DU Women: How Do You Feel About A Man Holding The Door For You?

[SPKrazy]

I ask because I remember 20 years or so in grad school holding the door for a woman and she about took my head off saying that it implied that I didn't think she was capable of opening her own door. I was talking about this yesterday in conversation with a friend.

So I thought I'd ask DU women "how do you feel about a man holding the door for you?"

thanks

:hi:

[lizziegrace]

1. Doesn't happen often

so I'm usually stunned...

[SPKrazy]

4. Thanks

I guess I was raised to do that for women, or men for that matter, just politeness.

My mother was quite the feminist too and still expected that.

:hi:

[Deja Q]

2. In this day and age, it's gotta be sexist.

I mean, men let ladies first just so they can ogle the firm backside, right?

(of course not, but anyone with that cynical attitude is one I wouldn't blindly blame...)

[SPKrazy]

7. yeah, that's it

:eyes:

might be in some cases, who knows

[Deja Q]

16. (I was being sarcastic)

I hold doors open for people as a gesture of kindness and civility.

But I wouldn't be surprised if somebody was accused of ogling and sent to court...

[SPKrazy]

20. i knew you were

but there are some who would prolly think that was the reason

[LaurenG]

3. Hold away and if I'm there first I'll hold it for a man. nt

[SPKrazy]

5. I think that is egalitarian and common courtesy

thanks

:hi:

[LaurenG]

25. Well that and I get a peak at his backside!

just kidding, sort of. :rofl:

[SPKrazy]

27. he he

:evilgrin:

[SallyMander]

6. Seconded

:hi:

[LaurenG]

34. Hi SallyMander

:hi:

[SallyMander]

38. Hope you are having a good weekend OhioBlues!

Are you guys also having bizarrely warm weather???

[LaurenG]

45. Yes the weather is very warm, it's supposed to be 71 tomorrow

It is weird as the snow from last week just melted. We had a high of 18 on the 2nd and it'll be in the 70's tomorrow, it's currently 60 degrees. Is it about that way for you too?

[SallyMander]

48. We're supposed to hit 67 tomorrow

Craaaaazy!!! :crazy:


I'm a dork, but i'm sitting here worrying about the salamanders... they usually come out to breed in the spring, the first rainy day over 50 degrees. I'm worried they'll be tricked and come out tonight, and then freeze when it gets cold again. :( The things that keep you up at night when you're a dork... :P

[SPKrazy]

52. 73 here today right now

:P

[SallyMander]

53. Crazy south!

:D

[SPKrazy]

77. dayum yankee

:rofl:

[flvegan]

8. I always hold the door for women, and even bow my head slightly.

Gives my line of vision a better lock on the chest area.

:popcorn:

[SPKrazy]

10. pffttt....

:eyes:


:spray:

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

13. best response

:applause:

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

9. That seems normal to me.

I open doors for men all the time too...

[SPKrazy]

12. yeah

I do too

:hi:

[YellowRubberDuckie]

11. Chivalry is not anti woman...

It's actually a huge compliment in my opinion. :shrug: I love it when my husband opens doors for me. He draws the line at opening my car door, which I'm perfectly capable of doing on my own. But he is considerate and sweet. Him being a gentleman is not an insult. I hate it when women think politeness equals the man being a chauvinist.
Duckie

[SPKrazy]

14. Especially when there are so many truly chauvinistic attitudes

For the rest of my grad school career I didn't dare hold the door for any of my female classmates for fear of being labeled a chauvinistic pig for that.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

15. My husband says it sucks being a good guy...

because you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
Duckie

[SPKrazy]

17. perhaps

that is true

:hi:

[fizzgig]

18. it's just a common courtesy

i'll hold the door open for anyone, while i am no longer surprised if the person in front of me lets the door go in my face, i always make sure that someone who is holding the door hears me say thank you.

