Sailing Refresher Course

[Bonhomme Richard]

PRESEASON REFRESHER COURSE:

To best prepare yourself for the sailing season I recommend these
time tested exercises:

1. Buy a case of beer, sit it in a very warm place for several
hours, and then drink it.

2. Apply sunscreen to your face in streaks and sit in front of a sun
lamp for 2 hours.

3. Sit on a bench with large metal screws, bolts and other fixtures
that protrude into your butt and legs, stare straight up into the
sun for two hours - For a more robust workout: invite 4 friends to
come over and yell at you the whole time.

4. Go to bank and withdraw $1,000 - then light it on fire. Repeat as
necessary.

5. Take a large duffel bag. Fill it with enough clothes for a
weekend -then fill it with water. Put on and take off every article
of clothing in the bag while standing on a rocking chair.

6. Take your wristwatch, pound it repeatedly against a metal pipe
and drop it into the sewer, try to fish it out.

7. Pour ice water in your lap and give yourself a wedgie, now
alternate between hopping on and off a rocking chair.

8. Put on rain/ foul weather gear. Lie down in the driveway. Have a
friend spray a garden hose at full blast at you while you roll up
and down the driveway for an hour. Stop. Attempt to take a nap for
15 minutes with the hose still on you, and then repeat the exercise.

9. Make 12 sandwiches on white bread with bad meat and cram them
into a bread bag - leave them in the sun for 12 hours... eat them
all at once washing them down with the beer from number 1.

10. Tie ropes to rear bumper of friend's car, hold on tightly, but
allow rope to slip through fingers as car drives away.
TIP: works best without gloves and rope lengths in excess of 50'.

11. Upon completion of previous 10 drills - sit down and drink 14 Mt
Gay Rum drinks, any flavor. Without brushing your teeth, attempt to
strike up a conversation with anyone who accidentally makes eye
contact with you.

[ewagner]

1. So true, so true so true...................

and alway remember that a sailboat is a hole in the water into which you pour money..........

roflmao............