Customer: "My wireless internet connection isn't working"

[ghostsofgiants]

Me: "Okay, well lets powercycle your modem and router first then we'll see if anything else needs to be done."

Customer: "Okay...now do I need my computer ON for any of this?"

x(

[Madrone]

1. I still say my favorite "dumbass lUSER" quote is this:

"It says click next. Now what do I do?"

:banghead: Handholding - it's not part of the job I miss. (I only answer phones anymore if noone else is available to do it first which = almost never)

[ghostsofgiants]

2. That's pretty bad.

But when you're trying to get an internet connection on a computer, that computer probably should be on.

Common sense is something that is in dangerously low supply, apparently.

[DarkTirade]

3. I remember the last time I had to deal with tech support

for something... back in the days of dial-up. The automatic installation software for my new ISP wasn't working, so I had to call and have them walk me through doing the settings manually and whatnot. When I told the guy I wasn't a moron, and I'd just do what he told me to do and not ask stupid questions, you could almost HEAR the sigh of relief on the other end. :P

Although my favorate tech support story is the one about the lady whose monitor malfunctioned every Wednesday around 1.

By the time tech support got there every time it was back to normal. They could never figure out what was going wrong. But every Wednesday around 1 it would start malfunctioning in some way and she'd give them a call.

Finally they decided to save man-hours and just send one tech support guy to stay in that office on Wednesday, all day. Just so he could see if he could figure out what was going on.

The morning went by, nothing fancy. Then around noon, she took her lunch break. When she was done eating lunch, she watered her plants. Just like she did every wednesday.

Including the one sitting on top of her monitor.

[ghostsofgiants]

4. Getting a customer who isn't a moron is one of the best feelings in the world.

[DarkTirade]

7. The only questions I asked were things like

"What numbers do I type in here?" and relevant things like that.

I was probably his fastest call all day. I think he wanted to stay on the phone longer just to get away from the stupid for an extra minute or two. Unfortunately, me NOT being a moron made it a quick and easy call. :P

[orleans]

19. is that a true story??? n/t

[DarkTirade]

22. Found it on a site that was a collection of stories from tech support

so I can't verify it's authenticity... but I've met people stupid enough to pull that off. :P

[Haole Girl]

5. Oh the stories I could share....

..but I'll be good. :hi:

[ghostsofgiants]

8. No, share!

:P

[Haole Girl]

11. I'll share just one...

Our on-line support desk used to have an employee (she retired in 2001) who would immediately ask, when the customer came on the line, "Ma'am/Sir...do you have your computer plugged it?!" She was hilarious! When I'd ask her if that was really necessary, she swore there were 3 or 4 people per day who didn't even have their comptuer plugged in but would call to ask why our website wouldn't work!

:rofl:

[ghostsofgiants]

12. Hahaha, that is great.

[Philipsanchez]

6. Lol

dumby.

[ghostsofgiants]

9. Word.

Welcome to DU!

[Mutley]

10. Alex, I'm gonna go with

"Who should not be allowed to have their own computer?"

[ghostsofgiants]

13. And that is correct, for 5,000 points.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

14. A friend in FL ran an ISP and received an email from a customer...

Stating her email wasn't working.

:banghead:

[krispos42]

15. You can get her in a logic box now

He/she can't prove that it's not working, so you can state that your fixed it!

:-)



At least the person wasn't using the mouse as a foot pedal. Or had the power strip plugged into itself.

[fizzgig]

16. some people are simply too stupid to live

but what i think is worse is inept IT people. when i'd have a problem with my computer at my old job, i'd close and restart whatever application was having the problem and then powercycle the machine if that didn't work (my dad did tech support for a few years and is now a network manager, so i know basic troubleshooting and how to talk with IT people).

if i was still having problems, i'd call IT and tell them what the problem was and what i'd done to try to resolve it. they would then tell me to close and restart the application and when i told them i'd already done it, all i would get is an 'oh...well shut down and restart the computer.' i'd have to tell them again that i'd already done it, at which point they'd tell me they had no idea what the problem was and they'd be by in a bit :banghead:

[ghostsofgiants]

17. My first call today was one of our techs actually.

Firstly they have their own line that they're supposed to call if they have any problems with the installation or whatever, but this guy couldn't get the modem to work for he life of him. I was like "Use a different modem." Problem solved.

I will admit though, I'll tell them to powercycle again even if they say they have just because I know they're mostly idiots who are too lazy to do anything so they lie about it.

[Madrone]

18. That's what I was just going to say.

People LIE. They think it can't be anything that easy and that YOU'RE the dumbass for suggesting something so simple will fix their problem. I can't tell you how many times I've told people that I understand and "believe" that they've already done it, but would they please do it again just to humor me. VIOLA. Problem solved. :rofl:

If I ever have to call support for anything I understand their automatic assumption that I lie too - so I just humor them.

[NewJeffCT]

20. Well, they could have meant for powercycling the modem & router

I know when calling tech support, I've been told to shut down my PC, then shut down the DSL modem & router - then, they tell me to first turn the modem back on and wait until 3 lights are on my DSL modem before turning the PC back on...

[ghostsofgiants]

21. No, they didn't mean that.

Their computer was already off just for the sake of being off and what should have been a 5-10 minute call took over 20 minutes.

[timtom]

23. Sounds terribly similar to many instances

when I ran a computer help desk.

I didn't vote for this regime. These oafs did.

[Ahpook]

24. Reminds me of that Jimmy Fallon skit on SNL:)

I seem to be the family computer guy. I can see how it may seem strange for some.

My mother always calls over with some trouble. I would do the "MOVE" thing when i got to her comp:) It was normally an easy fix. I went over once and her printer was spitting out page after page of garbage. She had been feeding it paper for 30 minutes before i got there. How she started that mess i will never know:)

It can be daunting, so be gentle.

[ghostsofgiants]

25. I've been doing this for about a year now.

It's amazing some of the stupidity I encounter.

[Lil Missy]

26. The coffee cup holder on my tower is broken.

Can you send me a replacement?

:P

[RoyGBiv]

27. Can we extend this to billing?

Customer: I want to know why you people think you can get away with raising my bill every month.

Me: (after consulting customer's billing ledger) Well, sir, this month your bill is $98. For three months before that it was $101. The month before that it was $115.

Customer: That's what I said. You keep raising my rates!

O-kay.

[newmajority]

28. My favorite tech support call of all time (late 1990's)

Was from a guy who couldn't figure out why he couldn't get his CD-Rom to load. Turns out he didn't have a CD-Rom drive on his computer and he was trying to use it in a 5.25" floppy drive!! :rofl:

I had to put him on hold until I stopped laughing.

[tjwmason]

29. Did you manage to keep a straight face?

I'd be far too tempted to start laughing.