favorite one-liners

[Bertha Venation]

I used to go to a bar in Boston called the G-Spot. It closed because no one could find it.

[arwalden]

1. Take My Wife, Please.

[nostamj]

2. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me

than a frontal labotomy.

was that Louden Wainwright? or Tom Waits?

[kevinam]

3. I have read it attributed to Tom Waits...

and I thought it went "better to have a bottle in front of you, than a front lobatomy". But you could be right. The other one I read attributed to him was "24 beers in a case, 24 hours in a day, coincidence?? I think not"...Kevin.

[MrSlayer]

4. I bought my wife a chair for her birthday....

but they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

[Endangered Specie]

5. How do I know God is a Civil Engineer...

Well, in making humans, who else would have put a waste pipeline next to a recreation area?

(If you know me, Im an atheist, but its still a good joke)

[Archae]

6. Dorothy Parker and Groucho Marx were undisputed masters

Of the one-liner.

Can you imagine what those two would be doing to Smirk? :-)

[Lexingtonian]

7. some Dorothy Parker

(on the phone) "I'm too fucking busy- and vice versa."

(on a passing starlet) "There's the good time that was had by all."