I'm kind of in a love situation and need advice...

[SmileyBoy]

OK, if anyone remembers any of my previous posts, I'm completely against Valentines Day, and the celebration of that stupid holiday. Also, seeing couples getting all lovey-dovey on TV makes me nauseous. Valentine's Day is the worst day of the year for me, because one year ago after Valentine's day, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. I'm still kinda traumatized by that event, because it was the only relationship I've ever had. I feel that I'm not good enough for females, but I get along with the guys real well. I've had guy friends for a long time now, and I have no problems with that kind of socialization. I have Aspberger's Syndrome, BTW, so the part of my life that involves social relationships in my life has been a difficult one. Up until today, I thought I would just live my life lonely and bitter, because of all this Valentine's promotion crap going on.

But recently, there has been this girl who has sat next to me in my mathematics class, and she's been really friendly and outgoing towards me for the past month or so. She's not completely 100 percent attractive looking, but she's not ugly or anything. Here's kind of what she looks like: Anybody ever watch Kids In The Hall, and there was this short series of sketches with that red-headed girl that said "It's a fact...", and something funny would happen??? She looks almost EXACTLY like her. She's got a pretty good body, also. She's not overweight in any way. She's got a pretty normal face, red hair, and a pretty good-looking body. So you would think that a 21 year-old lonely hormone-laden college student such as myself would take up the opportunity to know her better, right???

Well, since we've talked, I've felt increasingly shy and nervous around her. I'm afraid to make eye contact with her anymore. And today, she gave me a FUCKING VALENTINE. I was STUNNED when I recieved it. The only other girl to give me a valentine was my ex last year. So when I got that from her today, I literally froze with fear. I know that she's making the first move, and she would want to go out with me sometime. I know she really has the hots for me. Me, a 35-pound overweight ex-high school football player with greasy hair, a moustache, and a gay-sounding voice. I'm still also kind of confused WHY she would want to have the hots for me.

I'm getting inreasingly shy, nervous, and even afraid of her. I really know she wants me, but the more she tries to make a move, the more I get afraid of her. During the rest of class, I was pondering to myself (while trying to keep my distance from her) if I'm gay or not, because I was getting increasingly shy and nervous around her. I really don't know right now. I've NEVER, EVER noticed a girl that had a crush on me. Now that it's actually happening, I'm feeling kinda awkward and very, very shy and frightened.

So, what do you think I should do??? And is it normal for me to be really afraid and frightened of her???

[ComerPerro]

1. I would dispense advice

But right now you have completely shut down my brain by referencing those Kids in the Hall sketches.

If she looks like that girl, then I say by all means, go for it...

If you are wondering what to do next...

Hmmm....

Let me get those sketches out of my head....

Maybe someone else will post something helpful.....

[Womblestuffer]

21. Great way to overcome your problem...............

Ex footbal players still know how to run right? I do this when I need to overcome my shyness...........RUN! no not run away, go jogging and do some sprints, build up some ego and wear down the nervousness, put it in a box till you can deal with it.....running is better that weightlifting to work past this problem.

[Fenris]

2. Normal. I'd say yes.

Here's my suggestion. Just keep being yourself and if she's really into you, you'll know. Wait a while. Start hanging out with her. Get a feel for the situation. When you feel you are certain, make a move for her hand.:)

[Elidor]

13. He got a Valentine - she's definitely "into" him

Don't fret over the shyness - it'll fade as you get to know her. Ask her out. Do something - anything - to let her know you reciprocate her feelings or she'll be disappointed or even hurt. Find some simple social things you can do together - studying, grabbing a bite, walking - anything. It doesn't matter what you do, just DO IT NOW. Don't leave her hanging. Does she have email? You might be able to express things better that way, break the ice as it were.

Good luck. Love's just busting out all over.

[SmileyBoy]

17. I have her number. I'll probably call her tonight.

I think that's the best thing to do.

