Ah, to be 8 and innocent again.

[ulysses]

I have a sign above the chalkboard in my classroom that reads "Ideas Count". One of my third grade guys decided today that he would read it to the class.

Problem is that he's not the world phonetics champion. He left out the "o" in "count".

"Ideas c*nt!" he announced.

Mr. Uly looked up, more than a little bit startled.

"Ideas c*nt!" he said again, with perfect enunciation and quite pleased with himself.

None of these guys even remotely knows the "c word", so I just corrected him. "It's 'cOUnt', Zach." God give me the strength, he got it wrong a third time.

So math was interrupted for a while today for a short lesson on the sound "ou" make together. Along with the kid who had a brain cramp and called me "daddy" at one point, it was an interesting class...

[GOPisEvil]

1. *snicker*

That's just too f-ing cute for words.

[ulysses]

3. hard to keep a straight face sometimes

:D

[TXlib]

2. heh heh

My wife sometimes calls me "Dad", too, but it's usually not at inappropriate moments, thankfully.

[LuLu550]

4. Kids say the darnedest things!

So, how do you send THAT one to Reader's Digest?
LuLu

[ScreamingMeemie]

5. Thanks for the giggle...and so proud of himself..

I would have been laughing and choking.

[ulysses]

7. hey, if I can make MrsGrumpy giggle

I'm doing pretty well. ;-)

[blm]

6. hahahah.....

this was just too funny. Thanks for the laugh, ulysses. Kids can be hilarious when they're at their most serious.

[Drifter]

8. I have a similiar misunderstood word story ...

In this case it is what my daughter heard, rather than what she read.

I was driving with my daughter when she was 5ish. A guy cut me off, and without thinking I blurted out something like "Nice move you Douche Bag". The instant it left my lips, I knew I shouldn't have said it.

My daughter turns to me and in all seriousness asks, "Daddy, why did you call that man a Juice Box?"

Well, needless to say, I nearly went off the road I was laughing so hard.


Cheers
Drifter

[ulysses]

9. LOL

A friend of mine had a similar experience when his daughter was 4 or so - he'd sworn at another driver on the way home and once they got there, his little girl looked at him when he was getting her out of the car seat and said "Fuck you, motherfucker!"

She, I'm told, was quite pleased with herself too. :D

[SOteric]

10. The Fine Art of Torment

People who know me well have, from time to time asked about the persistent, recurring pranks I exchange with my brothers.

An old Italian proverb tells us that "Vengeance is a dish best served cold."


My two oldest brothers, Tony and Al were born in Parma, Italy and spoke Italian, then learnt English. Joey, Mike and I all spoke English primarily, but picked up Italian in the home. I was 7 years old at the time and hadn't a clue about the birds and the bees.


My father used to smoke a pipe. Mom would usually have his pipe & tobacco and a glass of red wine, some cheese and some fruit waiting for him at the end of his day. Almost as a tender ritual between them, my father would greet these assembled nurtures by loudly announcing: "You see why I marry this woman! So good to me!"

Sometimes Mom would cut the fruit, gather the cheese and pour the wine and she'd let me put out the pipe. To which Papa would add an announcement, "'Bina, you make some lucky man a fine wife one day if you take some time from all your babies and make him a good pipe." Then he'd show me how to pack it and I'd poke my tiny finger into the top firmly and proudly.


One day at Sunday School, Lorenzo Alvraci, also 7, wondered out loud 'why Joseph wanted to marry the Virgin Mary, 'cause after all she was going to be busy being the mother of God and having people pray to her all the time.' In the flawless Italian precisely coached by my brother Al, I responded "Forse lei gli ha fatto una bella pipa." Literally, "Maybe she gave him a lovely pipe."


That would be literal, though. If you said that to an Italian in just that way, an Italian such as for instance, Sister Sophia the Sunday School teacher, the cultural meaning would be equivalent to: "Maybe she gave him a really great blow job."


The Roman Catholic penance for impuning the virtue of the Virgin Mary involves a shrieking nun, a bar of soap and an entire novena.


'Nuff said.

[catzies]

12. Wow, what a great story, SOteric! Thanks for sharing!

That was sweet, warm, touching, and funny as hell. Sorry about the nun, though. :P

[SOteric]

13. Thank you.

It took me a dozen years or so, but I did get my revenge. :7

[ulysses]

14. ROFLMAO

*That's* damned funny! :D

[MadHound]

11. Reminds me of my nephew when he was younger

We were out at night looking at the stars. Went through the moon and the North Star. Then, pointing at the morning star, "Look mommy, there's Penis!" We all got a good snicker while his mom corrected him on his pronounciation.