however, i am becoming slightly bitchy about it. i have started saying "you're welcome" loudly when i don't get thanked. passive aggressive? maybe. but bad manners piss me off

[SPKrazy]

19. i think manners

have gone by the wayside in some ways and it affects how people get along

[fizzgig]

22. civility almost seems like too much to ask for anymore

it's like half the people walking around were raised in barns and wouldn't know how to say please, thank you or excuse me

[SPKrazy]

24. some were

or some equivalent upbringing

[LeftyMom]

21. Whoever gets to the door first can hold it open, irrespective of gender.

I certainly wouldn't worry about somebody not holding a door unless I had my hands full. Then it's a bit rude not to do so, unless they're just oblivious and didn't notice.

[SPKrazy]

23. that is common

although i still am inclined to hold it for women

just raised that way

[tjwmason]

57. Precisely.

Holding doors open is one of the small ways in which we can spread some politeness around the world - it words whether man or woman is doing the holding and whether man or woman benefits from it.

I make especially sure that I hold the door if it's a person who is carrying stuff or is infirm, but unless I'm in a hurry everybody gets it.

[Coyote_Bandit]

26. Just common courtesy

As a woman, I do hold doors for others when appropriate. I appreciate it when others do the same for me. I find politeness, manners and consideration of others to be very attractive qualities.

Have to say though that I have known a few folks (not just men!) who seemed to only mind their manners and be on good behavior when they wanted something. Apparently, they didn't realize how transparent their efforts were. Eeeewwwww.....

[SPKrazy]

28. yeah that is transparent i'm sure

:hi:

[electron_blue]

29. Ever since a friend of mine said he just holds the door open for whoever is after him

I've looked at this differently. Someone asked him how he decides whether to hold a door open for someone, thus opening a can of worms whether to hold it open for a woman, elderly person, disabled, and what if they resent it or whatnot. He said to him it's easy - he just holds the door open for everyone and doesn't try to make any other judgment calls. This is someone I used to work with, so I had a chance to watch him open doors and hold open doors for lots of people and they all seemed to be appreciative. I'm not saying you won't find someone who resents it, but by and large, I do think people appreciate someone showing consideration for another human being, esp when it's them.

[SPKrazy]

30. if they don't

then well, to be honest i wonder what the problem is :shrug:

appreciate it i mean

[Orangepeel]

31. if he happens to get there first, fine. Otherwise, stupid

What's REALLY stupid is when I come to the door first and open it and then a man (who is taller than me, of course, because I'm short), reaches over and above me and holds it for me at the top. I never make a deal of it, but it's very, very, stupid.

[SPKrazy]

32. polite?

[Orangepeel]

35. IMO, it would be more polite for him to go through and thank me for holding it

it isn't polite to never let me be polite

[SPKrazy]

36. i see your point

i dunno what the answer is

:hi:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

33. I hold the door for everyone.

Which is shocking to see in NYC. :rofl:

[SPKrazy]

37. that sounds like the stereotype

of NYC I've heard

is it true?

I had someone one time telling me that New Yorkers were so much more friendly and polite and helpful than people in the south.

:shrug:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

46. There are friendly people here, but the south has more of them, IMO.

I recently opened the door for a woman at the bank, and she stood there for five seconds before she realized what I was doing.

:rofl:

[SPKrazy]

49. probably had her hand on the pepper spray

:rofl:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

51. I am swarthy-looking, after all.

:rofl:

[SPKrazy]

55. pfffttt....

thats it! :P

[Gormy Cuss]

40. Don't worry. Half of them probably think you're the doorman.

I remember college friends from Manhattan talking about their building doormen as if everyone who lived in a multi-unit building had one. :wtf:

[SPKrazy]

42. isn't he?

:spray:

j/k

[Starbucks Anarchist]

47. LOL, not where I live.

:rofl:

[datasuspect]

39. the first part of courtesy or manners is deferring to the needs of others

or taking into consideration someone else's comfort before your own.

no issue here.