[Womblestuffer]

30. weak ......man, probably is no, you've already decided not to

try my solution

[adriennel]

3. Go for it! Yes!

If you like her, and she's making the moves, I say go for it! I've been waiting eons for a woman to give me a valentine. And personally, the more I like someone, the more freaked-out I get. It might be a good sign. Good luck, my friend, and thanks for reminding me of Kids in the Hall, a show I miss very, very much.
:hug:

[populistmom]

4. She likes you, Dude!

She's already made the first move. Talk to her a little more and then ask her out. If a women expresses interest in you and you ignore it because you're unsure of yourself, she only ends up feeling crappy and rejected. Perhaps be honest and say you are nervous a bit. Many of us don't expect sauve perfection, but like a man for exactly who he is.

[madrchsod]

5. ask her out!!!!!

dam ,sounds like she likes you. wash your hair and lose some weight-ha,ha, go for it...

[DuctapeFatwa]

6. Yes, it is normal, but you should suck it up and talk to her

She likes you, you like her, and you are hurting her feelings.

Don't agonize about it so much, you are just talking about a couple of young people going out, not a lifetime committment.

It doesn't matter whether you are gay or not, you can ask her to go see a movie or a concert, or something and have a nice time, and the rest will sort itself out naturally.

[Heyo]

7. That's prefectly normal..

It's perfectly normal what you're feeling, especially being a little inexperienced with relationships...

Your self esteem could use some work, don't be so hard on yourself. (constructive criticizm is all)

The signals seem to be there, at least from what I'm able to gather.

As hard as it is, remember this: Chicks dig confidence and they dig guys who are sure of themselves. To acheive that, though, you have to set aside your fears of rejection, it's the fear of rejection that makes us guys some unsure of ourselves.

I realize it's scary, but it's up to you to turn it into a great opportunity, and if it doesn't work out, you'll have another learning experience to carry with you for next time..

As far as what to do or say to her... can't really get that from somebody else.. that's just gotta come out naturally, in a way.

Just be yourself and ask her if she'd like to hang out outside of school.. (i.e. be together in the same place on purpose rather than by chance 'cause youre in the same class).. that tends to be the biggest step.. after that point things either take off or they don't. At least you'll know.

Good luck... And remember, you're the man!

Heyo

[KissMyAsscroft]

8. You need to read the gospel, my friend...

www.intellectualwhores.com

Go forth and learn the truth.....

The Ladder System! Live it, learn it, love it!

[madrchsod]

9. you know we will

expect updates ,don`t you????

[SmileyBoy]

Yeah, I know. I probably won't see her again until Tuesday, tho.

I knew she was getting ready to ask me what I was doing this weekend (a precursor to asking me out), and so I said that I was going home for the weekend (even though I'm not). I felt like I was gonna shit my pants in anxiety, and after that I bolted out the door.

God, I feel like such a tool. I'd definitely like to go out with her, but these anxiety feelings have just overtaken me.

[Skittles]

10. dear God, northwest, you're going WAY OVERBOARD ANALYZING

stop thinking and start asking - her out!!! GO DO IT. Suggest something easy going like getting a coke or coffee somewhere so you can talk away from class, OK ?

[Nikia]

11. It sounds like you are insecure

You were alright around her when you just thought she was being friendly, right? Now you see that there could be potentially a relationship and you don't want to disappoint her or mess things up. Stop worrying and get to know her better. Ask her to lunch or coffee.
If you find that you just want her to be a friend, that is alright too and hopefull she'll be accepting of that. Don't turn her down though just because you are afraid of rejection or that you'll get hurt in the future. Don't worry about why she finds you attractive either and crertainly don't trash yourself in front of her.

[Loonman]

12. Just be cool, man

Be a tall cool one, but not aloof, that's a turn off.

[Fleshdancer]

14. forget about your disdain for the holiday and get her a Valentine

She sounds like a nice person and the last thing she probably wants is for you to be this nervous and afraid around her. Just remember she put herself out there which is also scary...she knows what you're going through.

