The most disturbing gallery of photoshop jobs you'll see all year.

[DS1]

I can't believe pay someone to do this, it's terrible in every way imaginable.


http://www.kelsphotocreations.com/beforeafter_roll.htm

[skygazer]

1. They're like cartoons

They don't look remotely like photos. And half of them didn't really need any real retouching anyway. :wow:

[Deja Q]

2. They all look like Bratz dolls on crack...

Cractz

[Ptah]

3. Wow, that is painful.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

4. I found one that did not make me vomit

the rest were putrid :puke:

[Fenris]

5. Check out his latest creations on his homepage!

That poor girl in the pink hat doesn't even resemble anything carbon-based.

[DS1]

6. Holy shit

The only original part of that is her teeth!

[Deja Q]

8. Those earrings positively light up. And not in a good way!

:scared:

[Fenris]

13. The hat and, er, cashmere tank top have more realistic textures than her skin!

She looks like she was made out of construction paper. And not normal construction paper, either. Like construction paper heavily discounted because the mill made a mistake and dyed the paper a color somewhere between purple and gray.

[ironflange]

54. "His" is not correct

Kel is a woman! That makes it even worse; I'm surprised that any woman would have such a nasty combination of heavy hand, bad taste, and poor eye.

[matcom]

7. this frightens me

[Fenris]

11. Less of a baby, more of a '20s film matron.

[Deja Q]

12. Matron? Or Madame?

:hide:

[Maddy McCall]

45. He took grandpa out?!

:cry:

Why oh why did grandpa have to go??

[Dangerously Amused]

9. OMG, ROFL!

:rofl:

And kinda scary, too. That guy has a future in animated knock-offs of the Chuckie movies for sure!

[Tuesday Afternoon]

10. to be honest, I thought the 5th one from the bottom

was pretty decent...

[ghostsofgiants]

18. That's because all he seems to have done is up the brightness.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

21. yeah. He knew when to quit on that one....

must have been lunchtime :D

[yellowdogintexas]

34. those two little girls on the bottom, the ORIGINAL photos are scary, look at

the dark circles under their eyes. like they haven't slept in about a month.

The older young women do not look nearly as scary as the little girls. I wonder why he can make those transitions look so much better than the others?

The two best ones though are the ones where he only adjusted the lighting a bit.

[DS1]

35. They're probably have those horrible pageant families

who put them up to hours of rehearsing crap so the parents can win something vicariously

[yellowdogintexas]

36. pretty much my thoughts as well..

although allergies will make a child get ghoulish looking dark circles

[zanne]

14. Why are they all picture of young girls.

This is sick.

[Deja Q]

15. Because the following is that artist's favorite song?

Written by: neil diamond

Love you so much, cant count all the ways
Id die for you girl, and all they can say is
Hes not your kind

They never get tired of puttin me down
And I never know when I come around
What Im gonna find
Dont let them make up your mind
Dont you know

Girl, youll be a woman soon
Please come take my hand
Girl, youll be a woman soon
Soon youll need a man

Ive been misunderstood for all of my life
But what theyre sayin, girl, just cuts like a knife
The boys no good

Well, I finally found what Ive been looking for
But if they get the chance, theyll end it for sure
Sure they would
Baby, Ive done all I could
Its up to you

Girl, youll be a woman soon
Please come take my hand
Girl, youll be a woman soon
Soon youll need a man

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/n/neil+diamond/girl+youll+be+a+woman+soon_20098745.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzL-wzCxfD8

:scared:

[zanne]

20. GAH!

[ghostsofgiants]

16. I can hear my copy of Photoshop weeping.

[GOPisEvil]

17. Behold, the Thomas Kinkaide of Photoshop.

[drmeow]

31. My thoughts exactly!

[Fleshdancer]

19. they all get bigger upper lips and glassy vacant eyes

creepy

[Chan790]

39. dead eyes.

It is truly creepy. If you've never had the experience of looking into the eyes of someone who is dead...I hope you never do. That's what it's like...lighted, glassy, vacant...they suck the life and energy out of a room. It's the coldest I've ever felt in 90-degree heat.

I'm anti-supernatural and it even gives me the shivers. I'm fairly comfortable with death...I was there in the room when both of my grandparents died...and I've volunteered in an end-care hospice. I can process almost anything but I never got used to the eyes.

[Madrone]

22. DAYUM.

You mean I, too, can get PAID to do extra shitty photoshops? Where do I sign up!??!?

:puke:

[SPQR]

23. Wow,

they go from Democrats to Republicans!

[Rabrrrrrr]

24. Well, the taste level of Americans has never been accused of being anything less than reprehensible.

[Schema Thing]

25. I have a feeling that all of those people are dead.

The question is whether or not their families paid the person to :ahem: "stylize" their one remaining snapshot, or the :ahem: "retoucher" is also the instrument of death?

[likesmountains 52]

26. Is it Bride of Chucky.Com or what? Awful

[graywarrior]

27. That scared the bejesus out of me

[DarkTirade]

28. Me too.

And I didn't even know I HAD a bejesus.

[graywarrior]

30. Me neither.

It came out and ran behind the sofa.

[Elidor]

29. Someone call the police: there are bodies buried under this man's house. Lots of them.

That needs a submission to Fark. If it hasn't yet made an appearance there. Jebus. The mind recoils in horror.

