be used. Even antiques were old farm furniture and were there to be used. It's just how I was brought up. I respect that other people see furniture differently, but I don't understand it at all.

[LucyParsons]

36. I am sympathetic to what you're saying, because I had a nasty ex who

anytime I did ANYTHING to distrupt any of "his" (even though we'd been living together for four years) stuff, would go NUTS. Like, so far as scuffs to the paint on the walls, crumbs dropped on the floor, doors accidentally slammed. I argued then, too, that a home was to be LIVED IN. But that's my point here - I think respecting my furniture and at least trying to avoid defacing it, is basic courtesy. I want to USE it for the rest of my life. Any to enjoy the color and grain of the wood, which is increasingly harder to find, and afford.

[harmonicon]

37. makes sense

Of course you want your stuff to be used the way that you'd like. I can definitely understand why your ex is now your ex if you had those kind of arguments. Part of what I like about old things is that they can look old and lived in. I'm probably about as extreme as people come in this regard, but there are still certain things that I'm very particular about. I take my books very seriously, for instance, and can't stand when people fold corners to keep their place. I like for my books to remain in as good of shape as possible for the same reason that you like to keep your wooden furniture in good shape - so that you can enjoy it at a higher level for a longer period of time.

[hedgehog]

22. Some people never use coasters or napkins at home, so they will not

think to do it. Once you've made it clear that coasters are to be used, they are being rude if they continue to set drinks down on the table.


This reminds me of the first time we went over to meet my daughter's in-laws-to-be. My husband sat down on the couch and I had to grab him because he was about to automatically put his feet up on the coffee table. We do that at home all the time, but our opposite numbers run one of those households where everyone takes off their shoes at the door, so I expect that if my husband's feet had landed on the table things would have gotten a little tense!

[supernova]

23. No, it's rude

And it's almost impossible to get rid of a water stain once you have it.

[Schema Thing]

24. Only if I don't have a handy squirt tube of finish removing chemical

[grasswire]

25. COASTERS!!!

Get plenty of them. Place them everywhere.

I have the same trouble with guests. I watch now, and will pick up an errant glass and put a coaster underneath. Someone ruined an old steamer trunk that way, too. Hot wet coffee mug. Big white ring.

It's a class marker, IMO.

[GCP]

26. You have some really obnoxious 'friends'

I'd think twice about ever inviting them over again.
And if I did, I'd have a really nasty vinyl tablecloth in place - and if they asked about it, I'd tell them.

[Phentex]

27. only if the host did, but I always ask first...

I have some friends who just place it right on top. I assume the wood has been treated. Still, I tend to ask if it's okay.

But most of the time, coasters are available and I use one.

If it truly bothers you, you should have it covered up completely with a table cloth or something.

[ElsewheresDaughter]

28. jays'us NO

[LucyParsons]

31. When coasters, magazines, and placemats are already abundantly available, and ADULTS are over...

I don't think I should have to cover my lovely wood furntiure with tacky tableclothes. As if they're children. They're adults. I have this furniture because it's nice to look at, solid, and will not fall apart or decrease in value with age. I feel VERY LUCKY to be twentysomething and have solid wood furniture.

Yesterday my 12-year-old mentee came over. I gave her a Dr Pepper, in a glass, with ice, and turned to go get mine from the kitchen. When I came back, she had placed it on a coaster on the coffee table. I thanked her, and told her that some of my thirty-odd-year-old friends had been over the night before and didn't have the sense to do that, and she said, "That's RRRRUDE." She then proceeded to tell me that her grandmother would go nuts if she ever went to her house and put her glass on a wood tabletop. Also, she said I am a good driver.

hahahaha

[hippywife]

34. I've really stopped

wondering why adults do some of the stupid shit they do. It seems that being a grown up doesn't mean being grown up at all anymore.

[hippywife]

35. Not since I stopped hanging with drunks. n/t