It sounds like the biggest issue is a self esteem thing. If you don't start thinking you're worthy of attention, no one else will either. No one is perfect so stop being so hard on yourself and on her for liking you. Go foward, swallow the fear, and leap. It's not easy for anyone but it's well worth the effort.

And as a side tip...I recommend not judging her looks and her body to others on a computer forum. Women don't like that...especially when you say she's "not 100% attractive looking". This could be your future girlfriend...it would hurt her to know you're talking about her this way.

[reprehensor]

15. Let her know...

...that you have AS. And that is why you are so shy. Otherwise, she will not understand why you are not humping her leg.

[leftist_rebel1569]

16. Oh jeezus, have I been there...

Let me put it this way...there was this girl that I totally fell in love with that I thought was interested in me. And no, this is before the one we've talked about...but anyways, I eventually got too shy to talk to her, and it ended up destroying our friendship and whatever chance I had with her.

But my advice, FWIW, is to take her on a small, non-commiting date. A coffee shop would be a good place, maybe...I dunno. But remember, it's small and it means NOTHING. Don't think ahead about anything, just try to talk about stuff affecting you now and whatnot. Like, talk about other classes or something or another.

Other than that, all I can say is that the ball seems to be in your court, so don't try to overplay anything. I understand that it's like, the hardest thing to do (since i'm a shy emo-ish teenager, I would know) but really, it's all you can do. Try not to feel so nervous, and eventually you won't.

Well, that's all for my rambling, incoherent advice...good luck man :)

[ComerPerro]

18. Now, that's what I wanted to say

I agree completely.

[bif]

19. A lot of guys back off when a girl gets aggressive

and makes the first move. You're lucky you didn't have to be the one to do it. I'd say ask her out and just be yourself.

[camero]

20. Once bitten twice shy

That's why you were afraid. But by going out with this one you can probably get past that. You know when you fall off the bike you have to get right back on.

[salinen]

22. Dude!

Kick back. No worries. She'll do all the heavy lifting. Just be yourself, if you know who that is, and be funny, cute, serious, and forget about how you appear. Lighten up!

[camero]

23. are you responding to me or the original post?

Had to ask. You gave good advice. :)

[salinen]

24. The original post, Camero

[camero]

26. Then press reply on the original post

Thanks.

[Misinformed01]

25. Hellllllllooooooooooooooooooo

ask her out to a movie.

Wake up; you sound cute and nice.

Stephanie

[Rowdyboy]

27. PLEASE! Before you get "serious" with this woman

(who is obviously at least interested in you) be as certain as possible of your sexual orientation. If she falls for you and five years down the road you discover you're gay, you could absolutely destroy her. Also, there may be a child involved at that point.

My partner was unhappily married to a lovely woman for 18 years. Toward the end, he suffered severe depression and saw a shrink. Over 6 months he admitted to himself that he was gay. About six months after their breakup we met and I moved in. 15 years later, he and I are still together-deliriously happy.

These things happen. Date her, have fun, certainly. But, before you commit, make absolutely sure where your interests lie.

That's the best advice I can give.

[DuctapeFatwa]

LOL He's 21! Let's hope he's not thinking of commiting to anything

for a while :)

[cally]

31. Thanks for that advice

It's fine to date while you figure out yourself. I agree, that if think you might be gay or lesbian, it's much better to figure that out before you commit to a hetero relationship. Hurts way too many people including yourself.

In this instance, I agree with others. You have to call her tonight. Ask to meet for coffee or something simple and quick. Just be nice and get to know her. Have fun.

[Sequoia]

28. Ask her out.

So what if Valentine's Day is creepy. I never liked it becasue I never got a lot of valentines or a box of candy but you see we are forced to go out and buy cards and junk and we're all made to feel badly and unpopular if we don't get any of it. She probably liked you to begin with and this was a good excuse to make the first move. So, if you like her, then ask her out, even if it's for a safe afternoon date. Otherwise, she'll feel bad and rejected too. Besides, at your young age, you can expect a broken heart here and there, it's just life.

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