The Coffee Test

[SoCalDem]

Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?
Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it's easier?
Have you ever waken up in a puddle of your own coffee?
Do you find that it's easier to drink more coffee than to go to sleep?
Have you ever drank cold coffee?
Right out of the pot?
Does your coffee cup resemble a beer stein?
Has anyone ever told you that you "have a problem"?

Do you need coffee:

...to get up in the morning?
...to get out of bed?
...to be injected intravenously to stimulate blood-flow?
Do Native North American Aboriginal Indian Peoples call you "Ona mac towanda" (Smells-like-coffee)?
Does the phrase "Swiss water decaffeinated" strike terror into your heart?
Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room of your house?
...in more than five?
...in your bathroom?
Do the people at Second Cup refuse do give you free coffee cards anymore?
...because you're wearing out their hole-punch?
...and it's bad for the environment?
Do you grind your own coffee?
Do you grow your own coffee?
Do you know Juan Valdez?
...and his donkey?
...intimately?
Do you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear dripping water?
Is sleep a hobby of yours?
...that you don't like?
...because it's too frustrating?
Response Ratio
Addiction Factor

Yes
No
Analysis:

22-28
0-6
You are a well-rounded member of society with a love for life and you are very wise.

15-21
7-13
You are a slightly jagged member of society, life's okay but it could be better and you are relatively naive.

0-15
13-28
What are you, some kinda nature-freak tree-hugger!?
Coffee's not good enough for you, huh? Here, have some more tofu! How about some alfalfa tea?!? You Commie Slime!!!

[Zomby Woof]

1. My opinions of coffee are well-known

GIMME SOME NOW. :hangover:

[brokensymmetry]

2. Gotta have it!

Coffee - not just for mealtime!

[POed_Ex_Repub]

3. If you snort it or take it intravenously

Is that a bad sign? :scared:

[tigereye]

4. one of my favorite stories about intense coffee consumption

was the one that Doris Lessing would make instant coffee with five tablespoons of same. May be apocryphal, I don't know. Of course instant is pretty horrible, IMHO

[jmowreader]

7. Only if you do both at the same time

Also, if you're going to snort it, use instant and leave the water out...drowning's bad, m'kay?

[skippythwndrdog]

5. Must have coffee

There is no life without coffee.

[Birthmark]

6. I score a 32

Mathematics. Is there anything it can't do?

[foreigncorrespondent]

8. I can't work out...

...the scoring system. Can someone explain it to me, please?

[LuLu550]

9. I have one of those pots that turns itself on in the morning

so it's done by the time I get downstairs...mmmmm coffeeeeeeeeee!
:donut: (you can have the donut)

[fudge stripe cookays]

10. My mom got me addicted at 8...

"Here honey, this is called Suisse Mocha...and it tastes just like hot chocolate! It will help wake you up!"

Was there EVER any hope for me? I think not.

I can never have children because I would spend all the diaper money on coffee.

[rasputin1952]

11. If there was ever a reason to love Colombia...

COFFEE is it!

Gotta have my fix, and keep the habit rolling all day and into the night. I can sleep soundly after a pot of Kona Gold!

Withdrawl is NOT an option! People would be seriously harmed in the horrors of coffe withdrawl for this pinhead!

MMMMMMMMMM........Time for another pot.

O8)

[mac56]

12. Gotta have at least three cups...

or my heart won't beat.

[Beaker]

13. I am 43, and I have NEVER had a single cup of coffee.

I've had about 2 or 3 small sips in my lifetime, but the taste and the smell just plain disgust me.
no iced coffe, no frappochino, no nuthin'.....yuck :puke:

and my second-least favourite beverage: beer.

I don't drink alcohol just about at all anymore, due to medication I take for chronic pain- but when i did drink, I just never liked the taste of beer all that much. i drank scotch.

two of the most senseless products in history, IMHO: de-caf coffee and alcohol-free beer. :silly:

[Spider Jerusalem]

14. Ah, coffee.

A hearty thanks to a certain unknown Arab goatherd who was smart enough to figure out what was making his goats act so fucked up, use it on himself, and then tell other people about it.

Now for another cup and a generous dose of guarana.

[meti57b]

15. I make and drink the coffee in a beer stein

Get a stoneware beer stein (1/2 liter is two cups although you could go for a full liter). Run the hot water in the stein to heat it. The stoneware holds the heat extremely well and keeps the coffee hot while you drink the double cup of it. (You don't want the cup to chill the coffee, especially if you put milk or cream in it.)

Get one of those 2-4 cup Melitta cup-top filter holder thingies and a filter, place on top of the heated stein. Put the ground coffee in the filter. (Actually, the 2-4 cup filter holder is for setting on top of a glass coffee pot, but it fits well enough on top of a beer stein.)

Boil the water on the stove and pour it in.

This results in a hot double-cup of coffee that stays hot while you drink it.

[Lindsey]

16. As I'm drinkin my second cup for the morning...

I'm a little sad because I've had to completely give up dairy (I'm allergic to almost everything)and now have to dress up my Trader Joes coffee with soy milk & stevia (a natural sweetner from a plant). Dammit - It's just not the same as my half & half, my vanilla flavoring and my sweet & low. Oh well, I guess I'll get used to it.
:-(