[SPKrazy]

41. i agree

[Gormy Cuss]

43. If you hold the door open for me, I'll punch your lights out.

Any questions?
:D


Holding the door open is common courtesy regardless of gender. A man extending the courtesy to a woman or an older man should be the same as a woman extending the courtesy to a man.

So if a woman holds the door open for you, how do you feel about it?

[SPKrazy]

44. i am glad she held it for me

and i say thanks

and if there are two doors, one beyond he first one, i will open it for her, or him or whoever.

any questions :D

[Breeze54]

50. I appreciate chivalry!

I hold the door for everyone if I'm exiting or entering a building and someone is on my heel's.

I don't take any offense if a guy wants to hold the door for me.

Twenty years ago it was a big deal.... but times have changed.

Now it's just a common courtesy thing imho and I don't see it as a put down at all.

[SPKrazy]

54. hmmm...

so why was it a put down 20 years ago?

It was a shock to me when that happened because I had been raised by my mother who was very much a feminist

:hi:

[Breeze54]

58. The continued discrimination ? Reagan!!!

1986 In Meritor Savings Bank v. Vinson, 477 U.S. 57 (1986), the U.S. Supreme Court held that a hostile or abusive work environment can prove discrimination based on sex.

1987 Johnson v. Santa Clara County, 480 U.S. 616 (1987): The U.S. Supreme Court rules that it is permissible to take sex and race into account in employment decisions even where there is no proven history of discrimination but when evidence of a manifest imbalance exists in the number of women or minorities holding the position in question.

Return to Index

1989 In Webster v. Reproductive Health Services, 492 U.S. 490 (1989), the Supreme Court affirms the right of states to deny public funding for abortions and to prohibit public hospitals from performing abortions.

Timeline of Legal History of Women in the United States
More http://www.legacy98.org/timeline.html#1981

----

http://feminist.org/research/chronicles/fc1987.html">Feminist Chronicles 1987 - Events

[SPKrazy]

65. I guess I just don't get it

'cause I can only vaguely see how holding a door might have implied a weakness, but I don't think that most were raised to think of it that way...

:shrug:

[Breeze54]

86. It wasn't about that...

it was about women asserting their rights...

it was a culture change thing. About raising awareness, imho.

:hi:

[ismnotwasm]

56. It's common courtesy

I'm big on courtesy. Whether it's a man or a women doesn't matter, I hold the door open for either sex, and have had the door opened for me by either sex.


I do get a kick of those considerably older gentleman, who seeing I'm female, do their thing with the door. I have no wish to take away what they consider a sign of respect.

I have bigger fish to fry regarding gender than door opening.

[DarkTirade]

59. I just went on a few dates

with a girl who finds it very amusing to rush ahead of the guy and grab the door first. :P

[SPKrazy]

66. that wouldn't bother me in the slightest

i have no problem with anyone holding a door for me

[DarkTirade]

79. She just likes being anti-chivalrous.

Of course, to tease her I'll grab the door first occasionally. :P

[yellowdogintexas]

60. RULE#1. The one carrying no load should open and hold doors for the one with full arms. ALWAYS

especially if it involves hot liquids!!!

that is my personal code. I will hold doors for anyone regardless of gender or age who has their hands full if I can get the door open.

I also yield right of way in hallways at work to persons carrying hot coffee

[SPKrazy]

67. yeah

i agree totally

[Rising Phoenix]

61. when I was 16

my driver's ed teacher (a man) took my coat from me and held it out.... I got all defensive and didn't know what he was doing....he said "My God, hasn't anyone ever been a gentleman before and helped you with your jacket? lol.....chivalry may not be dead, but I think expecting it is....

[SPKrazy]

69. hmmm....

well i can see how that might freak me out

:hi:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

62. It's common courtesy to hold open doors, but if he goes out of his way to do it, he's not gonna like

my reaction.

