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you are obviously an intelligent and sensitive young woman. And I understand that your home life is not great, to say the least. I suspect that some day, as you grow up into a sensitive and intelligent adult, you'll realize that it was you and not the so-called "cool kids" that was genuinely "cool", because of that very intelligence and sensitivity that caused you to doubt yourself in the first place ( that kind of introspection that leads to self-doubt is strongest in really bright, sensitive people). Hang in there, get whatever outside help you need ( counseling or whatever), and somehow try to never forget to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. I know, easy for me to say,but since I've struggled with the same issues for much of my life, ( and I'm MUCH older than you), finding that inner strength ( somehow, and in my case couldn't have done it without outside help) CAN be done. Not easy, but I have faith in you. The "misfits" as kids usually end up as the coolest adults. I wonder how many people whose music or art you admire would also say they were not one of the "cool kids" as teens. Many if not most I bet. Hang in there, AspieGrrl, your self-doubt, painful as it can be, is actually a product of some of your best qualities.
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