Revamped "Cool Kid" letter to dweebs...

[devilgrrl]

Dear former and current teenage geeks & losers,

You know whom we’re talking about. Yeah you, you loser! Remember how much everyone hated you back in school? Well, us "cool kids" would like to know what made you think that trying to better yourself personally and becoming a productive member of society would negate the fact that you were completely unworthy of breathing the same air as the rest of us back in school? Are you not aware that what you were like at the tender age of - say, between 14 through 18 - that you would remain that way for the rest of your life? Did you not know that your main purpose in life was to make the rest of us feel better about ourselves?

Nobody cares that you may have lost weight, gotten a college degree, volunteered your time with non-profit organizations, that you spend within your means, have never excepted handouts from your parents, or managed to stay employed in a sluggish economy. What are you thinking? None of these "accomplishments" will erase the fact that back in junior year you had the audacity to pour out your ‘Genny’ in a can because the taste of carbonated rusted metal didn’t agree with you. Nor will anyone forget (or forgive) you for being fat, dressing like a dork, being socially inept, listening to unhip music, rebuffing the sexual advances of the "big man" on campus (what a tease!) and those repeated pathetic attempts at trying to fit in. What? You actually thought that time would heal these abhorrent transgressions? Well you thought wrong – because they don’t!

So, if anyone out there is currently a nerdy, unattractive, unhip & unhappening teenager, give it up now, because it doesn’t get any better for you in the eyes of us "cool kids." You’ll always be a loser no matter how hard you try. Nothing you’ll ever gain will be because of you; it’ll just be the result of good 'ole dumb luck as you’ve already established yourself as utterly useless – back when we all knew everything. Don’t even bother trying to get a hold of any us through Classmates.com, we didn’t want anything to do with you then, why would we want to start now? There! How’s that for putting the past behind us? Now go take a flying leap... but before you go… would like paper or plastic?



Feel free to suggest any way to spice this up more than it already is....

and for those whom are wondering what Genny in a can is:

[tkulesa]

1. LOL!

That is Awesome!

Can I distribute that? I can see that becoming a popular e-mail. :P

[SmileyBoy]

2. Why is this letter funny???

I read it, and I see no humour in it. It seems like a rather stupid and sad letter to me.

[DrWeird]

4. You read the whole thing?

Including the punch line?

[Jim Sagle]

3. The kewl kids were nuthin' but shit then and they still ain't. Fuck'm.

[devilgrrl]

5. Exactly

What a shame that the previous poster didn't get it.

[geniph]

6. "Would you like fries with that?"

alternate last line. :D