[zingaro]

43. That is exactly what popped into my head. Exactly. Ew. nt

[LeftyMom]

32. Are those kids supposed to look like Bratz dolls?

:shrug:

[drmeow]

33. His wedding retouches are OK

but the pageant stuff is scary ... of course, child beauty pageants are scary even without the scary photo retouches.

I love this:

4. Since I use Photoshop, I have alot of hair brushes, but its probably better if you can already have their hair styled. I'm still learning about drawing in hair.

And look at how good of a deal it is:

Photo retouching consists of the following:
*Cropping photo*
*Smoothing and blending of skin*
*Getting rid of unwanted shadows and dark circles*
*Whitening teeth*
*Deleting stray hairs*
*Adding lashes and/or liner*
*Adding blush, lip color, and eye shadow*
*Reshaping eyebrows*
*Adding a background*

The total for this package is $30.

Total Photo Retouching includes all the above, plus the following:
*Making lips fuller, adding teeth, or straightening teeth*
*Removing braces*
*Changing eye color*
*Doing anything to hairstyle*
*Adding jewelry, bows, or other accessories*
*Changing clothing color*

The total for this package is $35.

[mainegreen]

37. The sparkly animated pink static background was enough to make me scream.

The bad web design! It BURNS!

[harmonicon]

38. I don't get it NT

[ghostsofgiants]

41. Put your mouse over the pictures, then you'll get it.

[harmonicon]

42. oh, I did that

I just don't get why it was done

[jmowreader]

40. They're almost like really bad oil paintings

Aren't the pageants themselves trying to get away from the "JonBenet" look?

I figure that if they want to have a picture of their kid painted up to look like a porcelain doll, it's their money. Beats having their kid painted up that way, anyway.

[BlueJazz]

44. Jesus...After visiting that site, I feel like I just saw "Alien IV"

[DS1]

47. *laff*

You mean the scene where clone Ripley finds all of the failures in the project?

[AlCzervik]

46. Is that some kind of fetish, prefers dolls to humans? I find dolls very creepy

anyway so this site was very disturbing for me.

just really creepy.

[Frank Cannon]

48. That is seriously fucked up

Those images are "Rod Serling's Night Gallery" scary.

[krispos42]

49. Most of those were a little creepy

A couple came out nice.

And what happened to this one??? How did she get that goose egg on her face???

[FloridaJudy]

69. It's probably a "cavernous hemangioma"

A common type of birthmark that tends to shrink and fade away as kids get older.

But even with it, the kid looks way better in real life. The after shots all look like they've been embalmed.

[PunkinPi]

50. that's just because you're an artiist!

you and your 'high ideals'. :)

:hi:

[Deja Q]

51. 3.14159265374!

Nice to see you 'round!

[jmowreader]

52. It gets worse. He does comps too.

Notwithstanding the fact these two kids have the same name, this shit just looks like a grade schooler threw it together.

[ironflange]

53. Oh, this is just horrible. . . horrible. . .

And the site design is as bad as the pics. Click on the model management box for more awfulness. If her website looks like that, I really don't want to find her myspace page.

[SarahB]

55. They go from human to bad animations.

:wtf:

[fortyfeetunder]

56. Looks like casket-ready to me

the makeup looks like best for deceased people...just sayin'

[Rhythm]

57. EEEK... a whole page of pics with those "follow you around the room" eyes!

*shudder*

[timtom]

58. Godamighty!

That's what Jon-Benet Ramsey looked like.

Now THAT'S creepy!

[In_The_Wind]

59. That is sooooo bad!

[EstimatedProphet]

60. I'm torn between laughing and screaming

They're horrifying and funny at the same time.

[Bucky]

61. How to make you child look like a Mattel doll or, alternatively, like a whore

Maybe he just hates children. That would explain a lot.

Sweet kid turns into...

...an escort?

If your kid is bored...

... maybe all she needs is Xanex!

[BarenakedLady]

62. Never in a million years

would I do that to a picture of my children.

:scared:

[Shell Beau]

63. What is up with making them all look like clowns with all of the makeup?

Terrible. Most of them were all fine and precious before the nasty makeover.

[semillama]

64. My eyes!!!! THEY BURNNNNNN n/t

[asthmaticeog]

65. Jesus fucking fuck, what the fuck is fucking wrong with these fucking people?

The horrible -- it burns! :cry:

[Magrittes Pipe]

66. For those of you who are thinking about clicking the link:

It takes a long time to download all the pictures into your browser. This is time of your life you'll never get back.

I'll give you the rundown. "Artist" takes pictures of kindergarten-aged girls and brides. The pictures are then rendered plasticine via Photoshop. Or MSPaint, I can't tell. They're shitty. Not "funny bad," either, just bad. Dreadful. Stupid. I bet the "artists" parents even think this shit sucks.

Don't waste your time. It will take a few days off the life of your soul.

[DS1]

68. This is time of your life you'll never get back.

Did you forget where you are?

Anyway, I suspect the site's been farked/dotted/dugg, it was working fine when posted.

Grumpy.

[Magrittes Pipe]

70. I'm not grumpy, I'm surly.

Get it right.

Asshole.

[Pool Hall Ace]

67. In the wedding photos, I wonder why Grandpa was removed.

Those pageant photos are the stuff of nightmares! :scared:

[AngryOldDem]

71. The way the little girls look just creeps me out.

Really makes me wonder about the motivation/intention of whoever put this display together.

:scared:

[Sheets of Easter]

72. This one looks like Bastard Boy Floyd.

[Fox Mulder]

73. People pay for this shit?

Why???