Folks, if you're standing right in front of someone at a doorway, just hold the door open behind you to keep it from slamming into the other person, no matter your sex or that of the person behind you. Don't come up from behind me to open the door--I can do that myself, thanks. Don't even stand there and hold the door open for every person who comes through, unless you've nothing better to do or the people have stuff in their hands that would make door-opening difficult. Chivalry is stupid; do what's necessary and mildly polite and makes sense, not what tradition says you should do.

[LostinVA]

63. I think it's a very nice gesture of courtsey, and I also do it for older people

And people holding packages, etc. I always keep the door open for someone if I reach the door first.

I'll say the HUGE majority of men who do this have no "inferior, little lady" intent behind it.

[SPKrazy]

64. I agree

that thought had not ever crossed my mind I just grew up doing it so when someone got onto me for holding the door for them it really threw me off.

Haven't had that happen since then either.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

68. i love opening doors for others and having doors opened for me.

[SPKrazy]

70. i feel the same way

i like the feeling of opening them

and i appreciate it when someone opens it for me

[La Lioness Priyanka]

71. i think things are different now than 20 years ago though. 20 years ago the feminist movement

hadnt integrated into society. now that it has to a degree people are more comfortable doing things both ways. i.e. buying flowers, getting the check, holding the door goes both ways more often now that before

[SPKrazy]

74. I guess

20 years doesn't seem so long ago, but it is :(

ah, so much younger then :shrug:

yeah, there is a difference, and to be honest the women I was in grad school who said that were at that time in their early 40's so they were coming out of a very different era then even the mid 80's was by their historical experiences.

[gristy]

72. Other

When I was in high school there was a short breezeway with doors on each end. No one held the door open while stepping back to let others through. However, everyone held it open by reaching behind them as they passed through so the next person behind them could grab it. This was all very efficient.

Except when I'm on a date and holding the door open for her at least doesn't make passage more awkward, this is the way I go through a door with one other person or with 20.

[SPKrazy]

75. There are times when pragmatism wins over

for me too

however, I still am inclined to want to hold the door

[Infomaniac]

73. I voted common courtesy and I always say...

thank you whenever a man or woman holds the door open for me. I really do appreciate it on windy days with heavy doors or when I'm carrying packages.

[SPKrazy]

76. that's good

:hi:

[nytemare]

78. I don't think it's really common courtesy anymore.

I think it's incredibly rude to just let a door shut in somebody's face if you could just wait two seconds for that other person walking up. I am not saying a person should stand behind the door and hold it as they would for a date, but as you are going in, just hold it until the person behind you can grab it. I am a woman, and I see suprise in people's faces when I actually hold the door behind me, and I am suprised when people hold the door for me.

It is more common that they just let it close.

[Tektonik]

80. I was raised to hold doors for elderly people and women

I was raised to say bless you to people who sneeze (I don't know how that works because my mom never does it, maybe I picked it up in school :shrug: )

I was raised to pick up a mess in a store or report it to a nearby employee.

It's second nature to me so I do not really think about it.

[cloudbase]

81. I've seen just about every reaction.

Really, most people appreciate it and offer their thanks. Once, I held the door for a couple of really elderly ladies and was told "Your mama raised you right." That made my day.

There was one where I was told "You don't have to hold the door for me just because I'm a woman." Being a smartass, I said that I wasn't doing it because she was a woman, but because I'm a gentleman.

It's really not a big deal, though.

[China_cat]

82. I'd be happy if ANYBODY would hold a door open for me.

Trying to handle the scooter or the wheelchair and open a door at the same time...especially one that opens out...isn't real easy. And yes, I've had people walk right by me, go through the door and let it shut before I could even grab it.

[WinkyDink]

83. First at the door = first to hold the door. Exception: Post #60.

[KitchenWitch]

84. I am such a fucking Diva that I will stand at a door until a man arrives to open it for me.

:crazy:

[SPKrazy]

85. is that why you are always hanging out in front of places

:silly: